David* (23) has lived with sickle cell all his life. It has shaped his childhood, relationships and the way he sees himself.

In this episode of On the Streets, he opens up about his journey with sickle cell, a heartbreak he���s yet to recover from and how his condition  has shaped the way he approaches dating.

What���s your current relationship status, and how do you feel about it?

I���m single, and I live with sickle cell. It has affected almost every part of my life, including how I approach relationships. Now that I���m older and navigating adult life, I���m learning what it means to build relationships while living with a condition that has always been a part of me.

Let’s start from the beginning. How has sickle cell affected your life?

I was diagnosed with when I was about three years old, so I���ve never really known life without sickle cell.

People treated me differently from a young age. I was bullied a lot in school because my teachers knew about my condition. They weren���t discreet about it, so my classmates picked up on it and started calling me ���sickler���.

I also had frequent , sometimes in the middle of school. Some students avoided me as if sickle cell were contagious, while others made fun of me when I was in pain. The teachers would punish them, but it didn���t stop the bullying.

I was very lonely growing up. My first romantic encounter was in SS2, when I met Amina*.

Tell me about Amina

We both liked drawing, and because I was good at it, we started spending more time together.

She was incredibly kind to me. I���ll never forget having a pain crisis in the middle of class and trying to hide it because I didn���t want anyone to notice. Amina realised something was wrong, covered for me and even got me snacks. She never made me feel sick or different.

We never officially dated, but were very close throughout the rest of secondary school. Her father was Muslim while my family was Christian, and she always said religion would eventually become a problem. Looking back, it���s funny that we were already thinking about marriage as teenagers.

My relationship with Amina gave me a very optimistic view of love. I thought I���d found someone who would always see me for who I was, regardless of my condition.

After secondary school, we stayed in touch for a while, but the connection eventually faded. I tried to keep things alive, but she wasn���t giving me the same energy anymore. It took me a long time to accept that it was over. I spent most of my first year at university trying to get over her. Eventually, I moved on.

When did you try dating again?

In my second year of university, I met Treasure* through a mutual friend. We started talking because she reminded me of a family friend, and I fell for her almost immediately.

This time, I was upfront about my sickle cell condition. We started as friends and eventually became a couple. By then, my crises had become less frequent. Still,  Treasure knew about my condition and seemed supportive.

How did the relationship go?

It was a pretty chill relationship. We rarely fought, and she could be very kind. But whenever I got sick, things took a slight turn. 

A few months into the relationship, I had a particularly bad crisis and needed a blood transfusion. After I recovered, Treasure became more withdrawn. She started worrying about what our future would look like.

I understood her reservations, and I couldn���t blame her for having questions. But her reaction made me uncomfortable talking about my health. I started hiding my pain and other symptoms whenever I was around her. 

And how did it affect the relationship?

It created a cycle. She would eventually find out that I���d been sick, then get upset that I had hidden it from her.

Things became even more awkward after we returned from our internship in 2023. She had fallen out with one of our mutual friends, and while trying to resolve their disagreement, I found out that she had told some of her other friends about my condition. I also learnt that she was considering a break up because she didn���t see a future with me, and that her family had advised her to walk away.

I was hurt, but I never confronted her about it. It wasn���t completely surprising because she���d already grown distant. I was the one pushing to see her and trying to keep the relationship going.

Eventually, I suggested that we break up, and she immediately agreed.

I���m sorry. How did you move on from that?

The breakup made me angry at my condition. I started thinking that if I didn���t have sickle cell, none of this would have happened.

So I decided to be much more private about it. 

That was my state of mind when I met Favour*  towards the end of 2024. 

She was also an artist, and I found her on Instagram. I really liked her work, so I slid into her DMs. We started talking and eventually began seeing each other.

I didn���t tell her I had sickle cell because the relationship wasn���t defined. But our feelings for each other grew over time, so we made the relationship official in early 2025.

Were you still determined to keep your condition from her?

I never planned to hide it forever. But there was already some uncertainty about our future because she wanted to leave Nigeria for a master���s in art. I didn���t want to think too far ahead because I knew she might eventually leave.

I was also doing really well health-wise. I went about 10 months without a crisis, which was the longest I���d ever gone. For the first time, I started thinking maybe I could keep my condition private and still have a normal relationship.

That changed in July 2025.

Oh. What happened?

I started having severe chest pain and initially thought it was pneumonia. It turned out to be , a serious complication of sickle cell. I was in my final year and had exams coming up,  but I became so sick that even breathing was difficult. My parents had to come and get me, and I spent five days in the hospital.

Favour sent me several messages while I was there, but I didn���t respond. She thought I was ghosting her. It was the perfect opportunity to tell her everything, but I still couldn���t bring myself to.

I eventually told her I was in the hospital because of chest problems. She was sympathetic and even came to visit me when I returned to school.

About a month later, I had another pain crisis and hid that from her too. At that point, keeping my condition a secret was really eating me up.

I had fallen in love with her and wanted a future together, so it became harder to pretend that such a huge part of my life didn���t exist. I became depressed and withdrawn until I couldn���t keep it in anymore. 

I sent her a voice note apologising and told her everything.

How did she take it?

She was shocked. We���d already been dating for about seven months, so she was upset that I���d kept it from her for so long. She told me she needed time to process everything.

I was terrified I had lost her. But a few days later, she came back and told me it wasn���t a problem. I was so relieved.

Right. But were you convinced?

Unfortunately, I later realised she was still struggling with it. A few weeks later, she came back and told me that after thinking things through, she didn���t want to continue with the relationship.

She said she didn���t want to spend her life worrying about my health or wondering what the future would look like. She also struggled with the fact that I hadn���t told her earlier. She said she might have made a different decision about the relationship if she had known from the beginning.

That hurt because I���d finally convinced myself that I could be honest about my health and still be loved.

I���m sorry

We officially broke up in October 2025, but moving on hasn���t been easy. The mixed signals afterwards made it harder.. We went months without speaking before she reached out around my convocation in January. We had some deep conversations, then she ghosted me again.

One evening, she randomly called to say she missed me and just wanted to hear my voice. After that conversation, she disappeared again.

At some point, I realised I was being pulled back into a toxic cycle. I decided to stop engaging. She sent me another message a few weeks ago, but I ignored it.

Has the experience changed how you think about dating?

Definitely. The breakup was a rude awakening to what it means to navigate adulthood and relationships as someone living with sickle cell.

Now that I���ve finished school and I���m entering another stage of my life, I���m thinking about things I never really had to consider before. When should I tell a potential partner about my condition? How much should I disclose? I���ve also started to understand why people call us warriors. I recently had another episode of severe chest pain and had to go to a new hospital by myself. A nurse accused me of exaggerating my pain just to get medication. I hope that one day I can move to a country that better accommodates people with sickle cell. 

Is there anything you think you could have done differently?

I should have been honest with Favour from the beginning. It wasn���t my responsibility to decide whether she could handle my condition. She deserved the chance to make that decision for herself.

There are people living with sickle cell who have happy lives and families. I still want a relationship, but I���ve also realised that even if marriage or a relationship doesn���t happen for me, I can still have a beautiful life.

Finally, how are the streets treating you these days? Rate it on a scale of 1 to 10

5/10. I���m still recovering from the heartbreak. It���s already hard to open yourself up to someone when you feel different, and when the relationship ends, you have to start all over again.

But I���m trying to stay optimistic. I���m focusing on the good things in my life and enjoying my friendships. I didn���t have many friends growing up, so having people around me now means a lot. We���ll see what comes next.

Read next: 6 Nigerians Share How Their Parents Still Support Them Financially as Adults

In this episode of On the Streets, he talks about struggling to form romantic connections and how mixing love with finances left him paying a heavy price.

What’s your current relationship status, and how do you feel about it?

I���m single, and I���m not searching. I���m still trying to recover from my last relationship, so dating isn���t really on my mind.

I rarely feel strong romantic connections with people, so sometimes I wonder if love and romance are even for me. I don���t want to keep jumping from one person to another. I���m still young, and I have other pressing priorities.

Walk me through your love life. How did you get here?

It���s been a chain of experiences. Growing up, I was quite detached when it came to relationships. I���d meet people, talk to them, and form a bond, but I never really felt the consuming feeling people describe as love.

Even when I thought I liked someone, it often felt more like the excitement of something new. You know how you can buy something new and be excited about it for a few days, then the feeling wears off? That���s how most of my talking stages felt.

I rarely connected with anyone seriously in secondary school or university. My friends noticed and would tease me about it. Sometimes, they even suggested I was gay. I think that pressure played a part in my decision to date in 2021.

And what was that first relationship like?

It was with Hannah*, a coursemate who attended night classes with me. We saw each other often, started talking and eventually got into a talking stage.

As usual, I struggled to keep up, but I really wanted to experience being in a relationship like everyone around me. I hoped that if we stayed together long enough, my feelings would grow stronger.

Did they?

The first three months were great.  Then the excitement wore off.

We weren���t very compatible. She didn���t have strong opinions about many things, while I was the opposite. I like politics and a lot of other topics, and sometimes I���d talk about something and she���d just look so clueless and uninterested.

I knew it wasn���t her fault, yet I still got frustrated. I would shut her out, and she would ask what she���d done wrong. Sometimes, I felt guilty, apologised and we���d make up. But the cycle kept repeating.

Why didn���t you just end the relationship?

I didn���t want to give up on my first serious relationship so easily.

We dated for about eight months before I finally accepted that it wasn���t going to work. She���d already been complaining that I barely had time for her, so I used that as my get-out card. I told her I wanted to focus on my internship and personal projects.  

How did she take the breakup?

The awkward part was having to see each other frequently because we were coursemates. We remained cordial, but she moved on quite quickly. We broke up around November, and by February, she was already with someone else.

I was relieved to be out of the relationship, but I also had mixed feelings. She���d told me she loved me so much, so seeing her move on that quickly made me question those feelings.

Right. What about you? Did you start dating again?

No. I mostly focused on school and work. Once I have my hands full, I barely have time to think about romance. Around that time, I also made some new friends. One of them was with Favour*. We attended the same church, and grew close in my final year. I liked how easy she was to talk to. I���m m bad at sustaining conversations, but there was never a dull moment with her.

After we graduated, we stayed in the same city and continued attending the same church, so our bond grew even deeper. She also moved closer to my area in 2024, and since I had a car, we started spending even more time together. She���d often ask me for lifts, and that was when I started wondering if what I felt for her was more than friendship.

When did you realise you actually wanted to be with her?

I started thinking about her a lot. I don���t know if it was a proximity crush because we were always together, but I realised I genuinely wanted more than friendship.

I hadn���t felt that way about someone before, and  I thought that would make things different.

She was initially hesitant when I shared how I felt. She wanted us to protect our friendship. Eventually, though, we gave dating a chance in January 2025.

How did things go this time?

It was really good at first; everything felt natural.  But I knew she had a lot going on personally. Her family struggled financially, especially because her older siblings weren���t very responsible. A lot of the burden fell on her.

She occasionally borrowed money from me to handle some of her bills, but it wasn���t a problem because she always paid me back. The borrowing became more frequent after we started dating, and she stopped refunding me as consistently.

Hmm

I’ll never forget when she asked to borrow ���150k. Her siblings had finished school for the term and urgently needed money for transport. I didn���t have the money, but she promised to return it within a few days, so I borrowed it from a colleague.

She didn���t mention the money again for almost a month, while I was worried sick about repaying the loan.

Did you ask her about it?

I did. Although I tried not to pressure her. I explained the situation calmly and she requested my bank details for the repayment. Then she stopped responding.

At first, I assumed she was trying to raise the money. But I heard nothing in the days that followed. I eventually settled the debt from my salary and decided not to bring it up again.

You���d think I would���ve learnt my lesson, but that wasn���t the end of it. In 2025, I lent her an extra ���1.7 million.

What?

It���s actually a culmination of small amounts. At one point, she planned to take a paid course abroad and asked to borrow ���300k for the travel agency and visa processing. Unfortunately, that fell through. 

Then, in August 2025, she got a job opportunity in Lagos and needed money to relocate. I lent her ���250k for the moving costs and eventually another ���1.2 million to cover her full rent.

Curious. What was the romantic side of the relationship like through all of this?

That also started wilting, thanks to her relocation. We tried to visit each other often, but things weren���t the same. I understood that her new job was demanding, but for someone who was usually very expressive, she suddenly went without speaking to me.

I became unhappy with the situation. Whenever I complained, she���d make excuses, and I���d end up wondering if she���d moved on or was cheating on me. I was also starting to detach emotionally.

Then, around November, I met Maria* in church.  I felt a strong attraction to her from the jump, and we enjoyed spending time together. I was upfront about my relationship with Favour, though. It was obvious things were dying down, but I still needed time to figure everything out properly.

Why didn���t you just end things with Favour immediately?

She still hadn���t repaid me, and I was determined to get my money back. I also still cared about her and wanted to handle the breakup diplomatically. Even if we stopped dating, I hoped we could remain on good terms.

I see. What happened next?

I visited her in Lagos during Christmas, partly to get my money back and hopefully end things amicably. But the visit only confused me more because she seemed like her old self again. We had a really nice time together.

When I brought up the money, she became emotional and made me feel bad for asking. She said we should be able to help each other as a couple and assured me she wasn���t running away. She said she would pay me when she could.

For a moment, I thought we might be able to patch things up, so I agreed to be patient.

But as soon as I left Lagos, she returned to her old ways. I was frustrated and didn���t know what to do next.

And what happened with Maria?

Maria eventually realised I wasn���t serious about leaving Favour. By the end of January, she told me she wasn���t comfortable with how close we���d become while I was still in a relationship. She cut me off.

Losing Maria forced me to confront the situation with Favour head-on. I was angry that I���d lost her while Favour still wasn���t making any effort to fix the relationship. At that point, I simply wanted to end things and get my money back.

After a few days of reflecting, I messaged Favour about the state of our relationship. We agreed to break up. I then asked when she could start paying me back and whether she wanted to spread the repayment out.

She stopped responding and blocked me on WhatsApp.

That���s so brazy

I called her several times over the course of about four days before she finally picked up.

She said we had agreed in December that she���d give me the money when she was ready. I was angry and told her that if she refused to pay me, I could take legal action. 

That was when things got messy. She said that if I wanted to involve the police, I should do my worst because she didn���t have money to give me yet.

She also mentioned that she knew I was involved with someone else, but before I could even address that, she hung up. We haven���t spoken since March.

That must���ve hurt. How have you been dealing with everything since then?

It���s put me in a very difficult position, both emotionally and financially. I���ve never been one for harsh confrontations, so it hurts that we ended that way.

Then, in June, I lost my job after my office downsized. I���ve struggled since then and have even gone into debt while trying to find another job. Knowing someone is holding ���1.7 million of my money makes me feel worse. I don���t know if I���ll ever get it back. I���m not even sure legal action would make a difference because she could argue that the money was given as gifts while we were dating.

I���m sorry. How would you say these experiences have shaped your idea of love and relationships?

If anything, I���m more wary than I���ve ever been. I wish someone had told me never to mix finances with relationships. Because of that foolish mistake, I lost a lot of money and a friendship.

Finally, how are the streets treating you these days? Rate it on a scale of 1 to 10.

8/10. Being single isn���t really the problem. It���s my situation in general. A relationship is the last thing on my mind right now. I just want to get out of the financial hole I���m in.

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What would Big Brother Naija (BBNaija) be without a few chaotic ships to keep us invested? Like other seasons, the Show Ya Sef season has given us sweet friendships, budding romances, and complicated situationships. And we���ve been paying attention.

Here are the pairs currently keeping us entertained.

Oyin & Flora

These two have one of the strongest bonds in the house. They���ve consistently had each other���s backs and shown up for each other. Unlike some of the house���s more chaotic relationships, their friendship has stood the test of time. Safe to say, Oyin and Flora are giving the rest of the pairs a run for their money.

Yusuf & Bells��

YuBells is one of the most loved ships in the house, but they���ve kept fans guessing, primarily because Yusuf seems unsure about where they stand despite their frequent genital meet-and-greet. But underneath all the drama, they make a cute pair. It’s only been days since their last fallout and there’s already a video with them under the sheets last night. Let���s hope they make it to the end of the season without breaking up again.

Ricky & Sheba��

Their slow burn chemistry is interesting to watch. But Ricky telling Sheba he���s married, then later telling Yusuf that it���s all part of his strategy, has left us wondering what exactly he���s playing at. But we���ve seen Sheba gradually warming up to him over the past few days, so we���ll have to wait and see if they develop into a more solid ship as the season goes on.

Chimsom & Bluethopia

They���ve gone from constantly fighting and bickering, only to circle back as a couple again. It���s hard to tell if there���s an actual ship here or if they���re simply being kept together by circumstances. Either way, we���re not convinced this one is making it to the end of the season.

Tram & Temi Nkem

With the way they keep having intimate moments but avoid defining what they are, it���s not a strong ship. Their dynamic feels more like a friendship with a sprinkle of under-the-sheet activities. From the outside, it doesn���t seem like they genuinely care for each other romantically and may be more focused on creating content for the show.

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Losing someone who struggled with their mental health can leave the people they loved with grief, anger, guilt and questions they may never get answers to. We spoke to Nigerians who lost loved ones after years of struggling with their mental health about the memories they hold on to and how they���ve learnt to live with the loss.

���I was angry that he left me to deal with everything alone��� ��� Hannah*, 44

I lost my husband to suicide in 2016 after a failed business deal wrecked our finances. He borrowed millions of naira to invest in the business , but he was scammed and lost everything. Things became even harder when he started having health problems. We completely hit rock bottom. 

I kept doing my best to keep us afloat and coast through the tough times.  Then, one day, I came home and found my husband dead. He had taken his own life.

His death was difficult enough, but some of his relatives refused to believe that he had died by suicide. They accused me of poisoning him, which meant I had to deal with their suspicions while grieving my husband. I was also angry with him. I felt like he left me with even more problems.  But over the years, I���ve forgiven him. I���ve accepted  that he must have been in a very difficult place to make that decision.

���I wish I had stayed close to her��� ��� Zainab*, 26

Lat year, I lost my cousin to drug use and mental health issues. We used to be very close, but grew apart�� as she became more and more erratic. She would call me for money and often wouldn���t return it. Eventually, my mum warned me to stay away from her.

She later went to rehab and was trying to get better, but she eventually relapsed, and took her own life. Her parents and siblings did everything they could to support her, but she didn���t have many people outside her family. I wish I had chosen to see the good in her and stayed close. 

���His death changed the way I see life��� ��� Adeleke*, 28

I lost a friend from work in 2023. Life wasn���t fair to him. His mum and only sibling died in a car accident while returning from his convocation, and he had to support himself afterwards. I knew he was struggling. He sometimes had mood swings and would withdraw from people, but I always tried to be there for him.

We saw each other at work on the Friday before he died. He didn���t show up on Monday, and when I texted him, he didn���t respond. By Tuesday, I was worried and tried to find out what had happened. I eventually learnt that his neighbours had found him unconscious in his apartment on Sunday. He was in critical condition in the hospital for some time, but he didn���t make it.

His death was painful because he had already been through so much. But losing him also changed my perspective on life. I now remind myself to make time for the things that make me happy.

���I still wonder if I could have done more��� ��� David* 29

I lost a friend to suicide in 2021. He had struggled with his mental health and his sexuality for years, especially after his sibling outed him to his family. His dad punished him severely, and he was also frustrated by repeated visa rejections while trying to leave the country.

A few weeks before he died, I noticed he had stopped posting on his story as often. I checked on him, and he told me he was okay. I believed him and didn���t push further.

When I heard the news, I was in shock. His family didn���t want people to know that he had taken his own life, and I only found out after speaking to his sister. I kept thinking about our last conversation and wondering if things would have been different if I had followed up or pushed for a deeper conversation. I still feel guilty about that.

If you need support, someone to talk to, or immediate help, these Nigerian mental health resources may help.

Mentally Aware Nigeria Initiative (MANI) ��� Youth-focused mental health support

| Crisis support: +234 916 841 7413

She Writes Woman ��� Free teletherapy & crisis helpline

| +234 800 800 2000

SURPIN ��� Suicide prevention & crisis intervention

| 080 0078 7746

Asido Foundation ��� Emotional wellness assessments & 24/7 Helpline

| +234 902 808 0416

National Emergency Helpline: 112

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���There���s no way you don���t also have a problem���

He said this even after doctors confirmed that his infertility was why we were childless. ��� Bunmi*, 38

���What did I do that your father hasn���t done?���

He said, when I confronted him about repeatedly cheating on me ��� Queen*, 41

���Your money is ours, but mine is mine. That���s your headache.���

She said, when I was struggling with debt and asked for her support. ��� Umar*, 39

���I haven���t made it because of you.���

He screamed at me and the kids after I reported his betting addiction to his family. ��� Joy* 34

���I should leave my friends for a man I met which day?���

She texted this when I complained about her not spending time with me shortly after our engagement. In the end, she cheated with one of them. ��� James*, 30

���I will definitely pick my mum.���

My husband didn���t hesitate during a games night with other couples, when asked which of us he would save first. ��� Faiza*, 32

���When I asked for a wife, God���s plan for me turned out to be ���what I ordered versus what I got.������

He makes such ���jokes��� while counseling younger people. ��� Mary*, 46

���Why can���t he just pass away and let everybody rest?���

She said, when we heard my only brother���s brain tumour grew back shortly after surgery. ��� Shola*, 37

���I���m sure it���ll be disgusting. I don���t want to be there.���

I was going into labour, but he didn���t want to ���throw up���. ��� Esther*, 27

���I have her mumu button. She won���t leave.���

I overheard him telling his friends this after I forgave him for being physically abusive and he begged me to stay. ��� Favour* 29

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Elizabeth* (29) has always wanted marriage and a family of her own. But two difficult relationships have made that journey more complicated than she expected. After walking away from a long-term relationship and later calling off a wedding just weeks before the big day, she���s starting over while still holding on to the hope of finding love. 

In this episode of On the Streets, she shares how the desire to settle down almost pushed her into a bad marriage.

What���s your current relationship status and how do you feel about it?

I���m single and searching. I���ve had some difficult experiences that made me extra cautious. But I hope to find a compatible partner and get married before I turn 31. 

How did you get to this point? Walk me through your dating history

My first serious relationship was in 2019, when I was in my third year at university. Mike* approached me while we were both shopping at the school market. Before we parted ways, he paid for what I was buying and collected my number.

A few weeks into our friendship, he asked me out. I wasn���t interested in casual dating, so I told him from the beginning that I wanted a relationship with marriage in view. He agreed.

What was the relationship like?

It was okay; mostly because I overlooked a lot of his shortcomings. He was very secretive and didn���t see the need to involve me  as his girlfriend. I often had to rely on social media to find out things about his personal life, including details about his family. He rarely opened up, so the only people in his life I really knew were his friends.

And I didn���t like them. They made it clear that they preferred his ex to me. He would sometimes speak to me disrespectfully in front of them, too. But I tolerated it all because I assumed these things were just part of dating.

Hmm

Things became harder to ignore after we graduated  in 2021. I asked Mike his plans for the relationship, expecting him to bring up marriage. Instead, he said his views had changed. He no longer believed in marriage and wanted to focus on making money. He suggested that, in a few years, we could move in together without getting married. 

He claimed his older brother���s traumatic divorce had changed the way he saw marriage. But I couldn���t accept that. He knew my history. My parents separated when I was younger after my mum discovered that my dad had another family. She refused to divorce him, so he abandoned us. Growing up in a dysfunctional home made me want a normal family of my own. So when Mike said he didn���t want marriage, I knew we couldn���t continue.

His decision led to our breakup, but I couldn���t cope with it. We were apart for less than four days before I suggested that we find a compromise and get back together.

So did he eventually change his stance on marriage?

I hoped that with time I could make him see things from my point of view, but his behaviour only got worse. He grew distant and nonchalant. Sometimes, he���d ghost me for weeks. Whenever I complained, he���d flare up and act as though I was irritating him.

Eventually, I found out he was seeing another woman. When I confronted him, he said this was part of why he didn���t want marriage. He claimed he didn���t like commitment to one person.

Wait. What?

What made it worse was that he expected me to remain committed to him while he was free to see other people.

I wasn���t going to accept that. That was when I walked away for good. He seemed completely unaffected by my decision.

How did you move on from that heartbreak?

It wasn���t easy. We���d been together for more than two years. I���d always imagined I would be married by 25. But I had to start from scratch at 26.

Things were also difficult financially. After school, my mum expected me to contribute to the family. I landed a teaching job at a church member���s school, but the salary was barely enough. B I didn���t even have the time to meet new people.

But that changed when Joshua* moved into our compound.

Tell me about Joshua. How did you two get close?

He moved into an apartment on the upper floor of our house in early 2024.  At first, we barely interacted beyond pleasantries. Then, a few months later, he complimented my outfit and asked for my number.

I didn���t have many friends at the time, so I enjoyed having someone to talk to. He was a good listener, and I gradually opened up to him. One day, I went to his place and, despite not planning for it to happen, we hooked up.

He wasn���t someone I would normally have considered dating. He mostly smoked and partied, and I wasn���t sure what he was doing with his life. Still, we started dating. 

What made you take him seriously despite your reservations?

He was persistent, and eventually I thought, Why not? I���d been single for a while, so I decided to give it a chance.

I also became less worried about his finances after I learnt that his parents, who lived in the UK, supported him financially. He was very friendly and extended his generosity to my family, too. We never had to ask him for things. He���d simply give us what we needed, and that made my mum warm up to him.

Over time, I became more comfortable dating him, especially because my mum encouraged the relationship.

I see. Was this relationship better than your first?

In many ways, yes. He was an open book, unlike Mike. As soon as we became official, he introduced me to his parents. We���d speak to them on video calls and they approved  of our union.  Still, he had his imperfect sides. He had bad mood swings when he got high and became aggressive. At first, it was mostly shouting. My mum would tell me that I needed to understand that it was his temperament.

Then, in our third month together, he slapped me during an argument and pushed me out of his apartment.

What? Did you try to leave? 

I took it in stride. He was very apologetic afterwards and blamed it on the drugs. He also told me that he needed me and that I was one of the only good things in his life. That got to me.

I started believing that if I could help him stop using drugs, he���d become a better person. I felt I owed him a duty of care, and he promised to change.

Did he actually improve after that?

There was some progress. He curtailed his smoking,  started going to church and even proposed on my birthday in March 2025 to show his seriousness.

I said yes, even though I had doubts about marrying him. I���d caught him using drugs and smoking again, and he wasn���t interested in holding down a job.

I shared my concerns with my mum, but she convinced me that no relationship was perfect and encouraged me to go along with it. I also felt guilty because of how much he���d done for my family. I felt like I owed it to him to help him overcome his addiction and stand by him. And that was exactly what I did for a while.

But my doubts returned when I signed us up for premarital counselling at my church.

Did something happen?

He was so uncooperative that the church expressed  concern about his behaviour. He sometimes showed up high, was rude or outrightly refused to answer some of their questions. I���d leave the sessions embarrassed.

We only went three times before the church told us they couldn���t go ahead with the counselling. They advised me not to marry him unless he was willing to change. I tried to get him to participate in some of the programmes they recommended, but he wasn���t interested.

My mum, as usual, defended him. She blamed the church for being too strict and insisted they were being too picky about the relationship.

Curious. What made you stick around despite his behaviour?

I actually started rethinking my decision to stay. But for reasons I don���t know, I  believed things could work. So I gave him an ultimatum to get a job if we were going to proceed with marriage.

He agreed, and we eventually spoke to his parents about setting up a furniture business using his friend���s warehouse in Abeokuta. In July, Joshua moved to Abeokuta to get the business started. 

At first, we spoke regularly  but his calls became inconsistent. He also stopped giving me updates about the business, which made me worry that he was slipping back into his old habits.

Eventually, my mum pressured me to move to Abeokuta to help him settle in. I quit my job in September and moved there. We were still planning to get married in  December.

What happened after you moved in with him?

Living with Joshua made me realise that I couldn���t marry him. During the three months we���d spent apart, he had fully relapsed into drug use and  become more violent.  We argued almost every day, and  during one argument, he pushed me so hard that I hit my back against the wall and was in a lot of pain.

His business wasn���t doing well either. He had wasted most of the capital his parents sent instead of stocking the store.

But what really opened my eyes was when  he went out, got into a fight and stabbed someone in the arm. He was arrested, and I had to start running around trying to get him out. 

I didn���t have the money for his bail, so I called his parents. They initially refused to help because they were upset about the state of the business and wanted him to face the consequences. He spent two days in custody before his mother eventually sent the money.

That frightened me. I started wondering what would happen if his parents abandoned him. His behaviour was becoming more erratic, and I couldn���t imagine bringing children into that kind of situation.

Where was your mum in all of this?

She still believed I should stay and help him turn his life around. That was when I realised she cared more about the help she was getting from Joshua than what I was going through. I felt helpless. I���d already quit my job and moved to an unfamiliar state, and I didn���t know what to do next.

The situation was eating me up until I finally opened up to one of my cousins in November. She advised against the  marriage and offered to let me stay with her in Lagos.

On 14th November 2025, I left Abeokuta without telling Joshua or my mum.

What happened after you left?

At first, I planned to return after a few days. But the longer I stayed away, the more certain I became that I was done with the relationship. I had even fallen out of love with Joshua.  

When I eventually called off the wedding, everyone was angry and tried to convince me to change my mind. I didn���t budge. I also refused to go back home to resolve things.

Leaving him meant losing more than the relationship. It also fractured my relationship with my mum. It hurts that she turned a blind eye to his mistreatment and  focused instead on how much I had disappointed everyone by calling off the wedding so close to the date. She���s still bitter about how I ended the relationship and often brings it up.

We don���t speak as often anymore because she also makes me feel guilty about not being able to help financially. I only got my first job in April, and I���m still trying to find my footing. After everything that happened, I don���t think our relationship will ever be the same.

How have these experiences shaped the way you see love and relationships?

I���ve learnt not to rush into relationships. Joshua and I had barely known each other for a year when we started planning a wedding. Looking back,  things moved so quickly because his family believed settling down would make him more responsible.

Their plan was for me to get swept up and not have enough time to think until it was too late.

Finally, how are the streets treating you these days? Rate it on a scale of 1 to 10

5/10. My experience hasn���t made me give up on love or wanting a family. But I���m more careful now. I don���t want to repeat my parents��� history and end up in an unhappy marriage.

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For these Nigerian men, sex hangs incredibly low on their list of priorities. They open up about what has inspired their individual journey to celibacy. 

���I don���t want to repeat the cycle��� ��� Dele*, 29

Growing up, I watched my parents struggle because of my dad���s infidelity. Seeing how much it affected our family made me afraid that I could end up like him. My dad also told me that, when he was a teenager, his own father used to take him to bars where he was introduced to women. His dad even arranged his first sexual experience. While I don���t excuse his lack of self-control, I understand that those experiences may have influenced his problems as an adult and normalised that behaviour for him.

I never want to repeat that cycle or hurt my partner the way he hurt my mum. So, for now, I���ve chosen to wait until I���m with someone I���m genuinely ready to commit to long-term. It just happens that I haven���t met that person yet.

���I don���t want to be casual about sex��� ��� Ismail*, 27

For me, an intellectual and emotional bond comes first before anything physical can happen. I even had my first kiss pretty late in university, because I wanted to feel that connection first. To me, sex is the highest form of commitment. I don���t want to take it lightly.

I���ve seen how some of my friends lose their sense of reasoning and develop unhealthy attachments after sleeping with someone, and I want to make sure I���m with someone for the right reasons. My last few relationships ended before we got to that point, and I don���t want to be pressured into sex. I���m looking for someone I can connect with intellectually, emotionally, and in every other way. I���ve never been casual about my choices. Sex won���t be any different.

���I���m scared that sex could derail my progress��� ��� Matthew* 31

I was exposed to pornography and drugs at a very young age, and they became things I struggled to control. By the time I got to university, I was going downhill and struggled with my mental health. My addictions affected my sense of reasoning and took me to a very low point in my life.

I eventually realised that I get addicted to things easily, so I had to become more disciplined about what I allowed into my life. I was able to break free from those addictions by cutting off the things that were distracting me. I started working out, reading more, and focusing on improving myself. I���ve become much more productive since then, but I���m scared that if I start having sex, I might get hooked on it and lose the progress I���ve made. I���m in a relationship, but I���m waiting until I feel sure.

���I believe waiting until marriage is the wise thing to do��� ��� Joshua* 30

I���ve chosen celibacy until marriage, firstly because of my religion. I believe God gives us certain boundaries for a reason. They���re ultimately meant to protect us and our best interests. I���ve seen people get affected by STIs and pregnancies that derailed their lives into unhealthy patterns, and it reinforced my belief that waiting is a wise choice.

I also think having sex too early can weaken a relationship because people can become more focused on sex than on the other important parts of getting to know each other. I���m focused on growing with my fianc辿e before taking that step. I believe that being on the same page and fully committed to each other will make sex more meaningful and enjoyable.

���I realised I was addicted to relationships��� ��� Juwon* 36

I like to call myself a second virgin because I���ve been celibate for more than three years now. In the past, I used to jump from one relationship to another. In 2022 alone, I was in five relationships. I had to ask myself why I couldn���t be single for even a month or two.

I realised I was addicted to relationships because of the gratification they gave me. I have never liked casual sex. Many times, I dated people that were clearly wrong for me just because they satisfied those desires. Reflecting on that made me realise I was doing more harm to myself than anything, and I wanted to try a different approach. So now, I���m abstaining and focusing on building stronger connections first. I���m also at the age where I want a serious and long-term commitment, ideally leading to marriage.

���Sex is spiritual��� ��� Paul*, 24

I don���t think sex should be as casual as people make it out to be these days. I see it as something spiritual, and I believe you take on a part of the person when you���re intimate with them, whether good or bad. I���ve heard friends share stories about things changing in their lives after sleeping with certain people. While I don���t necessarily subscribe to that belief, it has reinforced my conviction to be careful about who I let that close.

I���m a virgin because I only want to be with someone I trust and have built a strong connection with. I���ll know when I���m ready. I don���t necessarily tie it to marriage, but I just haven���t met the right person or been in the right context yet.

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If these lovers came to you for advice today, what would you tell them?

Six years ago when I was just 12, my relatives forced me to marry a girl of 24 because I���m the only son of the family. We have three children, but people say they are not mine because at that time I was too young to have children. 

Should I chase her away and marry someone in my own age group? –Johnny, Kaduna (DRUM, May 1967)

My trouble is that my landlord’s wife is greatly in love with me, but l���ve never touched or talked to her about love. I even stopped her on many occasions from buying things for me, but she just won’t listen. Her husband has beaten her up once over her obsession with me but still she���s adamant. I���m 26 and a trader. I don’t want to lose my customers as a result of moving house. What should I do?- Jamanze, Benin (Trust paper, April 1975)

I���m 26 and unmarried. I���m in love with two girls, aged 22 and 19 and I want to marry soon. One is of my tribe and they both take me to the cinema; neither hates my relationship with the other. I have sought help from my best friends but no one can give me a good answer. What l should I do with these girls?�� Please, tell me if I need to pick one before they make me go mad.-Magiri, Lagos (Trust paper, April 1975)

I have one thing to tell you about a lady whom I fell in love with early this year. She���s 18 and I���m 21. The girl or woman, I may say, is no longer with me. When she was circumcised according to our custom, I was too late for the engagement. A certain fellow went there earlier than me. Now she is married to that man and yet she has got my child in her womb. What shall I do to bring home my child when it is born?��–Joshua, Calabar (Trust paper, April 1975)

I���m 25 and married. I fell in love with a prostitute and drove away my wife with our child. When I got to my present station, my girlfriend ran away. Now l���m alone and I want my wife and child back. I wrote her to return to me but she refused. She said that I should marry my “angel”. Please, tell me how I can get my wife and child back. –Ahmad, Potiskun (Trust paper, April 1975)

My girl refuses to go to bed with me. Instead she has asked me to sleep with other girls until she is ready. This has left me completely bewildered. We have been going together for almost a year now and have been discussing marriage.��Don’t you think that her asking me to bed other girls is a clear confession of her lack of love for, or loss of interest in me? –Emmanuel, Ebute Metta (DRUM, May 1967)

I���m a businessman aged 22. I fell in love with 12 girls and I promised to buy each of them a Honda motorcycle. These girls knew each other and they visited me at the same time. I spent nothing less than ���20 to entertain them at each visit. My parents heard about my recklessness and my mother came from our home town to talk to me. As a result of my attitude towards her, my people have rejected me. The worst part of it is that the girls have deserted me after sucking me dry. I don���t know where to turn.��–Kawawa, Sokoto (DRUM, November 1978)

I���m 23 but not allowed to bring girls into my father’s house. My father says I should concentrate on my studies first, but I can���t�� do without having a girlfriend. I���ve been meeting somebody in my friend’s house, but she wants to break up if I don���t introduce her to my father. I���m scared of what will become of my agility if I go many months without sex. What should I do?��–Abdul, Minna (Vintage People, April 1992)

I���m 20 and I���m in love with a boy of 25. I discovered that he has two children by different women. One of them lives with him while the other is with the mother. I���ve never seen any of the women in his house. What worries me is he doesn���t tell me about his past. He wants to marry me but I fear he���ll treat me the same way he treated these women. I love him very much and wouldn���t like to lose him. What answer do I give him?-Vic, Ikot Ekpene (Trust Paper, April 1976)

I had four babies in quick succession and I feel I need a break if not a total stop. I talked to my husband about this and said that I would like to visit the family planning clinic nearest to us for advice. But my husband says respectable married women do not use such devices to stop having babies. He believes that only bad women need them. I just can���t cope with another child right now as I���m mentally and physically exhausted. How do I get my husband to agree?��–Ajoke, Ibadan (Spear, June 1970)

I���m 18 and hopelessly in love with a boy of 20. I wouldn���t�� like to lose him. He loves me, too. He has informed me that he���ll�� be going to the U.S.A. to further his studies. He wants to impregnate me before he leaves. He said he���ll then take me to his parents who will look after me until he is back. Is that a sensible arrangement?-Grace, Jos (DRUM, December 1975)

I���m a 19-year-old worker. I used to have sex every night when I was in the township. I���m now working in a village. There are no young single women around. All the women are married. I was told I can bed any woman I want, but sleeping with married women is against my religious up-bringing. I wouldn���t�� like to go against the rules of my denomination and I have no money with which to marry now. Please tell me what to do. –B.D., Zaria (DRUM, December 1975)

My parents want me to marry a particular girl while I want to marry the girl with whom I���m in love. It happened that I wrote my girl and my parents letters the same day and I mistakenly put the wrong letter in the wrong envelope. Now she���ll know what my parents think of her. How can I win over my parents after this foolish thing I���ve done? I���m 17. –Moshood, Lagos. (DRUM, December 1975)

I fell in love with a girl while I was serving on a mission in the East. The girl loves me too and we plan to marry. Her mother is in agreement with our plan but her father is not. My girl would like to elope with me but she���s afraid of her dad. I���ve tried every way to win the man over. Now he told me that he���ll allow me to have sex with the girl in his house and that any child we have will be his because my girl is his only child. –John, Lagos (Trust Paper, February 1972)

I���m a 23-year-old student and so is my boyfriend. I���m a virgin and my boyfriend respects me for it, but my girlfriends laugh and say that I���ll never bear children if I don���t�� get deflowered now. I���m afraid of eventually losing my husband to another woman because of childlessness. Do you suggest I take their advice and get married instead of furthering my studies? At what age is a woman past her prime? –Sandra, Benin (Trust Paper, November 1977)

A week after my wife came to join me in Lagos where I was employed as a steward boy, my master fired me without just cause. My friends told me it was my wife who had brought the bad luck and advised that I should leave her. I���d been living peacefully with my master until my wife arrived. I saw a native doctor who told her the same thing and added that if I don���t�� send her back home, I would never get a stable job. I love my wife. We have been married since 1953 and I don���t�� want to accuse her of bringing me bad luck when we already have four children. Please advise me. –P.K, Nigeria (DRUM, May 1967)

I was 15 and in primary school when I wed a girl of 13. I���m now better educated while my wife is still illiterate. I feel ashamed each time my friends accompany me home. She respects me and is a good housewife in spite of the mentioned handicap. Do you advise that I send her away. –Eisekhanghor, Kaduna (DRUM, November 1978)

I intend to marry a girl of 19. I am 24. But my greatest problem is that this girl is a witch. She confessed it to me and said that her school mates had done something to her so that she cannot conceive again. Please help me. We already love each other, so what shall I do? –Kummar, Yola (DRUM, November 1978)

I���m 20 and I plan to marry my girl in a few years. Her father said should pay her dowry but I don���t �� want to pay it because I regard dowry as buying a slave. I have no money to marry but I love this girl. Is it good to buy a girl with money since the Englishmen stopped slave trade years ago? Tell me what to do to have this girl as my wife. –Kano, Julius (DRUM, January 1971)

Every August, Osogbo comes alive for the Osun-Osogbo Festival, a two-week celebration centred around the Osun Sacred Grove and Osun, the Yoruba deity associated with the river. For generations, devotees, tourists and people from the Yoruba community in Nigeria and the diaspora have gathered for prayers, music, dancing, rituals and the famous procession through the sacred grove.

As the original number one prayer drink, Seaman���s Schnapps has long had a place in moments where faith and community come together. Over the years, it has remained part of these celebrations while encouraging Nigerians to hold on to the things that make them who they are, even as the ways we express ourselves continue to evolve.

That idea of finding your way back to your roots feels especially relevant today. As the way we connect with our culture changes, there���s still value in getting back to the basics that ground us. To understand why Osun-Osogbo still means so much today, we have to go back to the beginning. 

It All Started With a Promise

The story behind Osun-Osogbo sounds like a Nollywood fantasy film. According to Yoruba tradition, when early settlers arrived in what is now Osogbo and began clearing the forest to build their home, they encountered Osun. She warned them not to disturb her grove, and both sides reached an agreement: the people would protect and honour the grove, while Osun would protect and bless the community.

That promise became the foundation of what we now know as the Osun-Osogbo Festival. Every year, the community returns to the grove to honour that relationship. Over the years, devotees and community members have kept the tradition alive, passing its stories and practices from one generation to the next.

And this isn���t just another festival on Nigeria���s already-packed cultural calendar. The Osun Sacred Grove was declared a UNESCO in 2005, recognising its importance as a surviving centre of Yoruba spirituality and culture.

What makes Osun-Osogbo most interesting is that it hasn���t been left in the past. Every generation that shows up adds something of its own while keeping the traditions at the centre.

Gen Z Is Finding Its Way Back

For a generation that grew up online, you���d think old traditions would have a hard time keeping up. Instead, young Nigerians are finding new ways to keep Yoruba culture relevant. 

Music is probably the easiest place to spot this shift. Kayode Oyetoro is mixing with trap, while the growing movement is bringing Yoruba language and sounds into contemporary pop. Even Ayra Starr���s now has taken Yoruba style to a global audience.

But this isn���t entirely new. Long before the social media era, the Osun-Osogbo Festival was already bringing music, fashion, art, spirituality and community together in one place. Today, it gives a new generation the chance to experience these traditions directly.

That connection is why celebrations like the Osun-Osogbo festival matter to Seaman’s Schnapps. As Nnenna Uche Onyenacho, Senior Brand Manager at Nigerian Distilleries Limited, puts it, ���Osun-Osogbo is not just a festival. It defines us as a people.��� What���s more is that the brand wants to support the growing interest among young Nigerians in expressing and preserving their roots.

And Seaman���s isn���t stopping at Osun-Osogbo. From Ojude Oba to the��Itsekiri Homecoming and Olojo, the brand is showing up wherever Nigerians are coming together to celebrate who they are. It���s all part of its ���Welcome Back to Your Roots��� message: culture stays alive when every generation finds a reason to embrace it.

In this story, nine Nigerians recount the hurtful moments when their parents put other people���s opinions and feelings before their own.

���My mum disgraced me because of someone���s comment��� ��� Mide* 24

I realised how much my mum cared about other people���s opinions  at her friend���s birthday party last year. Shortly after we arrived, one of her friends saw me at the carpark and commented that my dress was too tight and short. My mum immediately joined in, calling me an ashewo and saying that this was why I never had respectable people around me.

I reminded her that she���d seen what I was wearing before we left home, but that only made it worse. She raised her voice until she created a scene and even said I couldn���t enter the venue with her. I was so embarrassed that I went home. What hurt most was how easily she moved on afterwards. She never apologised and acted as though nothing had happened.

���My dad is only generous to outsiders��� ��� Emmanuel* 21

My dad is well-off, but it doesn���t reflect in our lives. I currently stay in a run-down school hostel even though he can afford private accommodation. Before this session, I begged him to let me leave because I���d fallen sick several times from the mosquitoes, poor water, and hygiene, but he still refused to pay ���400k for a private hostel.

Then my cousin got married that same month and my dad gifted them ���700k on top of all his other contributions. He did that openly knowing people would praise his generosity. Meanwhile, his own children are struggling with basic things. We can���t even buy Nutella at home because he complains about the cost. I hate watching people praise him for doing good things when his own family has to suffer.

���I���m being forced to care for my uncle at the expense of my academics��� ���Tolu*, 29

My mum took in her older brother after he had a stroke. His family had abandoned him years ago because of his abusive behaviour, but my mum felt responsible for him because she���s the only daughter in the family. The problem is that she���s now put most of that responsibility on me because I���m currently unemployed. She expects me to clean up after him, even when he soils himself.

I���ve begged her to at least pay someone to help, but she says it would make the family look bad if we couldn���t care for our own. Meanwhile, I���m struggling to keep up with my master���s programme because  caring for him is time consuming. I���m trying not to resent the situation, but it���s hard when no one cares about me. 

���My mum lives a fake life, and I���ve started to do the same��� ��� Choice*, 22

My mum is a chronic liar, and growing up around her has affected me. She���d wear fake gold and tell people she���d spent millions on it. Sometimes, she���d even go into debt to attend parties with her wealthy friends. Meanwhile, we���d be struggling at home, but she was too proud to ask them for help because she wanted to maintain a certain image.

Recently, I realised I���ve started doing the same thing. I travelled home from school by bus and got home around midnight, but when one of my mum���s friends��� children asked about  my journey, I immediately said, ���Oh, my flight was smooth.��� It was such a pointless lie, and I didn���t even know why I told it. Watching my mum constantly create a better version of our lives to impress people has made me feel like I have to do the same. I feel sad and ashamed.

I was forced to apologise to my uncle after speaking up��� ��� Samuel*, 28

Shortly before my dad passed, he gave one of my uncles a huge sum of money to start a farming business. But my uncle disappeared with the money, and the business never happened. They continued to have issues over it until my dad died.

Afterwards, my uncle suddenly took charge of the burial preparations as if nothing had happened. I got upset when he started pushing for an elaborate celebration because we were still struggling with medical and funeral expenses. I called him out and said that if he returned some of the money he took, maybe we���d actually be able to afford a big burial. My mum was furious and said people would blame her for not raising her children to respect their elders. She refused to eat until I apologised to him. 

���My mum still tells people I���m a medical doctor��� ��� Abdul* 20

I feel like I was pressured into medical school because of my parents��� expectations. My mum always told people I was very smart, even though I was an average student, because  she really wanted to have a doctor as a child. I didn���t want to study medicine, but I went along with it and struggled through my first year before the school eventually moved me to biochemistry.

The frustrating part is that my mum still tells people she has a medical doctor as a son. It puts me in a position where I have to lie or play along whenever she talks about me. 

���She didn���t speak up about my maltreatment��� ��� Salama* 34

My mum���s older sister raised her, so when she needed someone to help around the house, my mum volunteered to send me. Instead of treating me like family, they treated me like a maid. I lived with them from JSS1 to SS2, and constantly complained to my parents about the maltreatment and the poor school I attended. My mum refused to intervene because she didn���t want to upset him.

Eventually, I ran away and returned  home. My mum still wanted to send me back until other family members intervened. She seemed more upset about how I left than what had made me leave in the first place. Even though it���s been many years, I���m glad I left when I did. 

���I���m being forced to attend church��� ��� Dike* 24

I was raised in an enclosed and abusive church environment. I can���t even begin to explain the extent of what I experienced, but I thought it was normal because that was all I knew. As I got older, I noticed too many contradictions and hypocrisies. Earlier this year, I realised that the church no longer aligned with my values and stopped going.

My dad, who is a pastor, was distraught. He tried everything to get me back, from insulting and berating me to begging and emotionally blackmailing me. Eventually,  I returned just to keep the peace. He said he didn���t care that I no longer believed, but people in the church were already spreading rumours that I wasn���t attending because I had joined some fraudsters in our area. So every Sunday, I have to sit through church and pretend I want to be there.

���My dad protected my abuser��� ��� Esther*, 41

One of my teachers used to single me out and bully me when I was a preteen. One day, he beat me so badly that I needed to go to the hospital. All because I couldn���t answer a question in class.

My mum was shaken and wanted to take action, but my dad refused. The teacher was an influential member of an association my dad belonged to, and he didn���t want to cause trouble. He wouldn���t even confront him or change my school. The teacher got away with it and continued to harass me. I was always a target, and no matter how much I complained, nothing was done. It happened many years ago, but I still think about it.

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