Anyone whos seen Ozark will tell you that its a very creepy show with characters who just choose violence all the time. When theyre not blowing someones head off, theyre out adopting the children of the people theyve killed. Since we like weird shit, we decided to re-imagine what the show would look like if it had a Nigerian cast. This list is chaotic, but trust us, we know what were doing. (Do we, though?)
Martin Marty Byrde Ramsey Noah
Hes the kind of guy that goes for midweek service, drops his children off at school every morning with a kiss and still has time to launder drug money for a cartel. If theres anyone who can pull off that nice guy with an evil deadly secret charm, its Ramsey Noah. One minute its let’s kneel and pray, but before you know it, youre in a dungeon begging for your life.
Wendy Byrde Nse Ikpe Etim
For this role, we need someone with range and no one does range like Nse. Starting out as the unhappy and oblivious wife, Wendy transformed into a ruthless boss bitch that scares everyone till date, including her beloved husband. Balancing motherhood with money laundering is a lot of work, but were sure Nse can handle it. After all, she did leave a mark on us in King of Boys before she was banished to Ajah.
Ruth Langmore Jemima Osunde
Dont be deceived by her Im just a small girl look, this character can do and undo. Weve seen her kill her uncle, run a strip club and also kick a man in his balls before throwing him off a ship. She is dangerous AF. Even though weve not seen Jemima take on a role like this, we feel this would be the perfect time to show us what shes capable of. Abi, what do you think?
Wyatt Langmore Olumide Oworu
Hes very smart, but down the line, our guy starts having coital relations with a grandma. While we respect his choices, shes a serial killer as well so its a bit tricky. Why do we think Olumide is the best guy for this role? Well, theyre like the same height and as casting agents, height is very important to us. T for thanks.
Darlene Snell Patience Ozokwor
This is the grandma Wyatt is piping. She blows someones head off, kills a pastors wife and poisons her husbands coffee; need we say more? The only difference is that Mama G wouldve probably done all of this using juju from the babalawo down the street. We Stan a queen that chooses traditional violence over colonizer violence. Yassssss.
Helen Pierce Iretiola Doyle
Shes a girl boss whos ruthless, well-dressed and well-spoken. This is probably the easiest casting for us because if theres one person who can bitch-slap you while teaching you how to conjugate a verb, its Iretiola Doyle. Remember when she on the internet? Cold, but it just made us Stan harder.
Maya Miller Ann Njemanze
Shes been playing a detective on Tinsel since Nigerias independence, might as well just continue that role on our imaginary show.
Ben Davis OC Ukeje
He came in last season as the cool uncle and we fell in love with his character. If theres someone who can embody Ben perfectly and make us root for his character, its OC Ukeje. This decision was hard because were still in tears over never mind.
Frank Cosgrove Jr. Etim Effiong
Every character hes played so far has been annoying as hell so it just makes sense.
Omar Navarro Bimbo Manuel
We needed someone who can pass for a nice grandpa and still run a global drug ring syndicate, so we turned to Bimbo Manuel. Omar is scary, but in a non-violent way. Does he want to kill me or does he want to give me money? With Omar, its hard to tell.
