When it comes to my monthly periods I got dealt a pretty great card. I dont have a particularly heavy flow, I never get cramps, no mood swings, no hormonal breakouts. I pretty much just bleed for 4-5 days and call it a week.
When I turned about 18, my monthly periods took a weird turn. I started getting pregnancy-like food cravings. For a couple of days before the period came, and the 4 to 5 days of the period itself, Id crave food I hadnt eaten in months and eat like a whale. It took me a year or two after this turn, to connect the cravings to my monthly period. It didnt help that I already consume a whole ass lot of food on a regular day. But my periods were different. Subconsciously, Id prepare for it like a person about to go in a bunker to survive an apocalypse.
I had to make sure I had emergency chocolate bars on hand for when I woke up at 2 am craving them, if not Id wake up the next morning ready to rack with the first person I set my eyes on.
In recent years, Ive been paying a whole lot more attention to my body as a whole. In that spirit, I decided to document just how much food I consume during my period.
Day 1
3:30 a.m. Period starts unexpectedly after being two weeks late because it has absolutely no regard for me as a human being. In retrospect, should have seen it coming after eating a whole box of pizza the night before. Luckily I get up in time to prevent my sheets from getting stained. I clean up, put a pad on and a ratty pair of boxers whose origins are unknown, as an extra layer of protection. The first days flow is usually very heavy. I suddenly feel incredibly thirsty and chug down most of a 1.5-litre bottle of water.
8:30 a.m. On my way to work, I stop at a bakery to buy snacks for breakfast like I do every morning. I usually get a single meat pie that Id eat with a cup of tea, with way more milk than my lactose intolerant ass should be consuming. But they are office supplies and I cant help but take advantage.
At the bakery this morning though, they have these sandwiches I love and they hardly ever stock up on them so I just have to buy them. I buy two because eating one half of a sandwich feels very unnatural to me. I also buy my usual meat pie, because, force of habit. I tell myself Id eat it as a midday snack or even after work. I also buy a scotch egg for my friend Boyin, because I know she likes them.
油
10:00 a.m. Settled at work with my cup of tea and I dive into my loot devouring the sandwiches first. Im done with the sandwiches but I still have quite a bit of tea left and Id hate to waste it. Boyin isnt in yet so I eat her scotch egg, Ill get her one tomorrow instead. I drink two bottles of water instead of my usual one after breakfast. For some reason, I also get incredibly thirsty on my period.
油
12:30 p.m. I go to SPAR to grab lunch with Boyin and Tope. Im trying to eat more healthily so I grab a pack of diced pineapples. Since I had a bigger-than-usual breakfast and pick up some fruit, I decide to get a small pack of spaghetti. I also buy a couple of scones and a pack of yoghurt cups to serve as breakfast for the rest of the week. I had done the math and it was cheaper than stopping at the bakery every morning.
油
1:00 p.m. Back in the office. I have my pineapples at my desk and another bottle of water.
油
2:00 p.m. Boyin is about to head to the kitchen for lunch and asks if Im coming. I tell her Im goodI just had some fruit.
油
2:30 p.m. I start to feel a little peckish so I eat my meat pie. I dont expect to eat anything else till dinner. I drink my fourth bottle of water, thats probably how many times Ive been to the bathroom to pee and change too.
油
6:30 p.m. Back home. I decide to eat the pack of spaghetti as an early dinner. I read somewhere you shouldnt eat anything past 7 so I guess Im being healthy.
油
10:30 p.m. Up catching up on some work and starving. So I grab a scone and yoghurt cup.
Day 2
8:30 a.m. Pack a scone and yoghurt cup for breakfast. I completely forget I have it packed until Im literally in front of the bakery I usually stop at. I might as well go in and buy lunch (pack of spaghetti) and my meat pie because it always comes in handy.
油
10:15 a.m. I eat my scone and yoghurt cup. The scone is smaller than it usually is, I make a mental note to complain the next time Im at SPAR.
油
11:00 a.m. Sudeen shows up with restocked office food supplies, part of which is a pack of crackers. I have more than I can count. Couldnt have been that many, but the pack is empty in an hour somehow. I think Boyin and Ayoola had some.
油
1:10 p.m. Lunchtime. Fuad says hes going to Iya Suleiman and they have pretty great Amala. I suddenly really want Amala. Like an I might not be able to get through the day kind of want. Dont think Ive even had Amala since the first VRSUS story. I ask him to buy me some. I pop my lunch in the fridge, Ill have it as dinner.
油
3:30 p.m. 油Eating lunch later than usual because I had a meeting. Im double eyed starving. The 300 Amala doesnt make a dent in my stomach. Meat pie comes to my rescue as usual.
油
5:30 p.m. I see a pack of grapes while sitting in traffic and buy it. I havent had them in a while plus I havent had fruits today, I finish the grapes before I get home.
油
9:20 p.m. I heat up my spaghetti for dinner.
Day 3
1:00 a.m. I wake up to drink water. I try to go back to bed but hunger pangs wont let me be great. I heat up a couple of slices of leftover pizza from my freezer. Theres always leftover pizza in my freezer dont ask me why.
油
8:45 a.m. I pack my scone and yoghurt and remember not to stop at my bakery. Im running late for work anyway.
油
10:35 a.m. I eat my scones and yoghurt.
油
11:00 a.m. I hear Biodun talking about ordering food from Chicken Republic. I ask him to throw in a Chick Wizz for me. Ill have it for dinner.
油
12:15 p.m. The Chicken Republic finally comes. I remember I like Chick Wizz best when its still fresh so I eat half and keep the other half in the fridge.
油
1:30 p.m. I go for lunch and buy beans and plantain. I dont even like beans but there was something about the way it looked today.
油
3:00 p.m. I have lunch and feel a little bloated. I might have overdone it when I was ordering the beans, it just looked so good.
油
7:00 p.m. Another early dinner for me I eat my Chick Wizz with Fanta I nicked from the office fridge.
Day 4
2:15 a.m. I dont know why Im awake or why I always find myself awake at hours where my body feels the need to eat unreasonably. I find a pack of rice in my freezer that I dont remember buying so it must be some weeks old. I heat it up and eat, ignoring the stale smell.
油
9:30 a.m. I still have one scone and two yoghurt cups. I eat both yoghurt cups because theres no scone left for the extra yoghurt cup. And yes that makes logical sense to me.
10:45 a.m. Fuad says he has Jollof rice from this place he has been raving about so I follow him to the kitchen with a spoon just to taste. Five spoons in and I decide its not as bomb as my Jollof plug. I have a couple more just to be sure.
油
12:00 p.m. I go to get lunch. I have beans and plantain again for reasons I cant comprehend. They finally have avocadoes at SPAR so I buy one.
油
1:00 p.m. I have my avocado.
油
2:30 p.m. I have my beans and plantain.
油
4:00 p.m. I get an email from Dominos, theres a buy one get one free promo going on and I like awoof just as much as I like to have pizza in my freezer. So I order two boxes of the only Dominos flavour I can stomach Extravaganza. 油
油
5:30 p.m. My pizza comes just as Im leaving work. Its piping hot, so I cant resist having one slice. One slice turns into three.
油
7:00 p.m. I have the rest of the box of pizza I had already opened for dinner.
11:30 p.m. I dive into the second box of pizza because why not. I have half of it. I wear just a panty liner to go to bed, my period is just about done.
Im curious to see what next month will bring on.
Meanwhile, am I the only one who gets period food cravings?
