In this week���s Marriage Diaries, Tiwalade shares how she ignored her instincts when her relationship moved too fast, the pregnancy that made her question whether she wanted to stay married, and why she���s now counting the days until she can leave.

Got a marriage story to share? Please油油and we���ll reach out.

I never really wanted marriage

I wasn���t sure I���d ever get married, so I didn���t spend much time thinking about it. Don���t get me wrong, I loved the idea of love. My friends would even call me a hopeless romantic. I had so many romance novels that I used to rent them out to friends. But I also understood that what I read in books and watched in movies wasn���t necessarily real life.

My parents didn���t have a good marriage. They loved each other in their own way, but theirs wasn���t the kind of relationship that made you eager to get married. My mum used to say my dad only changed after they had children, and as he got older.

For a long time, I told myself I didn���t want to get married or have children. I imagined finding a companion and figuring out life together without necessarily getting married. That was what I wanted, but I never said it out loud. 

Then I met my husband, and everything moved quickly. We dated for about six months and got married by the eighth month. He was very serious about marriage, and he made that clear from the beginning. The first time he met my parents, he told them he planned to marry me.

I remember we even had a small fight because that meeting was only supposed to be a casual visit. Looking back, maybe that was when I should have paid more attention. Once he decided he was ready for marriage, it started to feel like I was the one holding things up. Even my family told me that if I wasn���t ready, I should let him go.

Before the wedding, he was nice, patient and kind. Looking back, I feel like he hid his red flags well. From the first year of our marriage, I started regretting that I hadn���t listened to myself.

In these past few years, the only thing I haven���t experienced is physical abuse. I���ve dealt with infidelity, emotional and financial abuse, gaslighting, everything you can think of. Sometimes, it feels like I���ve been married for a decade. Then I remember it���s only been three years.

We started fighting almost immediately

I didn���t expect our problems to start so soon. From the stories I���d heard, the early years of marriage were supposed to be the sweet, peaceful part. Mine wasn���t like that.

The month we moved in together, we had a major fight while setting up the house. I wanted the bedroom to look a certain way, while my husband had a different idea. He reminded me that he���d let me design the kitchen however I wanted, and I didn���t like what I thought he was implying.

I asked if he was saying I should be confined to the kitchen because that was my place. I���ll never forget his response: ���Whose place is the kitchen if not yours?���

We shouted at each other and didn���t speak for about three days. Eventually, I was the one who apologised. I remember wondering if this was what our marriage would look like every time we disagreed.

Well, I was right. Since then, there���s always been one argument or another. Most of the time, I just find ways to keep the peace. I still feel like it���s too early to start involving other people in our marriage, so I���ve mostly had to figure things out on my own.

Pregnancy made me question everything

The first time I seriously questioned whether I could stay in the marriage was when I got pregnant. I was very sick and didn���t understand what was happening to my body. My husband never said it directly, but I felt like my pregnancy irritated him. He moved into another room, and we didn���t have sex throughout the pregnancy. Whenever I tried to initiate, he had an excuse. I kept reminding him that we were still in the early stages and could have sex, but he didn���t want to hear it.

I started wondering if I could actually stay with him. At one point, I even had the dark thought of ending the pregnancy because I didn���t want to feel tied to the marriage. I don���t know if it was the hormones, but I remember feeling that way. What made everything more confusing was that he still showed up for me in other ways. He followed me to my hospital appointments, made sure I had everything I needed and even offered to get someone to help take care of me.

I couldn���t make sense of the contradiction. I eventually prayed about it and convinced myself I was probably overreacting. Somehow, the doubts passed.

Finding out about my husband���s affairs changed how I handle conflict

Late last year, I went through his phone. He���d been telling me he didn���t have money, and I knew he wasn���t being truthful, so I wanted to check his account balance or find something that would explain what was going on. When I finally got the chance, I didn���t find any debit or credit alerts. Instead, I found messages between him and two different women.

It wasn���t even the first time I���d suspected he was cheating. I���d once found a condom in his travel bag, but he managed to explain it away with a series of lies. This time, I had evidence, so I confronted him.

I still don���t know if there���s a right way to have a conversation like that, but it quickly became a heated argument. Instead of addressing what I���d found, he focused on my invasion of his privacy. He emotionally blackmailed me so much that I started wondering if I was the one who had done something wrong.

That experience changed how I approach certain conversations. I became much more careful about what I say and how I say it.

Now, he���s expecting a child with another woman. I found out from his phone again, but I pretended I didn���t know for a while. Eventually, I told my mum because carrying it alone had become too much.

She advised me to approach him gently. This time, he admitted that he���d had something to do with the woman but insisted he wasn���t the father of the child. I know he���s lying because I read their messages, and what I saw didn���t look like a fling.

That���s where we are now. He insists nothing is still happening between them, and I���m trying to be patient. But at this point, I���m counting the days until I can leave the marriage. I know my time is up.

I don���t recognise who I���ve become

I���ve lost parts of myself over the past couple of years. I���m quicker to anger now, and I wasn���t like that before. I���m constantly on the offensive because I feel like the other person is trying to get one over on me. I used to be slow to react, almost to a fault. Now, my husband has brought out a side of me I didn���t know existed.

It���s affected my relationships outside the marriage, too. Earlier this year, I spent a week at my parents��� house and found myself constantly shouting at my siblings or complaining about something. My mum eventually asked, ���When did you become like this?���

That question stayed with me for the rest of my visit. I had to consciously stop myself from reacting to little things my siblings did. The funny thing is, they were things I would have laughed about before.

Having a child in the middle of all this hasn���t made things easier. Sometimes, I feel like I���m losing my mind. My baby could be throwing a tantrum while I���m already dealing with another issue with his dad, and it all becomes too much.

I can���t wait to feel like myself again.

I should have listened to myself

If I could go back, I���d tell myself to listen to that first instinct about wanting a companion instead of pushing myself towards marriage. Even now, I think about leaving once I���m financially capable of standing on my own. But I don���t know if it���ll be as easy to do as it sounds in my head.

If I could advise my younger self, I���d tell her to listen to herself. Don���t let people talk you into making a decision because they think it���s right for you. I wish I had listened.

油*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

Got a marriage story to share? Please油油and we���ll reach out.

Temi (35) and Wumi (32) met on an Africa Magic film set in 2022. 

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about a week of living together before they were officially dating, a proposal disguised as a baby shower, and building their own production company alongside their marriage. 

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Wumi: We met on the set of an African Magic series in October 2022. I’d been shooting for a couple of months, then the story got to a point where they were going to bring in some new characters; very wicked ones, too. Everyone on set was curious about who would play them. Then someone mentioned that one Temi Fosudo was playing one of the characters a day before he arrived. But his name didn’t register because I���d never heard of him. He joined us on set the next day, and I could finally put a face to his name.

Temi: I actually always assumed we had the same first memory of each other. I didn���t know she had this preamble. Anyway, my first memory of Wumi was the day I joined the Itura production.

I walked into the actors’ holding room greeting everyone, and I saw her. Normally, I don’t remember faces when I walk into a crowded room, because it overstimulates me and I just look for a corner to sit in. But her face registered properly for reasons I didn���t understand. We said hello, and that was all.

What was it about her that registered with you, Temi?

Temi: It wasn’t anything physical. I think she was in costume, and her natural hair was out, but it was really her aura. She had a very welcoming spirit.

Wumi: I remember I was actually done for the day and wanted to go back to the lodge. But I looked up when he came in and spent an extra second looking at him. My first thought was that he was a fine boy. He had a shy smile. Then someone shouted “baby” at him, and I thought, who���s already calling him baby? It turned out they just knew each other from the set. The way he answered was also very calm. He came off as a well-mannered guy.

So what happened after that first day?

Temi: I was keeping to myself most of the time. During that period, I lived in Ibadan, so it was usually a long, exhausting drive to Lagos. Whenever I got to set, I just wanted my own space and all. Then, one day, she conned me into playing Ludo with her.

Wumi: I was looking for someone new to beat, since I was beating everybody on set. Everyone else had gone to shoot, so it was just him and a few others in the holding room. I asked if he played Ludo, and he said yes, and I beat him three-nil. He has refused to play with me again since then.

Screaming.

Temi: She didn’t cheat, I’ll admit. But during the game, we also spent a lot of time talking, bantering, and just getting to know each other on a surface level. I remember we also took a stroll and talked about the book I was writing. Then, another night, I drove us to the supermarket. I bought her something without thinking, and it turned out she bought me something too. It was a cute and friendly moment. I remember walking back to her saying, ���Hey, I bought this for you,��� and she also went, ���I bought this for you, too.���

Wumi: During this period, I also found out Temi wasn���t exactly a big talker. I found that interesting because it meant I could do most of the talking and he could listen. I remember telling him I was on a man cleanse, which might have been too much information, considering we���d only just met. But that was also how easy it was to be around each other. The whole time, I didn’t know he was registering it all. I also found out he was a writer and was working on a book at the time, so that was fun for me. We had so much to talk about.

The funny thing is, while checking him out online, I found out his dad is the legendary actor Sola Fosudo, and that one of my best friends, Wendy, knew him. Her brother went to university with him. We had so many mutual friends that I wondered where he’d been all this time.

Sounds cute. What was going on in your love lives at the time, though?

Temi: I was in a relationship. I was driving to see my girlfriend in Ibadan almost every weekend and coming back on Sunday or Monday. The relationship was already having problems, though I didn’t tell Wumi at first. The babe and I eventually realised we weren’t compatible.

Wumi: I was single. The fact that Temi had a girlfriend actually made me more comfortable with him, because I didn’t have to worry that he’d like me or that something weird would happen. I did feel a twinge of disappointment, because he’s a fine boy and I would have loved to flirt a little. But I’m monogamous, and if you have someone and you move to me, you’ve lost me. So I thought, okay, moving on.

Temi: I eventually broke up with the lady. The relationship had just run its course. At the time, Wumi and I were just friends. She was in Lagos, and I was in Ibadan, and we didn’t even have each other’s numbers, only Instagram, where we chatted here and there. 

However, when the relationship ended, I told her I was single now. I wasn’t making a move, I told her as a friend, because she knew I used to travel to see my girlfriend. But part of me knew that if I didn’t say it, we’d never find out if there was something worth pursuing.

I see. And how did you take that news, Wumi?

Wumi: This is so funny because I remember the day he told me. I stood up and started dancing where I was, and I don’t know why. I called one of my friends and told her he was single. She asked why I was happy, and I said, because now I can flirt without feeling guilty. That’s when I realised I’d been suppressing something. Before then, he wasn’t even in my subconscious.

Curious. How did the friendship play out now that you were both single?

Wumi: Honestly, we only just grew deeper as friends. We found out our birthdays are two days apart, and we finally exchanged numbers. He wasn’t a fan of long calls until me, and we’d talk into the middle of the night. We talked about everything: family, religion, feminism, and football. I’m a feminist, and I don’t usually call men feminists, but I would call him one. We debated a lot, but the conversations were healthy. He was more serious than I’m used to, and also goofier than I expected. He found out I watch football too. He’s a Liverpool fan, and I support Man City, who are having a bad time right now.

Temi: I liked that we shared similar values, and that we could argue and still be fine afterwards. In fact, I liked what was happening between us, and I think that was when I first started to picture us as an item. But somewhere in all that certainty that I liked her, I also knew that it���s easier to fall for someone when you haven���t really been in the same physical space with them at length. That���s how you know if they���re an actual version of everything they���ve projected. By that time, we���d gone out a few times and hung out. But about two months in, I proposed something weird.

I said we should spend one week together in the same space. 

Wumi: Most people go on a date or two, but he wanted us to be together for days. If we still felt the same connection and attraction after that, we’d see where it went. I kept asking what he wanted, and he’d say, “You’ll soon know.��� I told him that sounded like a threat. I���d also joked earlier on that I was still enjoying the streets, and he told me my time on the streets was up. Meanwhile, in my head, I was only just getting started.

Right. But how did you really feel about his proposal?

Wumi: I hadn’t felt that kind of tension since my first day of secondary school. I was about two years out of a long relationship and taking my time, so this wasn’t in my plans. But I was open to it. 

On the agreed-upon week, he drove to Lagos and brought yams and meat, because I’d told him I don’t like the market and I don’t like cooking. We went to the supermarket, and I bought everything I wanted, chocolate included, and I was ready to pay my share. Then this man brought out his card and paid for everything. I remember joking that he must have plenty of money, and he said it wasn’t plenty, but he could afford what we needed. I liked that answer.

What was the week like?

Wumi: It was easy. We watched movies, went out, and talked. It felt like we were already married, which was weird and scary. I’d decided not to hide anything, so if he did something I didn’t like, I told him straight away. I don’t like it when people move my things, and he moved a hair cream. I told him not to do that again. It was a very nice week.

Temi: I think it also helped that we���d met up a couple of times before this long stretch spent together. So it wasn���t like something that happened completely out of the blue. 

Did staying with a man for a whole week worry you, Wumi?

Wumi: A little. I’m cautious and very security-conscious. But our mutual friends lived about fifteen minutes from my house, and Wendy’s brother had known him since university. Everyone said he was cool. I had also lived with a partner before, so staying with someone wasn’t new. What made me anxious was opening myself up mentally, because I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold certain things back.

Would you say you achieved the outcome you wanted from that visit?

Temi: I did. It was a deciding move for me. I already believed she was someone I could spend my life with, but I needed to be completely sure. People can be different when you share a space with them. I wanted to simulate marriage. If it didn’t work, we’d still be friends. My own house in Ibadan was always full of younger boys and friends, so there was no privacy there. That was why we decided on her place in Lagos.

Wumi: I’m hearing this for the first time. I thought he was trying to show me that a relationship isn’t the worst thing for me at this point in my life. I had no idea he was thinking about marriage. I’m glad I was open to it.

Temi: Anyway, I left her place knowing I was going to ask her to be my girlfriend and that I wanted to marry her. Saying the marriage part out loud so early sounded a bit psychopathic, so I kept it to myself.

When did you ask her out?

Temi: A few weeks later, at a film festival run by my best friend. This was sometime around April, 2023. We were watching a movie, and a character recited a love poem in Yoruba. I don’t speak Yoruba, but I repeated the poem beside her and asked her to be my girlfriend.

Wumi: I said yes, but I told him that wasn’t how I wanted to be asked. I told him to use his words and tell me why he wanted me to be his girlfriend, and that he couldn’t sleep without me. He planned a proper dinner and asked again, as a surprise, about a month later. The funny thing is, that was something I just said in the moment to tease him. We were already dating, so I didn’t expect him to ask a second time. But he did.

The first time was April 27th, and the second was in late May. I still think the film festival is the foundation of everything we’re building now, because I wasn’t that invested in the industry before.

What were the early days of the relationship like?

Temi: Dreamy. It felt like an unending honeymoon phase, and I think right now it feels like we���re back to the early days of our relationship in a way. There was no moment where I thought I’d made a mistake. We debated a lot, and it pushed us to learn more. 

Wumi: Everything he said. I got a lot more grounded in my knowledge of the industry. Before, I just wanted to act and keep it moving. But Temi pushed me to be more involved in the festivals and all the other moving parts of our craft. And it was vice versa.

I was a fashion and beauty editor at the time, and he learned a lot about fashion and beauty from me. He was also planning to move to Lagos anyway, since he was almost always shooting here and barely spent time in his place in Ibadan. Everything just worked well in those early days. But we also had small hiccups here and there.

And how did you handle these ���hiccups���?

Wumi: So in my past relationships, if we fought, I was always ready to up and leave. With Temi, it was different. I’d tell him how I felt because I wanted us to work through it, not because I wanted to fight more. I used to be stubborn about wanting an answer immediately. Eventually, he explained that he always needed time to sort through his feelings before he could handle whatever we were going through in any given moment. It took some getting used to, but we found a balance. He���s since learnt to think a little faster, and I wait a little longer.

Temi: I think it���s because I���m somewhat conflict-avoidant. I like to debate issues with myself first before addressing them head-on. For me, it���s never about trying to win the argument; I’m only trying to get to the truth. However, it turns out that when I only argue with myself, I’m using only the facts I have, and when I finally tell her, she adds a detail I didn’t know, so all that time was wasted. 

I’ve learned to speak sooner and explain why I do things. 

Wumi: Over time, we���ve also learnt to accept that one person isn���t trying to hurt the other when they communicate their issues. When I got suspicious about something he���d done, he’d ask why I thought he’d do something on purpose. That helped me separate the issue from him and remember that he’s a kind and honest person first.

Nice. When exactly did marriage come up?

Wumi: At some point, Temi asked what I thought about marriage. I hadn���t really given it much thought after my last relationship. Yet, when he brought it up, I said I���d do it as long as it���s with him. 

Then one night at home, with his friend around, we measured each other’s ring fingers. I think he engineered that conversation so well that I didn’t realise it was pre-planned. On September 30th, 2023, five months into dating, he asked me to marry him.

Temi: I was sure. By that point, I’d become very strict about who I dated, and I was ending talking stages in three days. When I met Wumi, I knew I���d gotten to my final bus stop. I didn’t see the point of dating for a year to prove something I already believed. Before you propose, you should already be talking about marriage, and we were.

Wumi: It was a really cute proposal, too. 

Awwwn. Tell me about it.

Wumi: He plotted with my friends and they successfully pulled a surprise on me. I genuinely thought I was attending a friend���s baby shower. I even paid my part of the contribution for the said friend. That morning, I woke up with an allergy and nobody could convince me to wear heavy makeup or wear a purple dress, because that���s my favourite colour. I got to the venue, saw ���Will you marry me?��� and it still didn���t dawn on me.

It took five different possibilities before I realised it was mine and saw someone recording me. I sat down and laughed for a long time before I could walk over. Then Temi forgot his lines. Our song was playing, and all I remember is him saying there was nobody else he’d rather spend his life with.

Temi: The hardest part was finding the ring. She wanted a purple stone, and I couldn’t find one anywhere, so I had to have one made. I hid my phone the whole time because she notices everything. I told her I was writing a script for someone, and her friend helped by telling her she was trying to reach me for work. I���m glad we pulled it off.

We had our introduction in December 2023 and got married in June 2024.

How would you describe the marriage so far?

Temi: Amazing. We’re still building on the same foundation of friendship, openness, honesty, and love. There was a period when our arguments got too heated, but it didn’t last. We share everything, finances, dreams, plans, and she���s also learning to share her food.

Wumi: I can’t remember half of what used to cause those heated arguments. But a big part was probably keeping our individuality in marriage. I like to push him, and I struggled with knowing when to stop. I was also frustrated with work, and he had a lot going on, too, so small comments kept building up. 

At one point, I told him that at the end of the day, he was just a man, and that comment really got to him more than I intended. I’d been projecting things from past experiences. I eventually had to remind myself that this is Temi, not every man out there.

Temi: It also helps that one of us is always willing to step back, and most of the time it’s me. We can���t keep going at it band for band when emotions are high. Sometimes I stop responding in that moment, and she knows to stop pushing as well. 

We���ve also just realised that we���re in this together. Whatever we���re both going through, we always come back to the same table where we���re both seated. I���m the person for her, and she���s the person for me.

Neat. How would you say this relationship has changed you?

Temi: My style is more expressive now. But I’ve also gained a creative partner. For years, everyone I shared ideas with was a man, my dad or my friends. Now I have a woman who starts giving me ideas before I’ve finished a script, and she sees things from an angle I can’t. She’s also brought structure into my creative life, and I���m forever grateful for that.

Wumi: Being with Temi has changed me in many beautiful ways. I found my person, but I���ve also found my calling. I’m building a production company with my husband, whom I always call my genius. People see and say I’m glowing, and that���s the truth. I can have bad days and the moment I see him, and he hugs me, everything is well with the world again.

We also have regular check-ins where we ask each other if we’re happy and if we feel loved. All in all, our relationship has made me a lot more secure in my career, and I feel reassured that I���m not going through life alone. 

Speaking of career, how has it been working together in the same industry?

Wumi: Awesome. As I said, Temi���s a genius. I love that I play my part in sharing creative ideas with him and helping him bring his ideas to life in the best way possible.

We made a short film called Tell It No More, which is on YouTube, and we recently shot another one that’s in post-production. Then there’s our play, . When we met, Temi kept telling me about a story he’s carried for years. When I heard it, I thought it would touch hearts and shake some tables. The first run in Lagos was widely received. We did it again, and now we’re staging it a third time in October with Alliance Francaise, all within a year.

Temi: I���ll add that it hasn���t always been completely seamless. We argue and have our little back-and-forths. But neither of us holds back, and we always find a way to make it work. 

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Temi: A 10. I’m happy, my life is more interesting, and it’s easier to dream when someone is dreaming beside you.

Wumi: A 10 as well. It’s so much fun being in love with Temi, and it feels like a breath of fresh air. I didn’t think it could be this good, and I don’t talk about how good this feels because I feel like I’d jinx it. But this is my guy. 

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this油.

These six Nigerians have been there, and they confess some of the wildest things they���ve done to a roommate���s belongings out of spite.

 ���I used her white dress as a rag��� ��� Sandra*, F, 28

I met Chidera* in Uni, and we lived together for two years. During our first year, I kept my distance, and we got along fine. Things changed after my mother suggested befriending her so we could look out for each other. Then she started touching my things.

Once, she used my lotion and left it open. Another time, she used my shirt as a rag. When I confronted her, she laughed and said she didn���t know I still wore it. After she used my skirt to make a pillowcase, I decided I���d had enough. 

One day, I cooked with firewood even though we had gas. When I was done, I used her white dress to take the pot off the fire. She was furious. I told her I didn���t know it was hers, then laughed in her face. She stopped touching my things and eventually moved out. My only regret is not using the dress to wipe palm oil.

���I put holes in his condoms��� ��� Wale*, M, 24

My roommate and I lived together for a year, and he had a habit of crossing boundaries. One day, I came home to find semen on the bed. He and his girlfriend had also eaten all the food I���d cooked. I was angry and wanted to get back at him, so I used needles to put holes in his condoms. He clearly didn���t consider my feelings, so it felt like a fair trade. I don���t know if it was related, but his girlfriend later got pregnant, but they didn���t keep it. He never found out, and I have zero regrets. We���re cool now, so I wouldn���t do it again.

���I dipped her toothbrush in the toilet��� ��� Kemi*, F,  20

My roommate and I have lived together for two years. One time, we had an argument, and she insulted me and called me horrible names. I was angry and wanted to retaliate, so I dipped her toothbrush in the toilet and put it back where I found it. She used it afterwards without knowing what I���d done.

Looking back, I think she deserved it. However, I wouldn���t do it again. 

���I put his dirty plates at the door��� ��� Michael*, M, 32

When I was in Uni, I lived with a roommate for two years. He was very dirty and would abandon his plates in the kitchen for days. The funny thing was that he always looked spotless when he went outside.

Whenever his friends visited, he���d hide his dirty pots and plates. After a while, I got tired of looking at them, so one day, when he wasn���t around, I moved all his dirty plates to the front door.

When he returned and saw them, the horrified look on his face was very satisfactory. You���d think that would have taught him a lesson, but he left the plates there. He eventually washed them two days later after the porter threatened to throw them away.

���I ate the last food she had for the day��� ��� Ore*, F,  29

My roommate and I have lived together for four years. Once, she used my foodstuff without asking, so I decided to get back at her by eating the last portion of rice she had cooked. When she found out, she was furious. It was the only food she had available, and she was looking forward to eating it. 

I felt disappointed in myself afterwards, but I think she deserved it because she did the same thing to me. I wouldn���t do it again, though.

 ���I moved his dirty plates to his bed��� ��� Ubong*, M,  27

When I was in 300L, I shared a room with someone I���m no longer friends with. He ate my food, used my foodstuff and hid his own provisions. He always claimed he was broke and couldn���t contribute, but somehow, he had money to go out drinking with his friends. He also used to leave his dirty plates in the sink. 

One evening, he went out and forgot to lock his box. I went through it and found some provisions like cornflakes, milk and other things. I ate the cornflakes and milk, then put the dirty plates he���d refused to wash on his bed. When he returned and saw what I���d done, we fought. The neighbours intervened, and he eventually moved out after a month. 

Read Also: 6 Nigerians Share How Their Parents Still Support Them Financially as Adults

At the end of this story, you���ll get to decide: Did Mayowa fuck up or not?

This is Mayowa���s dilemma as told to Betty

I started supporting my family financially before I even graduated from university. I mostly did side gigs then, so whenever I made some money,  I���d take a portion of it and give it to my parents. I didn���t mind helping. I knew they had sacrificed a lot for me, and helping them felt like my way of giving back. They were always appreciative, but over the years, their requests slowly became demands.

That became obvious this year when my younger brother asked me for a new phone.

He���s in his third year at university and has been using the same phone for three years. It had started developing problems, so he asked my parents if they could replace it. They told him they couldn���t afford to.

He eventually came to me, and I agreed to get him a phone in June. I couldn���t buy it immediately because I���d promised to replace my parents��� faulty pumping machine, and I had other financial commitments. By July, though, I had enough to buy him a  used iPhone 12, so I sent it to him.

He was so happy and sent me a sweet thank-you message. Later that evening, my mum called.

I thought she was calling to thank me for getting my brother the phone. Instead, she questioned why I���d spent money on him.

She asked why I would buy a phone for a young boy who would only use it to scroll the internet when I hadn���t bought one for my parents, especially her. I explained that my brother needed the phone for schoolwork and his old phone was barely working, but she wasn���t interested in my explanation. 

Then she gave me an ultimatum. I had to replace her phone as soon as possible, or she would collect my brother���s new phone. That was when I got angry.  I���d spent almost a decade helping my family whenever I could. I had never complained about giving them money or helping with a problem. But now, after I���d bought my brother a phone, my mum was telling me what I should spend my money on and threatening to take something I had bought for him.

I told her I didn���t have the money for another phone and that I wasn���t buying one for her. I also told her not to take my brother���s phone.

She saw my refusal as disrespect and reported me to my dad.

He tried to persuade me to start saving towards my mum���s phone, but I told him I couldn���t. I also need to replace my own phone, and buying three phones in one year isn���t realistic on my income.

Instead of understanding my point of view, he suggested I postpone buying my own phone until next year and use the money to make my mum happy. That made me even angrier. 

I never intended to become my family���s breadwinner. I wanted to help where I could, not become responsible for meeting every financial need that came up. So I told my dad I wouldn���t postpone my plans, and I still refused to buy my mum the phone.

Since then, the relationship with my mum has grown tense. My dad told me to apologise for how I spoke to her, which I did. But even after my apology, she has remained cold towards me.

I���m still torn about what to do next. Part of me thinks I could buy her a phone next year and let the whole thing go. Maybe that would restore the peace at home. But another part of me wants to maintain the boundary I���ve drawn so my family doesn���t become even more entitled to my earnings.

I don���t regret telling my mum no. I just didn���t expect one refusal to create this much tension at home.

Now I���m left wondering if I fucked up by refusing to buy my mum a new phone.

Read Also: 6 Nigerians Share How Their Parents Still Support Them Financially as Adults

David* (23) has lived with sickle cell all his life. It has shaped his childhood, relationships and the way he sees himself.

In this episode of On the Streets, he opens up about his journey with sickle cell, a heartbreak he���s yet to recover from and how his condition  has shaped the way he approaches dating.

What���s your current relationship status, and how do you feel about it?

I���m single, and I live with sickle cell. It has affected almost every part of my life, including how I approach relationships. Now that I���m older and navigating adult life, I���m learning what it means to build relationships while living with a condition that has always been a part of me.

Let’s start from the beginning. How has sickle cell affected your life?

I was diagnosed with when I was about three years old, so I���ve never really known life without sickle cell.

People treated me differently from a young age. I was bullied a lot in school because my teachers knew about my condition. They weren���t discreet about it, so my classmates picked up on it and started calling me ���sickler���.

I also had frequent , sometimes in the middle of school. Some students avoided me as if sickle cell were contagious, while others made fun of me when I was in pain. The teachers would punish them, but it didn���t stop the bullying.

I was very lonely growing up. My first romantic encounter was in SS2, when I met Amina*.

Tell me about Amina

We both liked drawing, and because I was good at it, we started spending more time together.

She was incredibly kind to me. I���ll never forget having a pain crisis in the middle of class and trying to hide it because I didn���t want anyone to notice. Amina realised something was wrong, covered for me and even got me snacks. She never made me feel sick or different.

We never officially dated, but were very close throughout the rest of secondary school. Her father was Muslim while my family was Christian, and she always said religion would eventually become a problem. Looking back, it���s funny that we were already thinking about marriage as teenagers.

My relationship with Amina gave me a very optimistic view of love. I thought I���d found someone who would always see me for who I was, regardless of my condition.

After secondary school, we stayed in touch for a while, but the connection eventually faded. I tried to keep things alive, but she wasn���t giving me the same energy anymore. It took me a long time to accept that it was over. I spent most of my first year at university trying to get over her. Eventually, I moved on.

When did you try dating again?

In my second year of university, I met Treasure* through a mutual friend. We started talking because she reminded me of a family friend, and I fell for her almost immediately.

This time, I was upfront about my sickle cell condition. We started as friends and eventually became a couple. By then, my crises had become less frequent. Still,  Treasure knew about my condition and seemed supportive.

How did the relationship go?

It was a pretty chill relationship. We rarely fought, and she could be very kind. But whenever I got sick, things took a slight turn. 

A few months into the relationship, I had a particularly bad crisis and needed a blood transfusion. After I recovered, Treasure became more withdrawn. She started worrying about what our future would look like.

I understood her reservations, and I couldn���t blame her for having questions. But her reaction made me uncomfortable talking about my health. I started hiding my pain and other symptoms whenever I was around her. 

And how did it affect the relationship?

It created a cycle. She would eventually find out that I���d been sick, then get upset that I had hidden it from her.

Things became even more awkward after we returned from our internship in 2023. She had fallen out with one of our mutual friends, and while trying to resolve their disagreement, I found out that she had told some of her other friends about my condition. I also learnt that she was considering a break up because she didn���t see a future with me, and that her family had advised her to walk away.

I was hurt, but I never confronted her about it. It wasn���t completely surprising because she���d already grown distant. I was the one pushing to see her and trying to keep the relationship going.

Eventually, I suggested that we break up, and she immediately agreed.

I���m sorry. How did you move on from that?

The breakup made me angry at my condition. I started thinking that if I didn���t have sickle cell, none of this would have happened.

So I decided to be much more private about it. 

That was my state of mind when I met Favour*  towards the end of 2024. 

She was also an artist, and I found her on Instagram. I really liked her work, so I slid into her DMs. We started talking and eventually began seeing each other.

I didn���t tell her I had sickle cell because the relationship wasn���t defined. But our feelings for each other grew over time, so we made the relationship official in early 2025.

Were you still determined to keep your condition from her?

I never planned to hide it forever. But there was already some uncertainty about our future because she wanted to leave Nigeria for a master���s in art. I didn���t want to think too far ahead because I knew she might eventually leave.

I was also doing really well health-wise. I went about 10 months without a crisis, which was the longest I���d ever gone. For the first time, I started thinking maybe I could keep my condition private and still have a normal relationship.

That changed in July 2025.

Oh. What happened?

I started having severe chest pain and initially thought it was pneumonia. It turned out to be , a serious complication of sickle cell. I was in my final year and had exams coming up,  but I became so sick that even breathing was difficult. My parents had to come and get me, and I spent five days in the hospital.

Favour sent me several messages while I was there, but I didn���t respond. She thought I was ghosting her. It was the perfect opportunity to tell her everything, but I still couldn���t bring myself to.

I eventually told her I was in the hospital because of chest problems. She was sympathetic and even came to visit me when I returned to school.

About a month later, I had another pain crisis and hid that from her too. At that point, keeping my condition a secret was really eating me up.

I had fallen in love with her and wanted a future together, so it became harder to pretend that such a huge part of my life didn���t exist. I became depressed and withdrawn until I couldn���t keep it in anymore. 

I sent her a voice note apologising and told her everything.

How did she take it?

She was shocked. We���d already been dating for about seven months, so she was upset that I���d kept it from her for so long. She told me she needed time to process everything.

I was terrified I had lost her. But a few days later, she came back and told me it wasn���t a problem. I was so relieved.

Right. But were you convinced?

Unfortunately, I later realised she was still struggling with it. A few weeks later, she came back and told me that after thinking things through, she didn���t want to continue with the relationship.

She said she didn���t want to spend her life worrying about my health or wondering what the future would look like. She also struggled with the fact that I hadn���t told her earlier. She said she might have made a different decision about the relationship if she had known from the beginning.

That hurt because I���d finally convinced myself that I could be honest about my health and still be loved.

I���m sorry

We officially broke up in October 2025, but moving on hasn���t been easy. The mixed signals afterwards made it harder.. We went months without speaking before she reached out around my convocation in January. We had some deep conversations, then she ghosted me again.

One evening, she randomly called to say she missed me and just wanted to hear my voice. After that conversation, she disappeared again.

At some point, I realised I was being pulled back into a toxic cycle. I decided to stop engaging. She sent me another message a few weeks ago, but I ignored it.

Has the experience changed how you think about dating?

Definitely. The breakup was a rude awakening to what it means to navigate adulthood and relationships as someone living with sickle cell.

Now that I���ve finished school and I���m entering another stage of my life, I���m thinking about things I never really had to consider before. When should I tell a potential partner about my condition? How much should I disclose? I���ve also started to understand why people call us warriors. I recently had another episode of severe chest pain and had to go to a new hospital by myself. A nurse accused me of exaggerating my pain just to get medication. I hope that one day I can move to a country that better accommodates people with sickle cell. 

Is there anything you think you could have done differently?

I should have been honest with Favour from the beginning. It wasn���t my responsibility to decide whether she could handle my condition. She deserved the chance to make that decision for herself.

There are people living with sickle cell who have happy lives and families. I still want a relationship, but I���ve also realised that even if marriage or a relationship doesn���t happen for me, I can still have a beautiful life.

Finally, how are the streets treating you these days? Rate it on a scale of 1 to 10

5/10. I���m still recovering from the heartbreak. It���s already hard to open yourself up to someone when you feel different, and when the relationship ends, you have to start all over again.

But I���m trying to stay optimistic. I���m focusing on the good things in my life and enjoying my friendships. I didn���t have many friends growing up, so having people around me now means a lot. We���ll see what comes next.

Read next: 6 Nigerians Share How Their Parents Still Support Them Financially as Adults

Even as adults with jobs, children and responsibilities of their own, their parents still find ways to show up for them financially, whether it���s paying their rent, sending them monthly allowances or helping them through difficult times.

Ibrahim*, 35

I���m married with kids, and so are my two siblings. We all have our own jobs, but our dad still insists on sending us monthly allowances. It���s not because he���s extremely wealthy or anything. He���s just always worried about how we���re coping with how expensive everything is. He constantly says life wasn���t this hard during his own time, so he wants to chip in. I don���t know how much my siblings get, but I���m the lastborn and receive ���150k every month. It���s something I really appreciate. At this point, he doesn���t really owe us anything. But he has refused to let us figure things out ourselves.

Bukola*, 29

My parents have paid my rent twice. They initially opposed my decision to move out, but I eventually made them see reason. At the time, my rent was about ���850k, and I could afford it without issues. Then my landlord increased it to ���1.5m in 2024, and I struggled to raise the whole amount. 

I eventually told my mum, who told my dad. I was initially angry because I knew he���d ask me to come home. Instead, I randomly received a ���1m alert from him for rent. I wasn���t planning to ask them this year, but he sent it again because my rent expires in October. I probably would have figured out my rent regardless, but having parents who are still showing up for me like that isn���t something I take for granted.

Seun*, 40

I lost my job last year, and things became really tough. I tried to keep everything from my mum because I didn���t want her to worry, but she eventually found out. Since then, she sends foodstuff to our house at least once every two months and has put me on a monthly allowance. The funny thing is that she���ll still call sometimes to ask me to do small things, like recharge her phone or buy something. I���ll start panicking that I���m stressing her finances, only for her to send my allowance again at the end of the month. I���m finally starting a business soon, and she���s financing part of it. She���s my role model for the type of father I want to be. I don���t subscribe to the idea that your parents don���t owe you anything once you���re past a certain age. Obviously, this shouldn���t encourage entitlement. But you should have that assurance that if everything else fails, there���s always love and help at home.

Risikat*, 49

I lost my husband in 2023, and since then, my parents have insisted on paying the school fees of my two children. I don���t even have to remind them before they pay. I work and I���m also catered for by my late husband���s estate, but I���m still grateful that at my age, I have parents who are willing to take care of me like that. They actually wanted to send me money for upkeep too, but I refused. That���s why they insisted on paying my children���s school fees instead. I���m always grateful because having parents who still care for me this way means everything.

Dara*, 32

I���m 32 and still living with my parents, and they still take care of me. When I was about to turn 30, I put so much pressure on myself to leave their house. They weren���t complaining; I was the one who felt I shouldn���t still be there. So I moved out and started squatting with a friend, but my life got worse. I suffered in every sense of the word. One day, I went home, and my parents were genuinely worried by how I looked. I broke down and told my mum everything. She made sure I moved back that same week, and they���ve never pressured me.

Deji*, 37

My siblings and I have been blessed with the kindest parents. At our age, we still go to them when we���re in need, and they come through for us. I���m always shocked when people complain about black tax because I can���t relate. In my family, it���s the opposite. If any of us runs into major financial trouble, our parents are the first people we call. They���ve removed the pressure of thinking you can���t ask your parents for help after a certain age. I don���t like asking all the time because I want to maintain that respect, but they don���t care. They still see us as their little children.

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

For Sunken Ships, Ifunanya talks about holding on even though she felt repeatedly excluded, and the last straw that led her to end the friendship.

How did you and Damilola become friends?

We met at university after I changed my course to Chemistry in 200 level. I already knew of Damilola because she was in the same department as one of my friends, but we didn���t really talk.

Damilola was the one who decided we should be friends. I don���t make new friends easily, but she kept finding ways to get close to me. She���d text me about classes and even walk me back to my hostel. At a time when I was new to the department and didn���t know many people, she made me feel like I belonged there.

Damilola was thoughtful and generous, and before long,  we started doing almost everything together. 

Sounds cute. And how did the friendship progress over time?

We grew even closer. A few years ago, I had a bad falling-out with a close mutual friend, Rhoda*. Damilola knew what had happened, but she didn���t want to take sides. 

I was upset because I felt I would have tried to fix things  if two of my close friends fell out. Still, Damilola supported me through that loss. 

That period actually brought us closer. I started seeing her as my best friend, not just someone I was close to.

When did you start noticing a change in the friendship?

It happened gradually after she started dating her now-husband.

They were always on the phone. Sometimes, Damilola and I would make plans to spend time together, but she���d spend most of that time talking to him. I noticed it, but I didn���t want to be the friend who complained about her relationship.

One day, I joked that if she ever had to choose between us, she���d pick me. Her partner didn���t find it funny. I didn���t think much of it then, but looking back, I sometimes wonder if that affected how he saw me. 

After a while, I also started feeling excluded. 

In what ways?

Damilola���s partner is wealthy, and on Valentine���s Day in 2024, he surprised her with a car.  He also invited some of her friends to celebrate with them, but I wasn���t invited. 

I only found out when I saw the videos online.

I was hurt because I considered myself her best friend. I didn���t necessarily expect to be at every event in her life, but I thought I would at least know about something that big. When we eventually talked about it, she said I wasn���t invited because I was out of town. I accepted the explanation, and we moved on.

Right. But did it happen again?

Yes. A few months later, Damilola casually told me her partner was coming to pay her bride price soon. 

Then, one Sunday night, I opened WhatsApp and saw videos of him proposing to her. Our friends were there, including Rhoda, but I wasn���t.

I was shocked. My best friend was getting engaged, and I was finding out at the same time as everyone else.

People who knew how close we were would have expected me to be there. I couldn���t understand how we had gone from doing almost everything together to me watching her engagement on WhatsApp.

Did you ask her why you weren���t invited?

Of course. She said she didn���t know she was going to be proposed to, so she couldn���t control who her partner invited. I understood that part, but what bothered me was that she didn���t seem sorry that I wasn���t there, and that hurt me even more.

I initially decided not to attend her traditional marriage ceremony. Then she came to my hostel and said she didn���t want to go through with the ceremony without me. So I went.

I did her makeup and helped with the ceremony. Rhoda was also there on the aso ebi train, even though they weren���t particularly close. I was emotionally exhausted by the whole situation, but I still showed up because I didn���t want one painful incident to end a friendship that meant so much to me.

Did things get better after that?

Not really.  Our relationship became more strained. After Damilola moved into her marital home, she kept telling me she���d invite me over, but she never did.

Then, in December 2025, her husband planned an outing with her friends for her birthday. One of Damilola���s newer friends, Somto*, lived in the same hostel as me, so I called and offered to pick her up since the venue was far. Somto declined and said she was at a friend���s place and would find her own way there.

When I arrived at the venue, Damilola, her husband, her siblings and Somto all came in the same car. I was confused because Somto had just told me she was somewhere else.

I asked them about it, and they denied that Somto had been at Damilola���s house. Later, I privately asked Damilola���s cousin what had happened.  He confirmed that Somto had been at the house. He even said that when I called, Somto had asked Damilola whether she should answer me or not.

I was embarrassed. My supposed best friend had never invited me to her home, yet someone she had only recently become friends with was there. Worse, they���d all lied to me about it.

What did you do after that?

I started putting more distance between us. But I couldn���t bring myself to end the friendship completely.

 Whenever I tried to pull away, Damilola would do something kind that made me reconsider. Like when I fell ill for instance, she sent me food. Those gestures made me believe our friendship was still worth saving.

So what finally made you give up?

After graduation, we got internships in different states. We congratulated each other, but we barely spoke or texted like we used to.

Then Damilola suddenly messaged me to say her wedding was coming up and that she���d love me to attend. 

She didn���t invite me to be a bridesmaid or to be involved with the wedding. It felt like such a strange and casual way for someone I���d considered my best friend to invite me to her wedding. I took some time to sit with how I felt about it, and eventually decided I wouldn���t attend.

Did you tell her?

I did. And she just said ���OK.��� 

She didn���t ask any questions or try to press further. When the wedding came around in August 2026, I watched everything online. 

Rhoda was there. So were people Damilola barely spoke to in school.

Almost everyone I knew seemed to have been invited. Meanwhile, I was still wondering whether the message she sent me even counted as a proper invitation.

I felt discarded, to be honest.

I���m sorry.

It was one of the worst things I���d ever experienced. Some of our classmates even contacted me because they couldn���t understand why I wasn���t at the wedding. They knew how seriously I took our friendship. It made me question whether I���d misunderstood my place in Damilola���s life all along.

I eventually deleted Damilola���s number and the numbers of her siblings and parents. I didn���t want to see any more wedding content. I also removed her from Instagram. That was the end for me.

How has the friendship breakup affected you?

The pain is still fresh. A part of me wonders if I was the problem, but I know I was a genuine friend, and I always did my best for her. I showed up for Damilola even when I felt excluded.

Sometimes, I wonder if she only valued me because I was useful to her in school when we became friends.

Has this affected the way you view friendships?

Yes. I���m much more sceptical now.

I���ve met amazing people since moving for my internship, but I tell them I don���t completely trust anyone. I���m afraid someone else will change without warning and leave me questioning what I did wrong.

Would you reconcile with Damilola if she ever reached out to you?

No, I think our friendship has run its course. I never imagined that she���d treat me the way she did, and I don���t think I can ever move past it.

Here���s a round-up of what these lovebirds got up to this week.

Hilda & Dapper

Hilda celebrated her birthday surrounded by her friends, with her man by her side. We���d say that���s a pretty cute birthday accessory.

Adekunle & Simi

These lovebirds only had eyes for each other as they danced the night away. Every night is date night when these two are on the dancefloor.

Femi & Simi

Femi and Simi are currently vacationing in Malta and they’re kind enough to let us in on everything we���re missing.

Tobi & Anu

Anu celebrated her birthday with family, and these loved-up photos with her husband might just be our favourite part of the celebration.

Deacon Famous & Mawusi

Deacon Famous and his wife Mawusi dedicated their first son in church, and the whole family looked especially dreamy in blue.

Ibrahim & Linda

Ibrahim and Linda are proof that love is sweeter when you marry your best friend. They kicked off Ibrahim’s birthday celebration with this cheeky video.

Timini & Bimbo

Timini and Bimbo know how to get tongues wagging. Are the onscreen couple hard-launching a ship? Are they teasing a new movie? We’ll have to wait and find out.

Chidi & Treasure

Time flies when you’re in love. Chidi and Treasure celebrated their first wedding anniversary and they looked very much in love.

Chris & Dara

Guess who was on this week���s Love Life episode spilling the beans? You guessed right. Read their Love Life interview here. 

Toolz & Tunde

Our longtime favourite couple steps out together to celebrate love, and it’s a pink-themed affair.

Which couples should be on our next edition of Baewatch?

Read Also: 7 Nigerian Celebrity Couples With the Cutest Post-Wedding Glow-Up

We asked these Nigerians to share the moments they realised their fathers were jealous of them. From fathers who saw their children’s success as a threat to those who turned every achievement into a competition, these are their stories.

“My father thought I was taking his place” ��� Tayo, 27, M

My father had a good-paying job until his employer laid him off. Everything changed after that. My mother was equally unemployed because he insisted on being the provider, so when he lost his job, 油 we started living on scraps.油

Thankfully, I found a well-paying online job and started contributing to the family. I油 bought food, paid bills, helped my mother start the clothing business she’d always wanted, supported my father when I could, and even helped my brother find work.

Then my father called a family meeting and demanded that I quit my job. He said he was still the man of the house and, while he was alive, no one would do his job for him. When I refused, he stopped speaking to me, refused food, and eventually told me to leave our home.油

“My dad couldn’t stand my mum’s affection for me”��� Somto, 24, M

My dad and mum fought a lot when I was growing up. He’d raise his voice, and before you knew it, my mother had already tied her wrapper, ready for anything. Whenever they fought, she made food only for herself and me. Eventually, my dad started making their fights about me. He couldn’t stand that even when my mum was angry with him, she still cared for me. He started calling me “mummy’s boy” whenever he could.油

My mum never told us anything about their fights or said a word against him. But I wasn’t blind. I noticed how jealous he became of the affection she showed me, especially when he wasn’t getting any himself. Even after they reconciled, his disdain for me remained.

“My father hated that I always found a way around his obstacles”��� Bukky, 31, F

I’d heard of mothers being jealous of their daughters, but I’d never heard of a father being jealous of his own child until it happened to me. My father had a hard life, so I thought he’d want me to have an easier one. Instead, he hated that I could adapt and make a way around problems he put in front of me.油

He sent me ���5k a month for school, and always reminded me that he received less in his time. When I got a caf辿 job and started writing, he disliked that too. He refused to buy us a washing machine because he never had one. I simply started using dry cleaners. I always found a way, and he hated that I wasn’t struggling the way he had at my age. One day, he admitted that he hated how I kept overcoming every obstacle he created.

“My father slut-shamed me for keeping our family afloat”��� Zee, 27, F油

My father is a strict police officer. One day, after an argument with my mum, he travelled without leaving money or foodstuff for the family.油

I had a good job, but I’d never told my parents my salary. I told my father I earned ���30k even though I earned over ���250k. When he left, my mother panicked about how she’d take care of my siblings, so I stepped in. Two months later, my father returned and was shocked by how well we were doing. I’ve even fixed a few things around the house. When he discovered I was responsible, his expression changed. He began calling me a prostitute and questioning where I got money. It felt like jealousy because his family no longer depended on him.

“My dad turned my wins into a competition”��� Chidi, 23, M

I love my father, but he has a habit of jealousy. Once, he took me to a bar, and the woman serving us was smitten with me. She kept calling me a “”ine boy”” and even gave me extra nkwobi for free. When she refused to give my father any, he went quiet for almost the entire night; it was clear he was angry.油

Another time, he was arguing with two friends, and I pointed out that they were wrong and backed it up with facts. His friends praised me, but afterwards, my dad said that I was trying to prove I was smarter than him. Eventually, it became a pattern. Whenever I did something well, he found a way to turn it into a competition.

“He couldn’t understand why I could show up for everyone else, but not for him”��� Njideka, 37, F油

My father left when I was young and started another family. Years later, he came back expecting me to welcome him with open arms and take care of him because I was his daughter. The thing is, I’d spent years learning how to care for everyone without him. I helped my mother, supported my siblings, showed up for friends and even went out of my way for people who he knew.油

But when he asked me for the same care, I refused. He became bitter whenever he saw me helping someone else. He’d rant about how I thought I was bigger than him, and remind me that he was once where I was before. He’d say things like, “Our money will finish.” I think what hurt him most was knowing I was capable of being generous, just not to him.

Read Also: 7 Nigerians Reveal Why They Never Want to Be the Main Partner油

Bisola* (29) and Omolola*(28) had been her best friends since university. So when Bisola lost her job in 2024, she trusted Omolola to help her find another one. But when she found out that Omolola had been keeping job opportunities from her, she decided to give her a taste of her own medicine.

At the end of this story, you���ll get to decide: did she fuck up or not?

This is Bisola���s dilemma as told to Betty:

Omolola and I met at the university in 2016 and became close almost immediately.

She was a year behind me, but we did almost everything together for the rest of our time there. We cooked, studied, and spent the holidays together with my family. By the time we graduated, she had become more than a friend to me.油

Even after I moved to Lagos, we stayed close. She lived in Ibadan and visited me often.

Then in 2024, I lost my job unexpectedly. 

I was worried about how I���d pay my rent later that year. As soon as she heard, Omolola came to Lagos and stayed with me for a few days. She encouraged me and promised to send me any openings she found.
At first, she made good on her promise. Several times a week, I���d wake up to job application links from her. She was also looking for a new job, so she asked me to send her anything I found. This gave me extra motivation because it felt like we were in it together.

But after about three weeks, I noticed I was sending her far more opportunities than she was sending me. I figured work was keeping her busy, so I didn���t think too much of it.油

Then Ann*, one of my friends, called me about an opening she thought I would be interested in. She said she���d already messaged Omolola about the role and asked her to tell me to apply, but Omolola had told her I wasn���t interested. I never said that.

To make matters worse, Ann casually mentioned that Omolola had received two job offers. I was shocked. We spoke almost every day, and she hadn���t mentioned either of them. One of the offers had even come from an application I���d sent her.

Only two nights earlier, she���d listened to me complain about another rejection email and encouraged me not to give up. I called her immediately.

When I asked why she���d told Ann I wasn���t interested in the role, she became defensive. She claimed she���d assumed I wouldn���t want it because the salary was lower than what I���d earned at my previous job. I reminded her that I was unemployed and worried about rent, so it wasn���t her place to decide which opportunities were good enough for me.

When I asked about her two new jobs, she went quiet. She admitted she hadn���t told me because she felt awkward. She knew I was struggling and didn���t want it to look like she was celebrating while I was still unemployed.

I didn���t buy it. I���d been sending her opportunities without worrying that she might get them before me. I couldn���t understand why she couldn���t extend the same generosity to me.

She apologised and insisted she hadn���t deliberately tried to block me from getting a job. She also promised she���d keep sending me openings. I accepted her apology, but the entire experience changed the way I saw her. A few weeks later, I finally got a new job. I was relieved, but I didn���t tell Omolola. I only shared the news with my family and Ann, who had continued to check on me and send me openings. Omolola only found out when I posted about my first day on my WhatsApp status.

She called to congratulate me, but I could tell she was hurt. She asked why she had to find out from my status like everyone else when we were best friends. I told her I���d simply followed her example. She apologised again and said she understood why I was angry, but she thought we���d moved past the issue. I thought we had too.

Then Omolola lost both of the jobs she���d gotten. They were remote, and she���d convinced herself she could handle both at the same time. At first, it worked. Eventually, she started missing deadlines and couldn���t keep up with both workloads. Within a few months, she was unemployed again.油

I felt bad for her. Whatever happened between us, I still cared about her. I called regularly, listened and reassured her that she���d find something else.油

Around the same time, Ann also started looking for a new job. I knew my company had an opening that suited her, so I sent it to her. She applied, got the job and was excited.

Then she posted a WhatsApp status thanking me for helping her land a new job, and Omolola saw it. She sent me a private message almost immediately. She wanted to know why I���d helped油 Ann, even though I knew she was job hunting.

I油 explained that Ann was the better fit for the position, but she didn���t believe me. She said I was punishing her because our positions had reversed. She reminded me of how she���d helped me when I first lost my job. I tried to explain the situation, but she wasn���t having it, so I backed off.

Now, we barely speak. 

Some of our friends think I should have prioritised her to prove there was no bad blood. Others think she only understands how much she hurt me because she has now experienced something similar herself.

I still care about her, and I don���t want our friendship to end over job applications. But I also don���t want to keep showing up for someone who has already shown that she might not do the same for me.

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