Temi (35) and Wumi (32) met on an Africa Magic film set in 2022. 

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about a week of living together before they were officially dating, a proposal disguised as a baby shower, and building their own production company alongside their marriage. 

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Wumi: We met on the set of an African Magic series in October 2022. I’d been shooting for a couple of months, then the story got to a point where they were going to bring in some new characters; very wicked ones, too. Everyone on set was curious about who would play them. Then someone mentioned that one Temi Fosudo was playing one of the characters a day before he arrived. But his name didn’t register because I���d never heard of him. He joined us on set the next day, and I could finally put a face to his name.

Temi: I actually always assumed we had the same first memory of each other. I didn���t know she had this preamble. Anyway, my first memory of Wumi was the day I joined the Itura production.

I walked into the actors’ holding room greeting everyone, and I saw her. Normally, I don’t remember faces when I walk into a crowded room, because it overstimulates me and I just look for a corner to sit in. But her face registered properly for reasons I didn���t understand. We said hello, and that was all.

What was it about her that registered with you, Temi?

Temi: It wasn’t anything physical. I think she was in costume, and her natural hair was out, but it was really her aura. She had a very welcoming spirit.

Wumi: I remember I was actually done for the day and wanted to go back to the lodge. But I looked up when he came in and spent an extra second looking at him. My first thought was that he was a fine boy. He had a shy smile. Then someone shouted “baby” at him, and I thought, who���s already calling him baby? It turned out they just knew each other from the set. The way he answered was also very calm. He came off as a well-mannered guy.

So what happened after that first day?

Temi: I was keeping to myself most of the time. During that period, I lived in Ibadan, so it was usually a long, exhausting drive to Lagos. Whenever I got to set, I just wanted my own space and all. Then, one day, she conned me into playing Ludo with her.

Wumi: I was looking for someone new to beat, since I was beating everybody on set. Everyone else had gone to shoot, so it was just him and a few others in the holding room. I asked if he played Ludo, and he said yes, and I beat him three-nil. He has refused to play with me again since then.

Screaming.

Temi: She didn’t cheat, I’ll admit. But during the game, we also spent a lot of time talking, bantering, and just getting to know each other on a surface level. I remember we also took a stroll and talked about the book I was writing. Then, another night, I drove us to the supermarket. I bought her something without thinking, and it turned out she bought me something too. It was a cute and friendly moment. I remember walking back to her saying, ���Hey, I bought this for you,��� and she also went, ���I bought this for you, too.���

Wumi: During this period, I also found out Temi wasn���t exactly a big talker. I found that interesting because it meant I could do most of the talking and he could listen. I remember telling him I was on a man cleanse, which might have been too much information, considering we���d only just met. But that was also how easy it was to be around each other. The whole time, I didn’t know he was registering it all. I also found out he was a writer and was working on a book at the time, so that was fun for me. We had so much to talk about.

The funny thing is, while checking him out online, I found out his dad is the legendary actor Sola Fosudo, and that one of my best friends, Wendy, knew him. Her brother went to university with him. We had so many mutual friends that I wondered where he’d been all this time.

Sounds cute. What was going on in your love lives at the time, though?

Temi: I was in a relationship. I was driving to see my girlfriend in Ibadan almost every weekend and coming back on Sunday or Monday. The relationship was already having problems, though I didn’t tell Wumi at first. The babe and I eventually realised we weren’t compatible.

Wumi: I was single. The fact that Temi had a girlfriend actually made me more comfortable with him, because I didn’t have to worry that he’d like me or that something weird would happen. I did feel a twinge of disappointment, because he’s a fine boy and I would have loved to flirt a little. But I’m monogamous, and if you have someone and you move to me, you’ve lost me. So I thought, okay, moving on.

Temi: I eventually broke up with the lady. The relationship had just run its course. At the time, Wumi and I were just friends. She was in Lagos, and I was in Ibadan, and we didn’t even have each other’s numbers, only Instagram, where we chatted here and there. 

However, when the relationship ended, I told her I was single now. I wasn’t making a move, I told her as a friend, because she knew I used to travel to see my girlfriend. But part of me knew that if I didn’t say it, we’d never find out if there was something worth pursuing.

I see. And how did you take that news, Wumi?

Wumi: This is so funny because I remember the day he told me. I stood up and started dancing where I was, and I don’t know why. I called one of my friends and told her he was single. She asked why I was happy, and I said, because now I can flirt without feeling guilty. That’s when I realised I’d been suppressing something. Before then, he wasn’t even in my subconscious.

Curious. How did the friendship play out now that you were both single?

Wumi: Honestly, we only just grew deeper as friends. We found out our birthdays are two days apart, and we finally exchanged numbers. He wasn’t a fan of long calls until me, and we’d talk into the middle of the night. We talked about everything: family, religion, feminism, and football. I’m a feminist, and I don’t usually call men feminists, but I would call him one. We debated a lot, but the conversations were healthy. He was more serious than I’m used to, and also goofier than I expected. He found out I watch football too. He’s a Liverpool fan, and I support Man City, who are having a bad time right now.

Temi: I liked that we shared similar values, and that we could argue and still be fine afterwards. In fact, I liked what was happening between us, and I think that was when I first started to picture us as an item. But somewhere in all that certainty that I liked her, I also knew that it���s easier to fall for someone when you haven���t really been in the same physical space with them at length. That���s how you know if they���re an actual version of everything they���ve projected. By that time, we���d gone out a few times and hung out. But about two months in, I proposed something weird.

I said we should spend one week together in the same space. 

Wumi: Most people go on a date or two, but he wanted us to be together for days. If we still felt the same connection and attraction after that, we’d see where it went. I kept asking what he wanted, and he’d say, “You’ll soon know.��� I told him that sounded like a threat. I���d also joked earlier on that I was still enjoying the streets, and he told me my time on the streets was up. Meanwhile, in my head, I was only just getting started.

Right. But how did you really feel about his proposal?

Wumi: I hadn’t felt that kind of tension since my first day of secondary school. I was about two years out of a long relationship and taking my time, so this wasn’t in my plans. But I was open to it. 

On the agreed-upon week, he drove to Lagos and brought yams and meat, because I’d told him I don’t like the market and I don’t like cooking. We went to the supermarket, and I bought everything I wanted, chocolate included, and I was ready to pay my share. Then this man brought out his card and paid for everything. I remember joking that he must have plenty of money, and he said it wasn’t plenty, but he could afford what we needed. I liked that answer.

What was the week like?

Wumi: It was easy. We watched movies, went out, and talked. It felt like we were already married, which was weird and scary. I’d decided not to hide anything, so if he did something I didn’t like, I told him straight away. I don’t like it when people move my things, and he moved a hair cream. I told him not to do that again. It was a very nice week.

Temi: I think it also helped that we���d met up a couple of times before this long stretch spent together. So it wasn���t like something that happened completely out of the blue. 

Did staying with a man for a whole week worry you, Wumi?

Wumi: A little. I’m cautious and very security-conscious. But our mutual friends lived about fifteen minutes from my house, and Wendy’s brother had known him since university. Everyone said he was cool. I had also lived with a partner before, so staying with someone wasn’t new. What made me anxious was opening myself up mentally, because I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold certain things back.

Would you say you achieved the outcome you wanted from that visit?

Temi: I did. It was a deciding move for me. I already believed she was someone I could spend my life with, but I needed to be completely sure. People can be different when you share a space with them. I wanted to simulate marriage. If it didn’t work, we’d still be friends. My own house in Ibadan was always full of younger boys and friends, so there was no privacy there. That was why we decided on her place in Lagos.

Wumi: I’m hearing this for the first time. I thought he was trying to show me that a relationship isn’t the worst thing for me at this point in my life. I had no idea he was thinking about marriage. I’m glad I was open to it.

Temi: Anyway, I left her place knowing I was going to ask her to be my girlfriend and that I wanted to marry her. Saying the marriage part out loud so early sounded a bit psychopathic, so I kept it to myself.

When did you ask her out?

Temi: A few weeks later, at a film festival run by my best friend. This was sometime around April, 2023. We were watching a movie, and a character recited a love poem in Yoruba. I don’t speak Yoruba, but I repeated the poem beside her and asked her to be my girlfriend.

Wumi: I said yes, but I told him that wasn’t how I wanted to be asked. I told him to use his words and tell me why he wanted me to be his girlfriend, and that he couldn’t sleep without me. He planned a proper dinner and asked again, as a surprise, about a month later. The funny thing is, that was something I just said in the moment to tease him. We were already dating, so I didn’t expect him to ask a second time. But he did.

The first time was April 27th, and the second was in late May. I still think the film festival is the foundation of everything we’re building now, because I wasn’t that invested in the industry before.

What were the early days of the relationship like?

Temi: Dreamy. It felt like an unending honeymoon phase, and I think right now it feels like we���re back to the early days of our relationship in a way. There was no moment where I thought I’d made a mistake. We debated a lot, and it pushed us to learn more. 

Wumi: Everything he said. I got a lot more grounded in my knowledge of the industry. Before, I just wanted to act and keep it moving. But Temi pushed me to be more involved in the festivals and all the other moving parts of our craft. And it was vice versa.

I was a fashion and beauty editor at the time, and he learned a lot about fashion and beauty from me. He was also planning to move to Lagos anyway, since he was almost always shooting here and barely spent time in his place in Ibadan. Everything just worked well in those early days. But we also had small hiccups here and there.

And how did you handle these ���hiccups���?

Wumi: So in my past relationships, if we fought, I was always ready to up and leave. With Temi, it was different. I’d tell him how I felt because I wanted us to work through it, not because I wanted to fight more. I used to be stubborn about wanting an answer immediately. Eventually, he explained that he always needed time to sort through his feelings before he could handle whatever we were going through in any given moment. It took some getting used to, but we found a balance. He���s since learnt to think a little faster, and I wait a little longer.

Temi: I think it���s because I���m somewhat conflict-avoidant. I like to debate issues with myself first before addressing them head-on. For me, it���s never about trying to win the argument; I’m only trying to get to the truth. However, it turns out that when I only argue with myself, I’m using only the facts I have, and when I finally tell her, she adds a detail I didn’t know, so all that time was wasted. 

I’ve learned to speak sooner and explain why I do things. 

Wumi: Over time, we���ve also learnt to accept that one person isn���t trying to hurt the other when they communicate their issues. When I got suspicious about something he���d done, he’d ask why I thought he’d do something on purpose. That helped me separate the issue from him and remember that he’s a kind and honest person first.

Nice. When exactly did marriage come up?

Wumi: At some point, Temi asked what I thought about marriage. I hadn���t really given it much thought after my last relationship. Yet, when he brought it up, I said I���d do it as long as it���s with him. 

Then one night at home, with his friend around, we measured each other’s ring fingers. I think he engineered that conversation so well that I didn’t realise it was pre-planned. On September 30th, 2023, five months into dating, he asked me to marry him.

Temi: I was sure. By that point, I’d become very strict about who I dated, and I was ending talking stages in three days. When I met Wumi, I knew I���d gotten to my final bus stop. I didn’t see the point of dating for a year to prove something I already believed. Before you propose, you should already be talking about marriage, and we were.

Wumi: It was a really cute proposal, too. 

Awwwn. Tell me about it.

Wumi: He plotted with my friends and they successfully pulled a surprise on me. I genuinely thought I was attending a friend���s baby shower. I even paid my part of the contribution for the said friend. That morning, I woke up with an allergy and nobody could convince me to wear heavy makeup or wear a purple dress, because that���s my favourite colour. I got to the venue, saw ���Will you marry me?��� and it still didn���t dawn on me.

It took five different possibilities before I realised it was mine and saw someone recording me. I sat down and laughed for a long time before I could walk over. Then Temi forgot his lines. Our song was playing, and all I remember is him saying there was nobody else he’d rather spend his life with.

Temi: The hardest part was finding the ring. She wanted a purple stone, and I couldn’t find one anywhere, so I had to have one made. I hid my phone the whole time because she notices everything. I told her I was writing a script for someone, and her friend helped by telling her she was trying to reach me for work. I���m glad we pulled it off.

We had our introduction in December 2023 and got married in June 2024.

How would you describe the marriage so far?

Temi: Amazing. We’re still building on the same foundation of friendship, openness, honesty, and love. There was a period when our arguments got too heated, but it didn’t last. We share everything, finances, dreams, plans, and she���s also learning to share her food.

Wumi: I can’t remember half of what used to cause those heated arguments. But a big part was probably keeping our individuality in marriage. I like to push him, and I struggled with knowing when to stop. I was also frustrated with work, and he had a lot going on, too, so small comments kept building up. 

At one point, I told him that at the end of the day, he was just a man, and that comment really got to him more than I intended. I’d been projecting things from past experiences. I eventually had to remind myself that this is Temi, not every man out there.

Temi: It also helps that one of us is always willing to step back, and most of the time it’s me. We can���t keep going at it band for band when emotions are high. Sometimes I stop responding in that moment, and she knows to stop pushing as well. 

We���ve also just realised that we���re in this together. Whatever we���re both going through, we always come back to the same table where we���re both seated. I���m the person for her, and she���s the person for me.

Neat. How would you say this relationship has changed you?

Temi: My style is more expressive now. But I’ve also gained a creative partner. For years, everyone I shared ideas with was a man, my dad or my friends. Now I have a woman who starts giving me ideas before I’ve finished a script, and she sees things from an angle I can’t. She’s also brought structure into my creative life, and I���m forever grateful for that.

Wumi: Being with Temi has changed me in many beautiful ways. I found my person, but I���ve also found my calling. I’m building a production company with my husband, whom I always call my genius. People see and say I’m glowing, and that���s the truth. I can have bad days and the moment I see him, and he hugs me, everything is well with the world again.

We also have regular check-ins where we ask each other if we’re happy and if we feel loved. All in all, our relationship has made me a lot more secure in my career, and I feel reassured that I���m not going through life alone. 

Speaking of career, how has it been working together in the same industry?

Wumi: Awesome. As I said, Temi���s a genius. I love that I play my part in sharing creative ideas with him and helping him bring his ideas to life in the best way possible.

We made a short film called Tell It No More, which is on YouTube, and we recently shot another one that’s in post-production. Then there’s our play, . When we met, Temi kept telling me about a story he’s carried for years. When I heard it, I thought it would touch hearts and shake some tables. The first run in Lagos was widely received. We did it again, and now we’re staging it a third time in October with Alliance Francaise, all within a year.

Temi: I���ll add that it hasn���t always been completely seamless. We argue and have our little back-and-forths. But neither of us holds back, and we always find a way to make it work. 

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Temi: A 10. I’m happy, my life is more interesting, and it’s easier to dream when someone is dreaming beside you.

Wumi: A 10 as well. It’s so much fun being in love with Temi, and it feels like a breath of fresh air. I didn’t think it could be this good, and I don’t talk about how good this feels because I feel like I’d jinx it. But this is my guy. 

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this��.

Chris (36) and Dara (34) met through Couch Surfing in 2021. 

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about a squeezed taxi ride in Togo that changed everything, a “what are we” conversation that took months to turn into an actual relationship, and building both a marriage and a tour company across two continents.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this��.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Chris: 2021. I’d gotten a Nigerian visa right before the pandemic, valid for two years, and I never got to use it. With a few months left before it expired, I booked a short weekend trip to Lagos over July 4th. At the time, I was really into Couch Surfing, which is a website where you can meet locals and stay with them during your travels. That���s how I found Dara’s profile. 

She’d travelled around West Africa and seemed passionate about exploring Nigeria too. I thought she was an interesting person. So I messaged her, introduced myself properly, and told her about my travels. Thankfully, she responded quickly enough and offered to host me at her home in Nigeria. She said she’d show me around Lagos, and we could even take a trip to Abeokuta. I was sold immediately.

Dara: That���s also my earliest memory of Chris. I’d been on the Couch Surfing website as a guest for about a year before I got my own apartment and started hosting. But Chris wasn’t my first guest. A few months earlier, I���d hosted another guy from Singapore. 

Chris reached out in June, and I was really tickled when he mentioned that he’d been to over 130 countries. He also introduced himself properly instead of just asking to crash at mine. He shared in detail the last country he visited, why he���s interested in seeing Africa and why he wants to visit Nigeria. I was sold.

Coincidentally, I’d also just started a personal project to visit 30 Nigerian states before turning 30, so when someone said “come show me Nigeria,” I was thrilled to play tour guide.

Take me through his first visit. How did that go?

Dara: He arrived on July 4th. It was a Saturday morning. I picked him up from the airport, we dropped his bags at my place, and went straight to Abeokuta the same day. We didn���t waste time at all. We made it down to Olumo Rock in Abeokuta, visited the Olusegun Obasanjo Presidential Library, and I got him to try amala and okra. 

I remember he was somewhat hesitant with the okra, so we swapped bowls, and he ended up loving my plate of amala. The next day, we were back in Lagos. He still wanted to see so many places, so we did the Nike art gallery and the beach. That was where he filmed his first viral video, joking that people had warned him not to come to Lagos because he’d die. It got about 5000 views in a day, which felt massive at the time. By Monday, I went to work and left him the keys to explore Lagos Island alone before his evening flight.

Curious, Chris. What were your thoughts on staying with a complete stranger?

Chris: I’d done Couchsurfing with plenty of people before, so I wasn’t overly anxious. I was just excited for the places we’d see, and Dara seemed like a genuinely nice person. There wasn���t much to worry about.

Dara: On my end, I always take safety precautions with male guests. I’d sleep in the living room on a spare duvet and lock the door separating it from my bedroom, just for my own peace of mind. Nothing strange happened at all.

That first trip really stood out for a number of reasons. First, I was intrigued by the way he ate. Most foreigners are visibly cautious with their first bite of unfamiliar food, but Chris just dug in like he’d been eating Nigerian food his whole life. Second, and this one really got me, I accidentally put way too much pepper in some noodles I���d made for him before heading to work that Monday. I panicked the entire morning thinking I’d basically poisoned a white man. I didn���t know how to ask when I called to check on him, so I spent some time dancing around the question. When I finally asked if the noodles was too spicy, this man just said,  ���It was fine.��� I’d always told my siblings I could never marry a man who couldn’t handle pepper, so that moment stuck with me. 

Were either of you dating at the time?

Chris: I was single, doing a little casual dating, but nothing serious. I guess I was also looking, but I didn���t have a clear picture of what I was looking for. I remember going back to the US and briefly thinking about Dara. In my head, I thought, ���That girl was really nice. Now, I have to find someone like her in the U.S.��� I knew I didn���t want a long-distance relationship, so I wasn���t really seeing the vision with Dara at the time.

Dara: I was actually single too. I’d just stepped back from something that was starting to feel one-sided, so I was putting my energy into my travel goals instead. 

Got it. What happened after Chris returned to the US?

Chris: It���s actually so funny because we both have different memories of how things played out back then. In my head, we stayed in touch for just a bit and that was it. But years later, while filing visa paperwork, we actually went back through some of our old messages and realised we’d been talking a lot more than either of us remembered.

She���d mentioned taking a trip to Benin, Togo and Ghana and I thought that was really cool. Those were countries I also wanted to visit. So we kept in touch until the next time we planned another trip together. 

Oh. When was that? 

Chris: I came back in September, two months after the Lagos trip. This time around, we did a trip to Benin and Togo together and spent about a week together.

Dara: Before that trip, we actually had a very direct conversation about room arrangements, which isn’t always easy for women to bring up without it sounding like an accusation. Chris offered separate rooms if I wasn’t comfortable sharing, which put me at ease. 

That trip had its share of chaos, too. He got turned back at the Togo border, and we had to sort out special permits in Benin, so we spent a lot of time just waiting around and talking about our families, upbringing, everything. 

Chris: That trip is really where we moved from acquaintances to actual friends. We talked so openly that I remember thinking, ���This is someone I could see myself with,��� but I kept reminding myself that we couldn���t be a thing because of the distance.

Dara:  I remember this really funny moment during our taxi ride. His arm ended up around me, completely unplanned, and I could tell he was trying so hard not to invade my personal space. It felt like something straight out of a K-pop drama. 

When we got to the airport, the hug we shared felt a lot more different from the first time he visited. It felt warmer, like I already knew I’d miss him.

Awwwn 

Chris: After that visit, I think we agreed I���d come back in November for a friend’s wedding as her plus one. I remember asking her if I could come along because I���d heard so much about Nigerian weddings. It was also easier to plan the visits because I worked for an airline and there were daily flights to Lagos. So I could just jump on any flight at any time. Unfortunately, my mum passed away that October, so those plans fell apart.

That loss pulled me into my shell for a bit. I wasn���t really speaking to anyone. 

Dara: He told me about it almost immediately; I was one of the first people he told. We didn’t talk much for about a month while he grieved, though I checked on him weekly. There was a moment he broke down on a call, and I remember wishing so badly I could physically be there for him. That’s when I realised he wasn’t just a random friend to me anymore.

Was this when things picked up between you again?

Chris: In a way. By December, I���d stepped out of my grief a little more and we were talking more again. I mentioned wanting to see rural Nigeria, especially somewhere outside Lagos. Then Dara mentioned her grandmother’s village in Ekiti state.

Dara: I told my dad I had a foreign client I wanted to bring to the village, which wasn’t entirely a lie; it was just easier to frame it that way at first since I didn’t want to explain that I was hopping on a trip with a random white man. 

Anyway, we planned the trip and went to Ekiti in February 2022. We met my grandmother and step-grandfather, bought a live chicken at the market, and cooked over firewood outside, nothing fancy at all. He was enamoured by everything. These were things I considered pretty normal but they were new experiences for him, and he was just happy to witness it all. Chris still says that meal is still one of the best he’s had in Nigeria. Even though he also woke up in the middle of the night needing the bathroom because the food was so spicy for him.

Screaming. Was it still purely platonic at this point, though? 

Dara: To be honest, I’d already confided in my sister and aunt that I might be catching feelings, so I’d been planning to bring it up myself at some point. But Chris beat me to it on the second night of the Ekiti trip, and I was so relieved. I’d been overthinking every delayed reply to my messages, wondering if I was being too obvious or too into him.

Chris: I asked her what she thought about us. I didn’t go in expecting us to declare ourselves a couple right there, I just felt like we needed to actually acknowledge that something was there instead of pretending otherwise.

Dara: We agreed there was something between us, but decided to keep things as they were, given how much distance stood between us, and just see where it went without putting a label on it yet.

Oh

Chris: Well, we didn���t have to stall for too long because we became official by August. There were a few reasons for the gap. I had visa complications ahead of a planned May visit, had to renew my whole passport, and missed that trip entirely. 

Fortunately, Dara had a trip planned to Senegal with some of her clients,  so we agreed to meet there. I joined her in Senegal for my birthday in June, and it was just yet another time spent bonding and getting closer. We still hadn’t made anything official.

I came back to Nigeria in August and Nike invited me to a friend���s wedding party. The night before the wedding, I told her something along the lines of ���You know we should make this official and be a couple,��� and that was it. We became a couple.

Sweet. What were the early days of the relationship like?

Chris: It didn’t feel that different, since we’d already built so much emotional closeness over the previous year. We just kept doing what we’d been doing, travelling together whenever possible. One trip that stood out was Spain; it was her first time in Europe after a couple of visa denials and an appeal. We did Madrid, Mallorca, Barcelona, and she continued on to France and Portugal after I flew back to the US. 

Dara: Although communication was tricky sometimes in those early days. Our individual accents took some getting used to. He actually understands me better than his own family does, so he ends up constantly translating for them.

Chris: Something else that really shocked me was how she addresses elders. When Dara met my dad, I told her to just call him Brian, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. She kept saying Mr Brian, since calling an elder by their first name felt deeply disrespectful in the Nigerian culture. But those were pretty much what the early days together felt like. Lots of learning about each other, particularly about our different cultures. 

Got it. How did the relationship progress over time up to the point of marriage?

Chris: As I mentioned, we were really committed to knowing and understanding each other before committing to a life together. The idea of marriage itself  built gradually over a lot of conversations. What really convinced me about Dara was her ambition, her work ethic, her humble background, and how well we worked as a team. We’d also talked about whether she’d be open to relocating, and she was genuinely excited about the idea, given how much she already loved to travel. I also wanted her to meet my family if we were going to get married, so we started planning how we could make that happen.

Your family already met Chris during the Ekiti trip. What did they think of the relationship, Dara?

Dara: My dad was incredibly receptive; way more than I expected. The Ekiti trip really won him over. Chris had asked to visit my paternal grandfather’s grave in his hometown, even though we hadn’t planned to. I sent my dad a photo of us by the graveside, and that meant the world to him. I remember he was also worried about fixing the toilet and a couple of other things, but he didn���t even have to do that because Chris was fine with experiencing us just as we were. I think that from that moment on, he had such a positive impression of Chris. He knew he wasn���t just being polite for show. Every time he called, he asked about Chris. So when I finally told him about our relationship, he smiled. He didn���t have any reservations at all. As for my mum and siblings, they���re all open-minded and since Chris is a likeable person, he didn���t have to do too much to win them over.

Let���s talk about meeting Chris��� family. How did that go?

Chris: Since Dara couldn’t get a US visa in time, we arranged for her to meet my family in Mexico for Thanksgiving instead, about nine months before the wedding. She flew in from a Europe trip to meet us in Puerto Vallarta, which felt like the easiest way to get her close to what life in North America might look like without dealing with the visa issue directly.

Dara: I was so nervous, I hid behind him at the airport when I saw his family approaching. I was completely shy. Still, the meeting was nothing like what I’d built up in my head. Everyone was super warm and friendly, even though they didn���t really understand some of the things I was saying. We’ve since travelled together as a family multiple times.

Chris: After that, I wanted to meet her father too, even though we still weren’t fully decided on marriage at that point. We had to keep it low-key, almost secretive, because once her mother or aunties found out, the whole extended family would start planning a wedding immediately. We met quietly at a family friend’s house so it wouldn’t raise suspicion. I really liked meeting him as well. He was warm and receptive once I shared my intentions.

While this was going on, we also had to talk to an immigration lawyer to figure out our options. He told us it made more sense to marry sooner rather than have a long engagement, so we could start the spousal visa process early. 

That meant planning everything backwards, picking a date and telling our parents first, then figuring out the ring, the outfits, the food, all of it.

Right. When did you actually get married?

Chris: May 23rd and 24th, 2024. The first day was our traditional wedding at her family compound. The second day was a court wedding, done at the Airbnb where my family was staying, since officials can come to you for a fee instead of going to the courthouse.

What was that first year like, considering you still had to deal with the distance?

Chris: It was bizarre, honestly. We got married and then went right back to our separate countries, me in the US, her in Nigeria. It felt strange being legally married but not actually living together, seeing each other maybe once a month using flight benefits from my airline job.

Dara: I survived that first year by throwing myself into work. It was harder for him, since he had to fly back and forth constantly. At one point his work schedule nearly changed in a way that would have made visits almost impossible. We got through it by reminding ourselves that some long-distance couples go a full year without seeing each other, and we at least had monthly visits.

Chris: Not living together also meant there was little to nothing at all to fight about. So that had its little perks in a way. But I���ve been a lot more present in Nigeria in the past year, and we���ve been living together as a couple. That has taken some adjustment from both of us. 

What do you mean?

Chris: New kinds of friction showed up. Different habits around the bathroom, the kitchen, bedtimes, and what to eat. Small things that become bigger when you’re constantly around each other.

Dara: The deeper issue was how differently we handle conflict. I’m confrontational, I’ll tell you immediately if something bothers me, even if it’s small. He tends to avoid it in the moment, but then it builds up until he suddenly brings up a whole list of things that annoyed him weeks earlier, all at once. That usually felt unfair to me, since I couldn’t address issues I didn’t even know existed.

Chris: I think it’s partly how I was raised, and partly cultural, too. Nigerians can be loud and direct in the moment but quick to move past it afterwards, whereas I tend to hold things in and process quietly, sometimes for too long. We’ve been actively working on it. I’m trying to speak up sooner rather than let things pile up into one big confrontation later, and Dara has had to learn to hear feedback from me without feeling like she’s being ambushed all over again.

Earlier, you mentioned that you work well together as a team. How did that come about?

Chris: We started a tour company bringing international visitors to Nigeria. I handle the big picture planning, the itineraries, and the vision for each trip. Dara is much better with the logistics, the budgets, the day-to-day details I tend to struggle with.

Dara: Working together has actually strengthened us as a couple. We’ve learned how to divide responsibilities based on what each of us is naturally good at, rather than trying to do everything the same way.

Neat. What’s the best thing about being with each other?

Chris: I’ve learned an enormous amount about Nigeria and about Dara specifically, things that will stay valuable for the rest of our lives together, even if we end up somewhere else entirely one day. It’s made us better partners and hopefully better parents eventually. I love how well we complement each other in practically all areas of our lives. Where I’m weak, she’s strong, and vice versa.

Dara: Chris genuinely feels like finding a puzzle piece that fits completely. I have no doubt that Chris is who I’m meant to do life with.

I like that being with him has amplified my love for travel even more, and we’ve both grown so much individually since coming together. I’ve also had to confront some of my own conflict-related habits from my upbringing, and I’m actively working to unlearn what isn’t helpful.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Dara: An 8. We’re friends first, which I think should be the foundation of any marriage, and we’re honestly inseparable at this point; we can barely handle short periods apart anymore. There’s still room to grow, but we’re getting there.

Chris: I’ll also say an 8. Nobody’s perfect, and because we work and live together constantly, we have to be intentional about keeping romance alive rather than letting everything become just about work. That’s the one area I think we can still be more deliberate about.

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Joe* (31) and Matilda* (28) met during Joe’s NYSC placement in 2019. 

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about reconnecting two years later, the night Joe collapsed in Matilda’s bathroom, and she had to call his mother at midnight, and why Matilda still hasn’t felt fully at home with that same mother since. 

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What���s your earliest memory of each other?

Joe: October 2019. Matilda was recruited at the tail end of my NYSC posting at a financial services company. I was the only corper there for a while, and the youngest person in the office, too. Two months earlier, I���d heard another corper was joining. I remember the HR person used to tease me, saying I���d soon have a fellow corper to keep me company. But weeks went by and I didn���t see anyone, so I assumed it wasn���t happening.

Then, I took a one-week break from work to sort out some NYSC clearance issues. I came back the following Monday and saw this cute lady sitting at the reception. I immediately knew she was the new corper and introduced myself.

Matilda: I remember thinking, ���What���s wrong with this one?��� when he stretched his hands out. It was cute and funny at the same time. But that was also my first memory of Joe. I���d actually wanted to work at a fashion brand, but every attempt to land a role at the big fashion houses fell through. Then my mum suggested doing something in the financial sector, since it was more relevant to my course of study anyway. I had real reservations, especially after hearing during the interview that I���d be the only corper there. But the salary was also convincing, so in the end, I took the job when the offer came in.

Even though I���d initially thought Joe was too forward, having him around made that first day less overwhelming. However, I���d also heard he was leaving soon, so I didn���t want to get too attached since he wouldn���t be around anyway.  But he was just really persistent, almost like a baby in a candy shop. 

Joe: Fear women. I was just trying to make her feel welcome. I didn���t get that when I joined. The corper before me was one stuck-up babe who never smiled.

Screaming. So I���m guessing you guys developed an office friendship?

Joe: We did. From that first week, we started sitting together, buying lunch together, waiting for each other after work and occasionally sharing rides on our way home. Some people in the office actually asked if we’d known each other before. I think, for me, it came from being starved of having someone my age around at work for so long.

Matilda: And it happened naturally, too. After that first day of initial gra-gra, I actually noticed Joe was a cool guy. I mean, he���s good-looking, dresses really nicely, and those are two things I look for in a guy. But as said, we fell into a rhythm of always being around each other during and after work hours. 

Sounds sweet. And what happened when Joe���s service year ended?

Matilda: Proper tears o. He left toward the end of November, and I was genuinely heartbroken. In the few weeks we spent together, I realised why he was so excited to have me around. People at that office were mostly older guys who held traditional views and just wanted to boss you around. They���d also make annoying remarks like ���You���re still young now. You don���t have any serious responsibilities.��� And the women were just really judgmental. I couldn���t imagine having to be alone with people like that. I remember crying at his send-off, and people in our department were surprised at how hard I took it. But I can be quite emotional like that.

Joe: I���d actually hoped they would retain me. I did a little lobbying, but that didn���t help in the end. I wasn���t dating anyone at the time. I had a couple of girls I was messing with, but seeing Matilda emotional at my send-off did something to me. I didn���t fully understand what it was yet. But I was genuinely touched.

Curious, Matilda. Were you dating at the time?

Matilda: I was in a long-distance relationship then, and I really loved my boyfriend. I genuinely wasn���t seeing Joe in that light at all; he was just a work colleague turned friend whom I���d grown fond of. 

Got it. Did you two stay in touch after he left?

Joe: We did, mostly calls and texts. But as the months went by, the frequency naturally reduced.

Matilda: Around that same period, my boyfriend started complaining that I seemed distracted, though it wasn���t specifically because of Joe. Our relationship was just going through its own strain. 

Joe: I think it was also just because we were experiencing different realities. I didn���t get a job as quickly as I thought. I was trying to start a little clothing business, it was just so many things going on. She���d cross my mind sometimes, but I didn���t reach out all the time. Besides, I knew she was dating and I wanted to respect her boundaries.

So how did you guys end up reconnecting?

Joe: We ran into each other at an event in late 2021. I spotted her first across the room and walked up to her. We hugged and screamed so much that we drew attention. We ended up spending the rest of the party together. We had so many things to catch up on since the last time we���d seen each other.

Matilda: I remember some of my friends who were also at the party kept asking me about him afterwards. They wanted to know why we seemed so close and why I seemed so comfortable around him. I told them he was just a friend, nothing more, but for some reason, they thought I was lying.

Joe: After the party, I could stop thinking about Matilda. She���d changed a lot and looked even better than the last time I���d seen her. However, I didn���t know how to ask if she was still in a relationship, so I started checking her Instagram and Twitter for clues instead of asking outright. Instagram didn���t say much; she only had about two old pictures there. But on Twitter, I found a few tweets and that made me conclude she wasn���t dating, and if she was, it probably wasn���t something serious.

But did you eventually ask her directly to be sure?

Joe: I did, just to confirm what I���d already suspected from some of her posts.

Matilda: I actually found it funny when he asked. I told him straight up that I was single. I was talking to a few people, obviously, but it wasn���t anything concrete. My instincts had always told me Joe liked me, even back when we were coworkers at the NYSC posting. But I used to brush it off because he���d never been direct and I didn���t want to misinterpret our friendship.

Joe: Then, not long after, I sent her a message on WhatsApp telling her I���d like us to be in a relationship.

Matilda: The exact words were ���I���d like you to be mine.��� I laughed so hard when I got the message and even sent laughing emojis. The line felt like something straight out of a movie script. For some reason, I just thought he was joking, and then he said he wasn���t. I think we had a two- to three-hour call after that message, and I realised he was actually serious. But I told him he had to say everything to me in person, not on the phone.

We went on a couple of dates, kept talking regularly and eventually became official in March 2022.

Awwn. What were the early days of the relationship like?

Joe: They were sweet. We were doing all the relationship regulars. Movie dates, long hours spent on calls, visiting each other and it just felt like we were living a version of our NYSC days, only this time, as lovers. I think what really made it feel so easy was that we genuinely liked each other as friends long before feelings got in the picture. So we didn���t have to navigate any early days of awkwardness.

Matilda: I agree. That foundation made a difference for us. We could easily agree to disagree; nothing felt too serious that we couldn���t solve after a deep, honest conversation. Dating just felt like adding an extra layer to our friendship rather than starting from scratch.

Joe: I also found out Matilda was a lot more emotional than I���d clocked during NYSC days. She wears her feelings quite openly and cries easily. It was hard to navigate at first because I process things a lot differently. I get emotional, too, but not to the point of tears. The thing with Matilda is, she could be crying, and you���d think something bad had happened only to hear ���I passed my course. My friend just got engaged.��� Everything makes this woman cry.

Matilda: I can���t help it. I���m actually bothered that I���ve never seen Joe cry. He processes his emotions differently. He���d just have this stoic, unfeeling look on his face and you wouldn���t be able to tell if he���s angry or sad. I think the most emotional moment I saw him was when he fell sick.

Oh. Tell me more about that.

Matilda: That weekend, I���d asked Joe to come to my place. At the time, I was staying in a shared flat with two friends, and they both travelled to Ibadan and I didn���t want to be alone. I���d always been the one going to his place, so for once, I asked him to come over. This naughty boy did anyway, even though he wasn���t feeling too well.

Joe: It wasn���t anything serious, to be honest. I went to work that Friday and continued with my normal activities. When she asked, it also felt like a good opportunity to relax with my babe. Plus, I was a bit worried about her being in the flat alone for two nights. So I packed a bag and went over, thinking whatever I was feeling would pass.

When I got there, everything felt fine at first. We hung out as we���d usually do, and she even made me this healthy salad that was supposed to help me find my appetite. Then, around bedtime, I started feeling lightheaded. She told me to go take a warm shower and I figured that would help. But that���s probably the last thing I remember.

Matilda: While he was in the bathroom, I heard a loud thud that startled me. I ran and found him unconscious on the floor. I completely panicked and didn���t know what to do at first, so I just started pouring water on his head, hoping it would wake him up. He eventually opened his eyes and started mumbling something, but it was inaudible. Then, when I tried to lift him, he couldn���t move at all. 

Did you try to get help?

Matilda: I actually wanted to call my own parents first, but they lived far away, and honestly, I dreaded the thought of them finding out I had a man in my apartment. By the time Joe regained full consciousness, he still couldn���t stand. Whenever he tried, he felt this sharp, excruciating pain in his waist. That was when I went into full panic mode. I thought something had happened to his spinal cord. Then he said we should call his mum, since their house wasn���t too far off. 

The call was incredibly awkward. I actually wanted Joe to speak with his mum and tell her what happened, but his words didn���t quite make sense. It felt like he was going in and out of consciousness. Eventually, I did most of the talking. By 1:30 a.m., his mum arrived with her driver and one other man. Then we rushed to the hospital.

Joe: I was barely conscious through most of it, so I only found out the full details of what happened afterwards. 

Matilda: I don���t think I���ve ever needed him to be his normal self more than that day. The hospital was especially awkward with his mum.

What do you mean?

Matilda: She started asking me lots of questions. What I���d given him to eat or drink, what exactly had happened before he collapsed. It felt like an unending interrogation. The whole time, I kept running different scenarios through my head, genuinely wondering what I���d gotten myself into. At that point, I���d also informed my siblings, although I told them not to tell our parents yet. Because with the way Joe���s mum was going, it felt like she was going to involve the police or something. 

But did she ask how you knew each other in the first place, or how he ended up in your house?

Joe: Throughout that entire hospital stay, my mum never actually asked about my relationship with Matilda. She probably just assumed she was a friend helping out. It wasn���t until the day I was being discharged, when Matilda came to see me off, that I properly introduced her. It felt weird considering everything that had happened.

Matilda: His mum wasn���t harsh toward me at any point, even though the questioning felt a bit too much. But she wasn���t particularly warm either. And that left me feeling really uncomfortable. 

Joe: My mum can actually be that way. She���s not the friendliest person, even if she doesn���t mean any ill will by it. She just enjoys her own company and has always been that way, even with people she���s known for years. 

Through it all, I���m just thankful for Matilda. Things could have gone a lot worse if her fear had taken over. It���s one of those experiences neither of us will ever forget. Plus, that was how my mum found out about our relationship.

Right. And how���s the relationship between the two of them now?

Joe: It’s just there, really. I do wish it could be better. I don���t want to end up in a situation years down the line where my mum and my wife don���t see eye to eye. So I really hope things change with time, because I know, deep down, my mum doesn���t mean any harm; she���s just reserved by nature and has always been that way. 

Matilda: She actually calls to check on me sometimes, so I know there���s no ill intent. It���s just hard for me to fully shake the memory of how she reacted that first day we met. I understand it was nothing personal, but still���

Despite everything, what’s the best thing about being with each other?

Matilda: The friendship. We were genuinely close as people before we were ever a couple, and that’s carried us through the relationship. Sometimes, I think of Joe as my best friend first, before I even remember that ���oh wait, I also get to call him my lover.��� He���s kind, caring and really selfless. The way Joe makes my problem his own and prioritises me is really something. 

Joe: I feel the same way about the friendship part. We genuinely like each other as people, not just as partners in a relationship. Matilda talks about selflessness, but I think I also learned from her. She doesn���t joke with my matter and I know she���ll always have my back. Plus, have you seen my baby? She���s your spec���s spec.

I hear you. How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1-10?

Matilda: I���d say 8.5. We’re both glad to have each other, and honestly, we can’t wait for this to move toward marriage. We both know it’s coming soon, and I can���t wait to call him husband.

Joe: I���d give us a 9. Outside of the challenges with my mum, everything else about us feels solid, and I only see that getting stronger from here as we keep building together.

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

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Deji* (28) and Nkem* (27) met at a tech speaking event in Lagos in 2023, and grew close over shared career ambitions.��

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about a friendship that started when Nkem challenged him mid-session, a moving-in arrangement forced by a demolition notice, and the subtle testing she now feels from his mother.

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What���s your earliest memory of each other?

Deji: August 2023. My friends had asked me to volunteer at a tech event at my alma mater and I agreed. I���d always wanted to get involved in capacity-building work, and it just felt like a low-hanging fruit. During my session, this one lady kept interrupting me with questions. Actually, observations. She���d raise her hand and I���d expect a question, but she���d hit me with ���I actually think or read something that XYZ.��� It felt nice at first, because she made me feel like I was actually making sense. No one else had the same eagerness to participate. But eventually, it started to feel like she was challenging me at every turn, and I got a bit offended. I think I even signalled one of the ushers to stop handing her the microphone. 

Nkem: This was actually so funny when he shared it with me many months later. But yeah, that was me. I���m usually highly engaged at events like that. I was doing my master���s at the time and had only attended the event because I knew the organisers. I���d looked up some of the speakers prior, and I remember thinking, ���oh, he looks cute and smart��� when I went through his Instagram page. But that was about it. I���m not sure whether that very slight interest influenced how I interacted with him during his session. 

So what happened after the session ended?

Deji: I was standing outside, chatting with friends and other attendees, when I saw her walking toward me. I think I might have rolled my eyes and said a silent ���you again!��� My brain had sort of filed her under the ���difficult person��� cabinet, and I was bracing myself for another round of her observations. But I was pleasantly surprised.

Nkem: The truth is, I knew I came up a certain way during his presentation, so I wanted to apologise for disrupting things so much. I walked up all smiles and told him I had a few more questions. 

I���m guessing he obliged.

Deji: She completely disarmed me with that smile and apology.

Nkem: We stepped aside to a corner and ended up chatting for almost 20 minutes. I had so many career-related questions, and he was just super helpful and patient in his responses. Before I left, Deji also shared his number and said I could reach out whenever I wanted.

Deji: After she walked away, I remember thinking she was really pretty. It was the first time I properly took her in. I think she had a white top and burgundy baggy pants on. It just looked so stylish in the way she paired it.  She looked like the kind of person I could see myself dating, but it was just a passing thought. 

Right. Did Nkem reach out to you?

Nkem: I actually wanted to send a message the very next day, but I held off on purpose. I didn���t want it to look like I had some other motive behind reaching out so quickly. To be fair, I���d also noticed he looked even finer in person and was really well spoken, but I wasn���t really looking to date at that point. I was laser-focused on completing my master’s and building my side hustle. Men and relationships could wait.

But later that week, I saw a job opportunity and reached out to him to seek clarity on the role. As before, he was really helpful and patient. And really, that���s how our friendship started. It was a very professional and career-focused friendship, nothing romantic at all. I was also looking into relocating through a scholarship program, and Deji knew a lot about the process, so we always had something substantive to talk about.

Deji: We ended up attending more tech conferences together as well. We went as friends navigating similar spaces and I admit, some of the outings actually felt like lowkey dates. There were instances where we had to grab a quick lunch together at restaurants and it would just be both of us gisting and laughing and just getting to know each other. It never felt like anything beyond a valuable friendship at the time.

I hear you. And how long did the relationship stay this way?

Deji: Pretty much into the next year. But I think our dynamics really had a major shift after Nkem���s convocation ceremony. Her family couldn���t make it down to Lagos, so I made it a point to show up and make the day special for her. I invited a few mutual friends, ordered a cake and a photographer and secured a cute spot for us. She didn���t even know I was doing all that. 

Nkem: That was really sweet. In my head, I just thought I���d attend the ceremony, celebrate with Deji and a few other friends who were having a proper celebration. I didn���t know this man was already plotting a coup behind me.

Deji: I mean, I didn���t want her to feel like she was celebrating alone. Funny thing is, a lot of people at the event just assumed I was her husband or fianc辿 because of how invested I seemed all day. I was going up and down, making sure everyone was well catered for and just generally playing big daddy.��

Screaming.

Nkem: It meant a lot to me that he did that. But then, after the ceremony, I had to pull him aside and ask the ���What are we?��� question. We were already blurring the lines, and as I said, he wasn���t a bad guy at all. I think a part of me was already falling, even if I didn���t have the exact words to say what it was. But after the whole graduation thing, I needed to be clear about whether this was still a friendship or had become something more. Even though I wasn���t dating, I had a few people who were disturbing me, and I just wanted to know where things stood with him.

Deji: I���d honestly wanted to have that conversation, but Nkem beat me to it. I guess I just kept telling myself I was waiting for the perfect moment, even though I couldn���t really tell what that moment was. When she finally asked, I realised there was no point in stalling any longer, so I went all out and asked her out properly.  

We became official that same month, January 2024.

Sounds sweet. What were the early days of the relationship like?

Deji: They were really good days. I like to call them the honeymoon phase of the relationship, but Nkem insists we���re on an everlasting honeymoon phase. 

It was a lot of getting to know each other on an even deeper level. We shared the same values and were both extremely career-oriented, which made it a lot easier between us.

Nkem: I agree, though I did feel like he could be a bit too serious sometimes. Deji���s idea of fun was attending conferences, bootcamps, volunteering events, that sort of thing. I didn’t have a problem with any of that on its own; I just needed him to find some balance and put that same energy into nurturing us as a couple, not just our individual careers. What happened to going on weekend getaways, cinema dates, or even just spending an entire week cooped up at home together? That wasn���t Deji. If something serious wasn���t somewhere in the mix, he���d feel as though he wasn���t taking his life seriously.  But I shared my concerns, and then he put me in charge of being the enjoyment minister. All I needed to do was set something up, and he���d make the time. 

Deji: I think something else that surprised me was how direct Nkem was with intimacy. I’d never been with someone who was that specific about what she wanted and how she wanted it, so it took some getting used to on my end.

Nkem: I’m that way because intimacy genuinely matters to me in a relationship; it’s one of the things I pay close attention to. If I’m not satisfied in that area, it’s reason enough for me to walk away, so I’ve always been upfront about it rather than leaving it to guesswork.

But in general, it was a good period. We barely had any major issues. We were figuring each other out properly and testing whether our values and effort matched on both sides. I���d say the period that really tested us was when I had a housing situation in 2025.

Oh. What happened?

Nkem: My rented apartment was marked for demolition, and we all received eviction notices from the landlord. I needed to leave and get a new place within a fairly tight window, and the entire thing really threw me off. I���d been living in the house since I moved to Lagos, and it had become my safe haven. Having to leave with little or no time to prepare got me in a state of constant fear and worry. Rent prices at the time were also ridiculous. Everything available felt like it was double what I’d been paying, and raising that kind of money on short notice felt overwhelming on top of everything else I had going on. 

Somewhere in the middle of all that stress, Deji suggested I move in with me.

You have your own place, Deji?

Deji: I actually live with my mum and three siblings, but it’s a big house, and we had a spare guest room that was sitting empty most of the time. Nkem had already met my family a few times by that point and they liked her, so it didn’t feel like a completely wild idea to me. It felt more like the practical solution and I guess I just wanted to ease the pressure on her. 

The other thing is, I knew she was actively planning to relocate, so it wasn���t going to be a permanent arrangement.

Fair enough. But did your mum agree?

Deji: Her main worry was the optics. She didn’t want it to look bad if Nkem’s parents found out she was living with a man she wasn’t married to, especially given how conservative Nigerian parents can be about that kind of thing. But Nkem’s parents weren’t even based in Lagos, so they didn���t realise how bad the rent situation was until she broke it down for them. The moment she started mentioning rent that ran into millions, they changed their tune.

Nkem: I wasn’t fully sold on the idea myself at first. If I’m honest, moving in with your boyfriend’s family is a big shift, no matter how you frame it. I just kept drawing up different scenarios in my head. Would I get along with his mum? His siblings? Would I have to cook for them? Go greet his mum every morning? I was just overthinking everything, and Deji kept saying it wasn���t that serious. He said they���d housed strangers several times, so why would it be hard to house someone he cares about? 

I think what really convinced me was the setup of the guest room. I’d visited the house enough times to know that it was built almost separately from the main house, with its own entrance, so it felt like there’d still be some real boundary and privacy there. 

Eventually,��I moved in that July.

What was it like once you actually moved in?

Nkem: Things were sweet and pretty normal. I was apprehensive going in, but everyone, including his mum, made an effort to make me feel welcome. They’d include me in meals, ask me to come sit with everyone in the main house, little things like that. I realised that I���d really been overthinking a lot of things. In those first few months, there were times when I didn���t see his mum more than twice a week, or even once. She���s an early riser and always leaves for her shop very early in the morning. As for his siblings, we���d been cool before, and it just continued that way. I don���t know what Deji had told them, but I knew there was some level of restraint in how they related to me. Not like a bad restraint, more like trying to be super respectful.

Deji: I’d actually done a lot of groundwork beforehand. I made sure my mum and siblings understood how much Nkem meant to me and that I didn’t want any issues arising from the living arrangement. Obviously, they laughed and made fun of me when I told them, but they also knew I was serious. 

However, there are definitely things outside my control.

What do you mean?

Deji: Even with all the groundwork I put in beforehand, mothers will always be mothers. My mum has her own way of showing care that doesn’t always land the way she intends, and I can’t exactly monitor every interaction between them.

Nkem: There are moments where I feel like she’s testing me, even if she’d never say that outright, and I don’t think she means it that way either. There have been times she’s insisted she only wants food that I’ve made. She���ll just come to the room sometimes and go, ���Nkem, it���s that your jollof rice that I want to eat this weekend o,��� or she���d come and ask if I can make one Igbo soup or the other. It’s never said with any malice, but it still feels like a subtle test in a way I can’t quite explain. Like, there���s no way I can turn down the request even if I���m not feeling up to it.

Do you ever think she���s just trying to bond?

Nkem: I don���t deny that, but it still feels strange sometimes. And it���s not just the food. Whenever Deji is away, whether it’s for the weekend or a work trip, she insists I come sleep in her room rather than stay alone in the guest room, even though I’m perfectly comfortable there. 

Deji has tried to reassure me that she means well, that it’s just her wanting to look out for me while he’s not around, and honestly, I don’t doubt her intentions at all. It just still makes me uncomfortable in the moment. 

When I try to explain how it feels from my side, Deji tends to see it purely as his mum extending love. And it sometimes makes me feel like my feelings get brushed aside, even if that’s never his intention, 

Deji: I do genuinely believe my mum means well. That���s just her way of showing care and making sure Nkem feels included, and not like an outsider. But I recognise I need to be more intentional about drawing clearer boundaries with my family around this, rather than just assuming good intentions cover everything.

Neat. Is there a plan for how long this living arrangement will last?

Deji: We’re actually looking to relocate soon, so hopefully this whole thing comes to a natural end once that happens. I can���t wait for the day when we finally have our own space to ourselves.

Speaking of the future, what would you say is the best thing about being with each other?

What’s the best thing about being with each other through all of this?

Nkem: Deji is very supportive. That���s one thing I can never take away from him. There are things I���ve achieved just in the few years we���ve been together that would have taken me more time and effort. He has consistently shown up for me, and I love him for that. Despite the awkward moments with his family, I do genuinely feel welcomed by them, and that matters to me.

Deji: I feel lucky to have someone this purpose-driven by my side. I also don’t have to worry about whether my family accepts her, because they clearly do, even with the small frictions here and there. I’m just looking forward to when we finally move and get to have our own privacy as a couple.

How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1-10?

Deji: I’d say an 8. Obviously, the living situation has added some strain that isn’t really about us as a couple, so I’m knocking off a couple of points for that, but Nkem is my person. 

Nkem: I’ll also say an 8. We���ve built a strong foundation both as friends and lovers. I can���t wait to start exploring the world with my best man. 

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

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Abdulwaduud (31) and Zee (25) met during a work project in February 2025.

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about a DM trap set after a dinner event, a mother who nearly disqualified him over his hair before a single phone call changed her mind, and a marriage that happened in less than six months of dating.

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What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Zee: We met through work in February 2025. A bunch of us were added to a WhatsApp group for a project, and he was on it, too. 

Abdulwaduud: I remember that meeting. She was on the team as media personnel for the brand, and I was there as the interior designer and painter. The project was about 90% complete, and we all had to meet in person to get to know each other. That was the first time I properly registered her.

Zee: Actually, now that he mentions it, I just remembered that I did a little snooping around a day before the meeting. Someone had dropped his Instagram handle in the group and I was curious to see if he knew his onions. I got to the page and was impressed. But I also saw his pictures and thought, ���This man is definitely married.��� It was just a passing thought, really.

When we met in person the next day, he seemed cordial and nice. At one point, he got a bit vocal with someone doing a messy job on the walls, and I must have rolled my eyes or something. But that was it, I’d already concluded he was married, so I really didn’t pay much attention beyond that.

Abdulwaduud, was there something specific you noticed about her that day?

Abdulwaduud: It was the way she carried herself. I’m very particular about composure, and she was so well put together, still is. It wasn’t really about anything else, just how present and composed she was in the room, especially surrounded by a lot of other people. She’d come straight from her regular 9-to-5 to attend, and even then, she listened more than she spoke. That evening, we had dinner before everyone left, and she was sitting right across from me, smiling at her phone. She had no idea I was already on her matter.

Right. Did you guys have an actual conversation that day? 

Abdulwaduud: Not in a straightforward way, I had to set a bit of a trap to get her attention. We took pictures at the dinner, and I figured if I tagged people in a post, she’d likely get reposted into it and eventually find her way to my page. I’d spent the entire meeting checking her out without saying much, wondering if she was even single. So that night, I posted the food photo hoping she’d stumble onto my handle through the tag.

Zee: And it worked, though it took me all of two hours of scrolling his page before I even liked anything. Then, as soon as I liked something, he reacted to an OOTD post of mine and asked, ���Oh, do you sew your clothes?��� I told him no and asked why he’d think that.

Abdulwaduud: I’d genuinely spent the last two hours on her page trying to figure out what to say that wasn’t too forward. I landed on complimenting her outfit indirectly by asking if she made it herself. When she said no, I told her whoever tailored it deserved an award, and things just flowed from there, a lot of back-and-forth banter. At some point, I mentioned it was Ramadan and that I didn’t want to spoil my fast. Then she asked what I was praying for, and I mentioned a wife, marriage, love, peace, and prosperity.

Zee: The moment he said that, I figured he probably wasn’t married after all, and I thought, okay, maybe there’s something here.

Sweet. So how did things progress from that point? 

Zee: Pretty fast. Honestly, I wasn’t even ready for anything serious at the time. I’d just come out of a bad breakup and had mentally given myself a year off dating. But Abdulwaduud was so intentional right from day one. He told me he wasn’t looking to date casually, that he wanted to marry me. I was genuinely scared at first, but he never wavered. He always made sure I knew where he stood, even while we were still getting to know each other.

Abdulwaduud: It���s just like she shared. I didn���t waste time at all, even though I was also waiting for Ramadan to end before pushing things further. About a week or so after, we arranged to meet for Iftar (dinner) in person, not officially a date yet, just a chance to talk face to face instead of only over DM. 

From there, we started talking every single day, and I was very straightforward. I told her early on that I don’t do talking stages. Once I know I’m interested, I want to find out quickly whether it’s going to work rather than dragging things out. In fact, I told her we were going to get married in the same year or next. Then I gave her about a week after that conversation to decide whether she wanted to pursue things further. She visited me the following week, and that���s how our story took off.

But when exactly did it officially become a relationship?

Zee: We���d like to keep that bit to ourselves, but we’d gone to the cinema, and on the drive home, he brought it up in the car. I actually told him to stop, but he went ahead anyway. He didn’t ask me to be his girlfriend exactly; he used the word woman instead.

Abdulwaduud: By that point, we’d already laid out where we both stood, so it wasn’t a total surprise to her, just the timing.

Curious, Zhulaikah, how did it feel knowing this relationship wasn���t just about dating, but that marriage was always the end goal?

Zee: I���ll be honest. A big mindshift had to happen before I could proceed. I���d taken a break from dating, but I���d also told myself that the next relationship I found myself in had to be worthwhile. I probably wasn���t expecting things to move so fast, but at the end of the day, we both wanted the same things. 

Got it. What were the early days of the relationship like?

Zee: Sweet. We grew closer and really got into the whole getting-to-know-each-other-properly phase. I think what I liked most was how intentional we were about ensuring our values aligned before committing to something deeper.  The early days felt like we each had an individual checklist to tick off. 

Abdulwaduud: I think the highlight of our early days was her mother getting to know me. I was still wearing braids during that period, and that sort of rubbed off on her first impression of me.

Oh

Zee: So here���s the thing. I hadn’t told my mum directly about Abdulwaduud; I’d only mentioned it to my aunt, thinking it would stay private for a while. Somehow, it got back to my mum anyway, and she called me with questions. 

When I finally spoke to her, I made the mistake of showing her his Instagram page, thinking she’d be impressed by his work. Instead, she fixated on the fact that he plaits his hair. She felt that would attract a lot of women around him and wasn’t comfortable with it. I told her to just speak to him directly before judging by what she saw. I gave her his number, they talked, and by the next call, she’d completely changed her tune. She only had positive things to say and said she wanted to meet me. I still don���t know what he said to charm her.

Did you consider cutting your hair after hearing her mum���s concern, Abdulwaduud?

Abdulwaduud: Not at all. Even before Zee became my wife, she loved my hair and how I styled it however I wanted. Funny enough, I now need her permission before I even think about doing anything funny with my hair. She loves how I take care of my hair and even invests in it herself now. People assume it’s a simple decision I can make alone, but that’s not my call to make by myself anymore.

Aside from the hair drama, were there any other things you had to navigate in the relationship?

Zee: Nothing that felt alarming. It was a discovery period for both of us, but it also brought understanding. For instance, he found out I don’t particularly enjoy cooking, even though I can cook. I spent a lot of time in the kitchen growing up, and I just don’t enjoy it the same way anymore.

Abdulwaduud: That one was karma for me, honestly. I also don’t like cooking, but I still fell for someone who isn’t big on spending time in the kitchen. However, as she said, these weren���t major issues that shifted anything about our relationship or how we felt for each other. 

Food means a lot to me, and there’s an emotional element to it for me that goes beyond just eating. So we had to have conversations about it. I told her that I’d always pictured building a food plan with my wife, having someone who’d help keep me on track and just enjoying home-cooked meals rather than eating out. It was kind of crushing to find out she wasn���t big on it. But we found a way around it. 

Nice. What was the solution?

Zee: First off, he made it clear that it wasn’t about him demanding I cook every day; it was more about figuring out conditions that would make it feel less like an obligation for me. And for me, those conditions were a kitchen environment that actually feels homely, room to communicate honestly about when I’m up for it and when I’m not.

Abdulwaduud: Exactly, she laid out what would help her feel supported, and I worked towards meeting those conditions.

Speaking of shared activities, how did the marriage conversation pick up pace?

Abdulwaduud: I was constantly bringing it up to the point where I was rushing everyone around me. I wanted everything done by July, and it felt unbelievable to me that it stretched into November. I was the one pushing hardest for us to meet each other’s families early.

Zee: Marriage was always part of the conversation from the start, so it was really just about deciding when. I’ll admit I was the one holding things back a bit; in my head, I kept thinking it was too early, too fast. We eventually agreed on a date around June, after my birthday, and decided on August for the Nikah.

Wait. Just six months into dating? Was there any pushback from family or friends about the pace of things?

Zee: My family, aside from my mum, definitely thought we were moving too fast at first. They had all these questions about how long we’d known each other and were genuinely concerned. But once they actually met Abdulwaduud and spoke to him, their whole tone changed. It happened every single time. 

Abdulwaduud: On my side, though, my family had a lot of concerns about my readiness. My grandma had been on my case for years to get married, so the pace itself wasn’t the issue. 

But my family wanted to be sure I could actually provide for and properly care for a wife. They wondered whether I could sort out my own living arrangements and all the practical things needed to set up a family. They also asked both of us to do genotype and health checks. It felt less like doubt and more like making sure we were both truly prepared, especially since I come from a broken family and had always been deliberate about not rushing that particular decision. It was one of the most emotionally demanding moments for me because my relatives kept grilling me. They just wanted to make sure I knew what I was signing up for.

So when did you guys get married?

Abdulwaduud: We had our Nikah ceremony in August, and then a larger event in November, where our families invited guests and partied. Honestly, that gap in between wasn’t for us; it was for our families, giving them time to prepare and invite people properly. If it were up to me, we’d have done both on the same day and moved on with our lives.

Oh. Does this mean you still lived apart after your Nikah ceremony? 

Zee: Yes. We didn���t start living together as a couple until after the wedding reception in November. 

Got it. Were the early days of marriage any different to when you were dating?

Abdulwaduud: Not entirely. But this time around, we lived together and that naturally required some adjustment.��

I think the hardest part for me was more about the hard work and financial commitment it took to set up a home. It came with a lot more logistics than I expected. It was overwhelming in ways I hadn’t fully prepared for, but that moment also brought us closer. We were figuring it all out together, learning each other’s love language and what I’d call our fight language, too.

Zee: It���s just like he said. We had to make some adjustments, mostly around how we handled issues. I���m naturally slower to process issues. And that���s something that even showed up during the marriage conversation itself. I was the one wanting to take more time, while he was ready to move quickly. 

But even when we have small disagreements or differences of opinion, communication has always been our greatest strength. We���ve always been able to talk things through until we land on something solid. 

But have you two ever had a major fight, though?

Abdulwaduud: I think we���ve had a couple, but honestly, I can’t pinpoint one specifically. Whatever tension comes up usually dies the moment we actually talk it through, so it stops feeling like a big deal in hindsight. One example that comes to mind is about how I handle confrontation. She doesn’t love it when I get vocal with people, like okada riders driving recklessly. 

There was a day when one nearly hit us twice while we were carrying a passenger, and I got out of the car to address it. She really hated it. But for me, my first instinct in that moment was more about collective responsibility, correcting bad behaviour before it affects someone else. 

Zee: I felt like I wasn’t really being heard in that moment. The guy already apologised. If I were the one driving, my first instinct would’ve been to accept the apology and move on quickly. But Abdulwaduud has his own way of handling things, and many times that means confrontation.

Anyway, we talked it through afterwards, and I helped him understand that he could at least have listened to me in that moment. Honestly, we do a lot of talking in this relationship. That���s really our bag. There���s no issue we���ve never been able to navigate after a conversation where both parties share how they���re feeling.

Neat. How would you each say this relationship has changed you?

Abdulwaduud: My sense of responsibility, mostly. I never realised how intertwined my choices would become with someone else’s feelings until we got married. I���ve also realised how much I still have to learn. I used to think I had everything figured out, but being with her taught me that two different perspectives can both be true at once, and that’s been humbling. She’s taught me patience in ways I didn’t know I needed, and I’m endlessly grateful to have someone patient enough to walk me through things until I truly understand them.

Zee: I’ve learned to talk about things more in the moment instead of needing days to process before addressing anything. That’s been a real shift for me, and it’s made things easier between us over time. I genuinely believe our communication is the best thing about this marriage; without it, I think we’d have struggled a lot more than we have.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Abdulwaduud: A 10. We still have a lot to learn about each other, but we’re doing it together, and our communication is what makes that possible.

Zee: I’ll also say a 10. If there’s anything shaky in this relationship, it’s never been our love for each other; that part has always felt certain. Everything else, we’re building intentionally, together.

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Rosie (29) and Xo (33) met in August 2023, a year into Rosie���s US embassy posting in Nigeria, when she was still struggling to feel at home.

On this week���s Love Life, they talk about a seven-hour first date, a breakup sparked by malaria, and how they rebuilt trust and their relationship across continents before deciding to build a business together too.

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What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Rosie: I’d arrived in Nigeria in 2022 for work and struggled to settle in during the first year. I didn’t have many friends and wasn’t acclimated to the environment. Around August 2023, a colleague I’d known for a year mentioned this guy she thought I’d get along with. She said he was hardworking, was building a business, and was open to making new friends.

I gave her permission to pass along my number, and that���s how we started talking.

Xo: I’d actually worked with our mutual friend on an interior design job. One day, she reached out and told me about her amazing friend she thought I’d connect with. I asked if she meant just friends or something more, and she said she’d leave that up to us. I said, “Sure, send me the number.”

Curious, did either of you ask to see pictures?

Rosie: Oh yes, I did. And the only one I got was from the COVID era. He had a mask on, so all I could really see were his eyes. Still, I was very drawn to his eyes. They looked kind. I told myself, even if he turns out to be ugly, he seems like he’d make a good friend.

Xo: My friend sent me a picture of Rosie, too, and my first question was, ���She���s not Nigerian?��� I hadn’t really been around people outside my race, so even the idea of just being friends felt new and exciting. But honestly, I couldn���t miss the fact that she was beautiful. 

Right. So how did your first interaction go?

Rosie: He texted first and asked if he could call, and I immediately said no. I’m not a phone call person, especially with someone I don’t know yet. But he didn���t have a problem with my preference, so we got into texting. 

Xo: The conversations were pretty basic, since I was often out of town and only texted when I had free moments. I don’t think she was too impressed with how reluctant I seemed, but we kept it going.

Rosie: It was a lot of getting to know each other, and we went back and forth for a few weeks before he finally asked us to meet in person.

Xo: I was going to be in town the following week and wanted to see her. We met for the first time on August 26, 2023.

Rosie: I remember being so strict about the details. I told him to give me an exact time and place because I don’t like waiting around. I think that’s part of why he chose to meet somewhere near his workplace, since he knew for sure he’d be there.

Let���s get into the date. How did it go? 

Xo: I still had to work that day, so I told her I’d be finishing up on my laptop when she arrived and asked if it was fine. She completely understood. When she got there, I stepped outside to meet her, and she just looked incredible in her black dress. When we got inside, I closed my laptop and tried to make conversation to avoid any awkwardness. 

After I finished up with work, we went to a restaurant in Wuse. We also went to see a movie, but while we waited for the time slot, we killed time with margaritas at a Mexican spot. We continued talking, and everything felt so natural. Before we knew it, we���d spent about seven hours on our first date. 

Rosie: Everything he said.  He was already being sweet and kind from the moment I arrived. He opened doors, checked in on me and constantly made sure I was comfortable. I actually liked that we met near his workplace. I’d been looking for someone with the same hardworking energy as me, and seeing him in his element shifted things for me almost immediately. I went from ���oh, this could just be a friend,��� to wanting to explore this romantically. And yes, he was very good-looking in person, which helped.

The date was really sweet, even though I was nervous.

Oh. Why?

Rosie: I’m actually not a nervous person because my job requires me to interact with people constantly. But I felt that way because some part of me already knew I’d just met my future husband.

Aww. What happened after that first date?

Rosie: I went home smiling and called my mum immediately to tell her all about him. We kept texting after that, though I’ll say Xo was a pretty bad texter it was honestly annoying. 

About a week later, he asked to meet up again, and I figured, let’s just see how the second date goes, maybe he’s just bad at texting but good at showing up.

The second date was also really good. We went to eat and tried an activity I’d never tried before. I think he’d picked up on my love for new experiences from our earlier conversations. After that date, I told him directly that he needed to work on his texting, and he explained he was just deep in the building phase of his company at the time.

So, at what point did things progress romantically?

Xo: You know, on our first date, I told her I was going to marry her. It wasn’t a serious down on one knee kind of statement, more just something I felt deep down and said out loud. But even though I knew that early, we didn’t rush into anything. We’d actually talked about it and agreed we weren’t looking for a relationship at that point, so we kept things as they were for a while.

Rosie: When he said that about marriage on the first date, I didn’t find it weird at all, which surprised me, because normally that kind of statement would freak me out. I think I even said something suggesting that I agreed. 

But as I said, I had reservations about jumping into a relationship. I’d come out of a long-term relationship before, and I’d told myself the next person I dated had to be the one, no in between. So I wanted to really get to know him first, make sure I was okay with everything about him before committing.

Over the following months, he showed up consistently and intentionally. He planned dates around small things I’d mentioned in passing, like a tea party or having his team set up a mirror for me because I’d casually mentioned not having one. The fact that he actually listened meant a lot, and he eventually became a much better texter. But there was still this nagging worry, since I already knew my posting in Nigeria would end in late July 2024, and I didn’t know whether starting something serious made sense given the distance ahead.

Xo: Whenever she brought that up, my answer was always some version of, “We’ll figure it out.��� I just wanted us to enjoy and cherish the moment we had together without borrowing grief from the future. And I managed to douse her worries until she asked us to take a pause. 

Oh. Why? What happened?

Rosie: I travelled home to the US for Christmas around mid-December 2023, and before I left, I told him we should hold off for a bit. I needed time to think. 

For that entire week apart, I was miserable and couldn’t stop thinking about reaching back out. I met up with a friend in the US who asked if I was seeing anyone, and when I brought up Xo, she pointed out that my whole face lit up when I talked about him. That was enough for me to reach out and apologise for suggesting we pause things.

Xo: I understood there were a lot of uncertainties for us, especially around where her job would post her next. But I commit fully once I set my mind on something. I already knew I wanted Rosie, so whatever it took, I was ready. When she said we should hold off, I wasn’t happy about it, but I gave her the space anyway and just hoped she’d come around, which she eventually did. And that���s when we became official. 

Let���s talk about how that happened.

Rosie: I travelled to Peru for two weeks after the US trip, and we were on FaceTime constantly the whole time. I remember hoping that we’d make it official once I got back to Nigeria, though I never said it outright. I think he picked up on it from how much we were talking. I returned to Nigeria around mid-January 2024.

Xo: When she got back, I went straight to the point. I told her there was no need to beat around the bush, that we both clearly knew how we felt. She agreed, and that was when I knew this was serious.

What were the early days of the actual relationship like?

Rosie: It was beautiful. I like routines, so we settled into a weekly date rhythm, while he brought more spontaneity to things. We started planning our first trip together, and ended up in the Seychelles that May.

The trip was an emotional one. I cried more than half the time we were there, because I already knew my time in Nigeria was running out. We had a lot of conversations about how we’d manage long-distance, and I’d get frustrated when his answer was still just “We’ll figure it out.��� But outside of our relationship, I also really got to know his culture, the food, the music. Before him, I couldn’t handle spicy food at all; now I’m the one asking for extra pepper. I also met his friends, and they were so welcoming. It reminded me of how warmly I’d been received when I first built a life in Nigeria.

Xo: That early stretch of the relationship was genuinely sweet and challenging at the same time. I knew I’d found someone I wanted to spend my life with, even as I knew she’d be leaving soon. It was a difficult trope to navigate.

Blending two different cultures wasn’t always smooth, especially around food and music, and there were quiet moments at home where I’d think, after all this, she’s just going to leave. But I never seriously considered walking away. I just kept telling myself, “Let’s make the memories now,” and I’d keep making the effort for us, regardless of what was coming.

Rosie mentioned having to leave Nigeria in July 2024. What happened during that period?

Rosie: It was another bittersweet moment. So after all these months dreading the elephant in the room, the time to leave finally crept up on us. I got malaria that July. It was pretty bad, so I ended up in the hospital. It felt like the worst possible timing because I was supposed to be packing to leave. Luckily, my mum was around in Nigeria to help me pack.

During this time, Xo would come to the hospital, but he wasn’t there the entire time; he’d leave and come back. Where I come from, if your partner is hospitalised, you stay with them the entire time; you don’t go home. That difference in expectation became a real issue between us. It led to one of our biggest fights, and we’ve never shared this publicly before now.

Oh

 Xo: Here���s the thing: I���m a Nigerian living in Nigeria. I get malaria myself every couple of months, and it was never a life-threatening condition. So my instinct was to treat it the way I always did. I didn���t realise how much harder it hit her since it was her first time getting malaria. 

I was in and out of the hospital for about three days. But because of how she was feeling, physically and emotionally, she ended up telling me it wasn’t enough. She said I wasn’t there the way she needed me to be, and she broke things off with me.

I take things seriously; I don’t play games. When she called it off, I respected it and told her, ���okay, no problem, you want this, you’ll have it.��� I didn’t fight it in the moment.

Wait, you didn���t try to resolve this before she left?

Xo: About a week or two before she was set to leave, I had some of her things to return. I could have sent them over, but I wanted to bring them myself. I guess I wanted to see her in person. I even picked up some gifts for her on my way. 

When I got there, I suggested we take a drive. Part of me knew if this didn’t work, it wasn’t really about the malaria at all. There was probably something more. We talked during that drive, and I apologised for how things had played out. She also realised she’d reacted out of being deeply in her feelings during a hard moment. 

We found our way back to each other, though not as an official couple yet. We agreed it made sense for her to leave first and see how things felt from a long-distance perspective before becoming official again. I was still cautious after the breakup, so I wanted us to test the distance honestly before jumping back in.

Rosie: When he showed up that’s when I realised I’d made a mistake reacting the way I did. But I was glad he stopped by, even though he could have just sent my things via courier. Two weeks later, I   left Nigeria. 

He was actually in the car with me on the way to the airport. It was late at night, and it was sad knowing what was coming. I think I cried, though he won’t easily admit to crying himself.

Xo: I didn’t cry, but I felt really low. My eyes watered at some point, honestly. Not crying doesn’t mean I wasn’t emotional; I missed her badly the moment she was gone.

What was your relationship like once Rosie was back in the US, and how did you eventually reconnect?

Rosie: We talked maybe once a week at first, by design. We���d both said we wanted to genuinely grow individually, and staying in constant contact would’ve undercut that. At one point, we didn’t talk for about a month and a half straight; it was too painful to see his texts and know it wasn’t the right time. Then, around my birthday in December, he reached out. We had a long conversation that lasted for six hours. I even work the next day because I was up until 5 a.m. It was the conversation we both needed, and we admitted how much we’d missed each other.

Xo: That conversation was very needed. But I think for me, I also spent most of that period buried in work. Still, I missed her a lot. So, around that December, I made that call because I genuinely couldn’t hold back any longer. 

After we finished talking, I knew she was still as into me as I was into her, regardless of the fact that we���d both taken some time apart.

Curious, though. Did either of you consider seeing other people during that period apart?

Rosie: I’d rather not get into specifics on that, but I will say that whatever growing I was doing wasn’t purely for myself; part of it was always with the hope that we’d eventually end up together, however long it took.

Xo: I’ll say the same. I never stopped knowing I loved her, even while giving us both that space.

Fair enough. When did you two agree to get back together properly?

Rosie: Around January 2025. He���d mentioned that if we were getting back together, it had to be for real this time. No more breakups or going back and forth, and I agreed.

Xo: By then, we’d already had the long conversations that made it clear this was serious, so there was no hesitation on my end.

Rosie: I flew back to Nigeria in  March 2025 and stayed a month, the maximum my visa allowed. Even though we were already technically back together, he still took me on a proper date and asked me to be his girlfriend again. But after 30 days, it was time to leave again. And this was when we started having serious conversations about my career.

Tell me about that. 

Rosie: I’d spent my entire adult life putting my career first, even back in college. I decided that this time I wanted to put the relationship first. I told him I was considering a change into private consulting, something that would give us more flexibility, and asked if he’d support that. He said absolutely, whatever it took.

Xo: At that point, I think we���d both understood the fact that we weren’t just fighting to keep a relationship alive but also building a future. So we also decided to go into business together. I told her I had capital and she had the expertise, so we started building something together on top of our relationship.

Rosie: We opened a short-let residence enterprise in Abuja, and we’re also working on Airbnbs in DC. We’ve already got one running and are looking to expand. I’ve been back to Nigeria three or four times since that reunion.

Neat. After two years together, what would you say is the best thing about being with each other?

Xo: Rosie brings a lot of calm. Relationships aren’t all smooth, but when I’m with her, I feel like the missing piece of a puzzle has clicked into place. She pushes me to be better emotionally, physically, and financially, and I genuinely feel good being around her.

Rosie: His kindness. He’s the type of person who’d give away his last shirt if someone needed it, sometimes to his own detriment. He always figures things out, which is a big part of why long distance has been manageable for us.  I trust that whatever happens, he’ll find a way through it, and I feel emotionally fulfilled whenever I’m with him.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Xo: A solid 9. Nothing is perfect, and we still have differences to work through, but I’m leaving that last point open for growth.

Rosie: I was going to say 10, but he’s right that there’s always room to grow, so I’ll say 9.5. We trust each other deeply, which matters so much in long-distance. The half point left is for when we’re finally living in the same place, and there���s no more distance.

Speaking of. How do you see the future of this relationship, considering the long distance?

Rosie: The goal is to live together eventually. Right now we’re both still growing our hustles, but I know that if I ever needed him to drop everything and show up, he would, and I’d do the same. We already have our next trip planned for September; we never leave each other without knowing when we’ll see each other again.

Xo: We’ve already travelled to three countries together, and there are more we still want to explore. But a long-distance relationship isn’t forever for us. We���re ultimately settling down as one family.

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Tomi and Anu (early 30s) met as teenagers at a New Year party in 2009.��

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about a decade of drifting apart and reconnecting, the life-changing accident neither of them saw coming, and the moment Anu proposed marriage before he ever got the chance to ask.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Tomi: 2009. We met her at a New Year’s party through a mutual friend. I was about 17 and went there to dance. But that day at the party, I spotted Tomi and just couldn���t stop staring at her. I’d never felt that kind of pull toward anyone before. It turned into a full-on staring competition between us. 

However, I didn’t know how to approach her because I was clueless and had never really toasted a babe before. After we left the party,  I went to our mutual friend and gave a thorough description of Anu. I described her face, nose, eyes, and what she was wearing. Then she said, ��� Oh, that sounds like Anu,��� and gave me her number. 

Anu: My earliest memory of Tomi isn���t so different. I noticed him staring at me intensely at the New Year���s party, and I remember thinking, ” Why is this guy looking at me like that?��� I was shy, so I just stared back without saying anything. We didn’t talk that day at all; we just kept looking at each other across the room.

Then, I think the next day after the party, our mutual friend asked me if she could give him my number. She told me this guy liked me and wanted to reach out, and I said she could give him. I was just 15, and I wasn���t thinking about relationships. I just expected us to have normal conversations and keep it moving. And that���s exactly what happened. As Tomi mentioned, we were both still really young, and it was a new experience for us. So it was only natural that we started as friends.

Hmmm

Tomi: We spent the next couple of months just getting to know each other. We mostly talked at night, using the MTN night call plans, since daytime minutes were expensive. 

We’d just talk about our likes, dislikes and what we both wanted for ourselves in the future. We were both raised by single mothers, so we were naturally quite disciplined and weren���t thinking about anything physical or intimate. 

And how long did this phase last? 

Tomi: We talked for almost a year before anything was official. One night out of nowhere, Anu said, ���Babe, do you realise you haven’t actually asked me out?��� And she was right. As a first timer, I���d gotten so lost in the friendship phase that I didn���t even realise I had to make that move. After she raised it, I asked her to be my girlfriend, and that was how it started.

Anu: I remember bringing it up because I think my friends had been asking if he’d asked me out yet, and I realised he genuinely hadn’t. So I just said it to him directly. At that time, we���d been talking for about a year, so there was no point in telling him I needed to think about his request or anything like that. So he got a yes on the spot. 

Sweet. What were the early days of the relationship like, especially since you were both still so young?

Tomi: They weren���t bad. We had the boyfriend-and-girlfriend tag, but much of the relationship was still about building a strong bond. We barely ever met physically, and people find that hard to believe now. In the whole time we dated, I think we saw each other in person maybe four times. If I wanted to see her, I’d take a longer route home just to pass her street and catch her on the balcony. I’d tell her, I’m almost at your balcony, and we’d just smile and wave at each other. It was very Romeo and Juliet.

Anu: Again, I need to mention that we were always both so shy because it was a new experience for us. Even on calls, there were times when we���d just get quiet because we didn���t know what to say. Still, it was a beautiful experience for both of us; we were just fond of each other in a very innocent way. But things took a turn for us around 2011.

Oh. What happened? 

Anu: My family had to move to another city rather abruptly because of financial struggles. I didn’t tell him or call him about the move; I just left. I guess I didn’t want to involve him in what we were going through at the time. It was a whole lot of personal family struggles.

Tomi: That move was a huge shock. But before she moved, there was a Boxing Day party at my place that I wanted her to come to, but she didn’t show up. I ended up dancing with one of the girls at the party that day, and I think word must have gotten to her, building some resentment. It was probably why she didn���t tell me about her family���s move.

Is that right, Anu?

Anu: In a way. I was already dealing with my mum’s illness and a lot of personal struggles, so hearing about him dancing with someone else just added to everything. I convinced myself he’d moved on to someone else, and between that and the move, I just decided to focus on my own life.

So I���m guessing you guys broke up around this period?

Tomi: Well, it wasn���t like we had any official conversation to call it quits. We just drifted apart after the move, and eventually, we only checked on each other once a year through Facebook messages. I took it hard, though. 

After she moved, I remember crying myself to sleep at night, playing sad music. It was a whole lot of strong emotions on both sides that we didn���t know how to handle. She was dealing with life, I was dealing with her absence and even the circumstances around which she left. We didn’t know how to handle something like that, which is why the drift happened. Eventually, even the occasional calls stopped, and just like that, we spent a decade apart. 

Must have been hard. Did you guys date other people during this period?

Tomi: I dated a few people, maybe up to five over that decade, but I never dated more than one person at a time; that’s just not who I am. None of those relationships worked out the way I hoped, but they also helped me grow in a way. I was getting more experience and maturing where necessary. In a way, my heart was always still drawn to Anu.

Anu: I dated other people too, but if I’m honest, what I felt for those people was never as strong as what I felt for him. There was always something different about him that I couldn’t quite explain to anyone else. Through those years we weren���t speaking, I���d check his Facebook page and see pictures of him and his lovers. In my head, I just concluded that he���d moved on, and I honestly wished him well. 

So at what point did you guys reunite?

Tomi: That was around 2018. It happened right after I came out of a relationship where I’d been cheated on. I was completely heartbroken, and one night, while scrolling through old Facebook messages, I saw Anu���s name. I just thought, let me check on this babe. We started talking again, I asked for her WhatsApp number, and the conversation picked up from there, much more openly this time. I remember pouring out my mind to her about what I���d gone through. In a way, I just felt she���d understand. I lowkey knew she���d been keeping tabs on me and knew what my dating history looked like when we were apart. I was always open about who I was dating; I never had any reason to hide, so I knew she wouldn���t doubt my innocence in whatever had happened with the lady.

Anu: When he reached out, I actually felt a bit some type of way that he was sharing all these details about his heartbreak with me before I’d shared anything with him. Still, I allowed him to pour out his mind and listened.

Somewhere in my mind, I felt like maybe God was bringing us back together, especially since I was single and had been praying for a partner around that same time. Outside of his relationship troubles, it just felt really good to reconnect with him after so many years apart. 

I can imagine. So, who made the move to bring the relationship back?

Tomi: That was me. I asked her out on a date that same week we reconnected. I didn’t want to waste time. We met and went to the mall in Ikeja. When I saw her walk up in this red dress, I just thought, ” This girl hasn’t changed at all.��� She was still as pretty as ever, and I knew then that I still wanted her. 

That same day, I asked if we could restart things properly, and she said yes almost immediately.

Wait, what? You didn���t have any reservations that he���d just come out of another relationship, Anu?

Anu: To be honest, I had mixed feelings. A part of me was happy and excited that I���d reunited with my first love, and I was even expecting him to ask us to get back together. But another part of me was cautious; I didn’t want to just be someone he used to heal from heartbreak. 

Eventually, I decided to trust God and give it a chance anyway. I didn���t think it was a coincidence that he returned to my life around the same time I was asking God to send me my partner.

I see. And Tomi, did you feel like you’d fully healed before starting things up again with her?

Tomi: If I’m honest, no. I hadn’t fully healed at that point; it had only been about two weeks since that breakup. But the moment I saw her again, something shifted. It felt like it reignited everything we’d had before, and it stopped being about healing from someone else. I already knew the kind of person she was from years back; she wasn’t someone chasing different men around, and that mattered a lot to me. I just felt like, ” What am I even waiting for? Everything I want is right in front of me.���

 And I went for it.

Got it. What did dating look like the second time around?

Tomi: We were a lot more intentional and grounded this time. I’d drive her to work sometimes, we’d go to church together, go to programs and camp meetings, really trying to build our future with God at the centre of it. Things went well for about a year, and then we hit another roadblock. 

What do you mean?

Tomi: I started struggling financially. I was trying to build a business, and I set all these insane targets for myself, like I needed to have made a certain amount of money before I could commit to marriage. When those targets weren’t hitting, I started convincing myself she deserved someone who could already provide more than I could at the time. 

Instead of being honest about it early, I started misbehaving, hoping she’d get frustrated and leave on her own. Eventually, I told her outright to move on, that I wasn’t ready and didn’t know when I would be. I stopped picking up her calls for weeks after that.

Anu: I was confused and wondered what had changed. I remember telling him nobody was rushing him, that we could figure things out together, and that we should keep trusting God. But he insisted he needed time, so eventually I just stopped reaching out. I didn���t want to impose myself on him even though I wasn���t ready to let go. I was heartbroken all over again, especially because we’d already been planning a future together in our minds. 

I moved on with my own life after a while, but the universe still had other plans for us. 

What other plans?

Tomi: On September 12, 2019, while driving an Uber passenger, we were attacked. We got stuck in traffic on a bridge, and two men approached the car, one of them armed. He demanded my phone, and in the chaos, I reached for where I’d hidden it, and he shot me. I passed out briefly and woke up to my passenger screaming. Thankfully, some policemen drove me to the hospital. We were stuck in traffic for about an hour while I was bleeding out.

At the hospital, doctors found out the pellets had lodged beneath my brain and removing them could cause damage. Some are still lodged near my jaw and nose today. Anyway, I was transferred to the teaching hospital in Ikeja. After checking the extent of the damage to my eyes, the doctors told me I might never see again.

I was in complete shock. Depression set in almost immediately.

I���m so sorry. How did Anu find out?

Tomi: My brother knew I’d been seeing her, even though we weren’t speaking at the time. While I was still admitted, he felt like I needed someone. So he took my phone, found her number, and called her himself. I had no clue he���d done that.

Anu: I got a call from his brother at work. Honestly, in the moment, I completely forgot we weren’t even on speaking terms. All I heard was “hospital,” so I left work immediately and went there. I sat outside for hours because his siblings didn’t fully recognise me at first; it had been years. It wasn’t until his mum came out and saw me still waiting that I was finally let in to see him.

I couldn’t even process what I saw once I entered the ward. His face was heavily bandaged and swollen; it was terrible to see. I didn’t cry in front of him, but I broke down once I stepped outside. When I finally went in, I just held his hand without saying anything at first.

Tomi: The first thing I asked her was why she’d even come after everything I’d put her through. She just told me to shut up, that I’d started again, and that she was there, full stop. That was the first time I cried after the accident, though she couldn’t see it because of the bandages.

Anu: After that day, I kept going back to visit him, even after telling myself I’d stop so it wouldn’t look like I was trying to force myself on him again. I couldn’t stay away, though; I genuinely wanted him to be okay.

A few weeks after the accident, I brought up marriage.

Wait, what?

Anu: I remember thinking, instead of going back and forth to visit him all the time, what if I were just there permanently. Before I said anything to him, I sat with the idea for a while and asked myself honestly if my decision was driven by pity. I’ve read enough to know marrying out of pity doesn’t work. Once I was sure it wasn’t that, I told him plainly, ���Babe, why don’t we just get married?���

Tomi: My first response was, ���Are you blind, can���t you see that I’m blind?���  She told me to stop and said that she wasn’t marrying me because I was blind, she was marrying me because of the man she saw inside me, someone she could build a future with.

How did that actually make you feel, Tomi?

Tomi: I was genuinely surprised because I didn’t think anyone would choose to stay long-term with me in that state. I was still depressed at that point, and I’d even asked doctors at one point to just give me something and let me go. So when she proposed marriage, it didn’t fully make sense to me at first. But I also knew I couldn’t repeat the mistake of pushing her away again. I decided to trust it and told my mum I wanted to get married.

How did your families react?

Anu: It was smooth on my end. I told my sister first, and she encouraged me to tell my mum. My mum’s response was that plenty of people with two working eyes still end up in bad marriages, so if he was a good man and this made me happy, she didn’t see a reason to stand in the way.

Tomi: My side was smooth too. My mum had already grown fond of her without even knowing our full history, just from how homely and respectful she was whenever she visited.

Our wedding was small, just a court wedding, no big party. We didn’t want to spend heavily on a celebration; we wanted to save and invest instead. Around that time, our story started spreading online, and people heard about the accident and her choice to stay, which inspired many. Some started sending financial support, which we used to start building. She started her own business, and I got an Uber car running again.

Nice. What did those early years of actually living together as a married couple look like?

Anu: Those early years were tough. We started out living in a family house, and there are lots of painful memories from that period we���d rather not revisit. 

Tomi and I were fine, though. We’d known each other since we were teenagers, so it never felt like starting from scratch with a stranger; we were already close friends underneath everything. We had a few hiccups around conflict resolution, but we scaled through. 

What sort of issues?

Anu: I go quiet when I’m upset. Instead of saying anything out of spite and anger, I’ll just withdraw into myself. But because Tomi can’t see my face, he wouldn’t always know something was wrong unless he picked up on my tone. It took me time to learn to actually say what was bothering me instead of expecting him to sense it.

Tomi: I’m a big believer in communication. I talk about it often, even in our content. I kept encouraging her, tell me when something’s wrong, don’t hide it from me, I can’t see your face so I need you to use your voice. 

Over time, she’s really grown in that area. On my end, I had to learn to be more patient with how I express frustration. I can get loud when I’m upset, though I’ve never raised a hand or insulted her, that’s something I promised myself long ago because of what I watched my mum go through. We���re not a perfect couple, but considering our unique situation, we���ve grown considerably.

Love it. You mentioned your story spreading online around the wedding. Is that how you got into content creation?

Tomi: Yes, that grew out of it. We started small on YouTube, just sharing our story, then moved into short-form content, comedy skits, and everyday moments. People kept telling us how inspiring it was, so it slowly became something we built intentionally, not just for income, but because we realised we had something worth sharing.

Content creation is also my main source of income these days, alongside the things I’d already been building, like driving. It’s not as much as what she earns, but it matters, and it’s something I’m genuinely proud of.

Curious. Do you have children, and are they aware of your condition?

Anu: We have two. Our son is old enough to understand what happened to his dad. Our daughter is still very young, but she seems to sense it in her own way. She’ll take his hand and guide it toward things, or move out of his path when he’s walking, so he doesn’t bump into her, without anyone teaching her to do that. 

After six years of marriage, what would you say is the best thing about being with each other?

Anu: His positivity. He has this spirit that makes it hard to sit with him and stay negative about your life. He’s helped me grow so much in that area, because I used to spiral badly whenever something went wrong, and now I catch myself handling things much more calmly because of him.

Tomi: For me, it’s her strength. She carries a lot: work, the house, caring for me, and she rarely complains. The challenges we’ve been through together have made us more resilient, not less connected. We’ve built something real, and there’s a peace between us that I wouldn’t trade for anything, even the millions I once thought I needed before I could commit to her.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Tomi: I’d give it a 9.5. No marriage is perfect; we still have disagreements, but how you handle those moments determines a marriage’s strength over time. We’ve been intentional about not letting issues sit unresolved, and that’s kept us solid.

Anu: I’d give the same, 9.5. He’s my husband, but he’s also my friend, my business partner, and honestly, one of the people I trust most in the world.

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If you���ve enjoyed reading Love Life, our flagship series on love, heartbreak, and relationships, we have exciting news. We���ve partnered with Cassava Republic to publish a book based on the flagship. Coming January 2026, it���s about to be your favourite book.

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Dotun and Enitan (early 20s) met during a casting call in 2024.

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about turning a content collaboration into a relationship, the joint savings account they operate as partners, and how he pushed her CGPA from 1.83 to 4.33 in one semester.

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What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Enitan: January 2024. I���d posted online that I needed someone tall and fine to shoot relationship content with. Then he reached out with his picture and his name, and he looked like a good fit for the role. A few days later, we met in person for the shoot. 

Dotun: I’d actually seen Enitan around before. She’d attempted a Guinness World Record for the longest continuous hours of washing, about 58 hours, back in November 2023. I was on campus and saw a crowd gathered around her doing this thing. I didn’t think anything of it beyond, “oh, she’ll be fine.” I had no idea our paths would cross again a couple of months later.

Fast forward to January 2024, I’d just gotten into modelling and photography, and I wanted to transition into content creation. When I saw her post, I thought it would be a good way to start doing collaborative content. I didn’t think about it beyond that; it felt like an opportunity, so I went for it.

Right. Take me through that first shoot. How did it go?

Enitan: The first thing I noticed about him was actually how good he smelled. I told him so right away, and he just said a quiet ���thank you���. But yeah, he was very calm and reserved while I was the one cracking jokes and doing most of the talking. We shot what we needed to shoot that day, and I told him we’d meet again for more content.

Dotun: Nothing much was going through my mind that day, if I’m honest. It was all still new to me, so I mostly just wanted to enjoy the experience of doing something different. 

Curious, though; how did your partners feel about shooting relationship content? Or were you both single at the time? 

Dotun: We were both single.

Enitan: Even if I was in a relationship, I think I still would have gone ahead with it, because I really wanted to get into content creation and acting. For me, it wasn’t really about him specifically at first; it was about wanting to build that side of myself.

Got it. How did things progress after that first shoot?

Enitan: We actually shot that same night again, and it was a bit awkward because there were other people around, and Dotun was a little uneasy. But he pulled through regardless. 

The following day, our first post went viral, and he texted me about it. 

What was the content, by the way?

Enitan: It was a rizz-interview format. I asked him things like whether he watched football, and he said he wasn’t really a fan, so I said something along the lines of ���I actually like Ronaldo but we could actually make things get messy.��� I didn’t give him a script beforehand because I like real reactions, so he was genuinely caught off guard by a lot of my questions, and that came through on camera. People loved the video so much.

Sounds sweet

Enitan: From there, we started speaking more about content ideas and what we could try next. He’s a very reserved person, so I was usually the one carrying the conversation. 

Then one day, I travelled for a job interview and wanted someone to talk to. I texted Dotun, and he stayed on the phone with me throughout. Around that time, he also dragged me to watch an AFCON match with him, even though I don’t like football. Gradually, he started coming out of his shell a bit more.

Dotun: I’m naturally the type that only really talks once I’m comfortable with someone, so that was why I seemed reserved in those first few weeks. There was also a time when a brand sponsored us to go to the cinema, and we had a great time together. We talked properly for the first time that day. We got really personal about details of our lives, our past experiences, and just general life struggles. I remember thinking, ” This person is actually fun to be around.��� I also liked someone industrious, and Enitan happened to be doing laundry, running errands, and juggling several things at once, and that stuck with me.

How long did this phase of just working together last before feelings started coming into it?

Dotun: Close to a month. We were spending a lot of time together because there was always a shoot to plan. I’m naturally very careful about relationships; I’d never actually been in one before, so I didn’t want to rush into anything. It was around that three-to-four-week mark that we started having deeper conversations, and that’s when I started to understand her differently.

She talked about how a close friend had betrayed her, and it turned out I actually knew the person. I’d had a similar experience myself, someone I’d tried to be there for who ended up not being genuine. Realising we’d both been through that kind of thing made me feel like we understood each other on a different level.

Was this when you realised you were falling for her?

Dotun: In a way. There was a day we were talking, and I asked her, somewhat nervously, “Is this still content?” I wanted to know whether what was happening between us was still just work or something more, but I wasn’t bold enough to ask her out directly. She told me to ask her when I got back to my place instead of in person. I left, but I was too scared to actually send the text that night. It took a couple more weeks before I finally worked up the courage.

Enitan: When he first asked, I told him I’d rather he ask me later, over text, because I don’t do well with serious conversations in the moment. When he left that day, he didn’t bring it up again, and honestly, I was relieved, because at that point I wasn’t sure I was ready for anything serious. For me, it was always about our work together, but that feeling was also somewhere beneath the surface.

About two weeks later, he said he wanted to talk about something, and I panicked and pretended I was receiving a phone call to avoid it. He said it was fine, we didn’t have to talk about it, but I told him to go ahead anyway. We ended up in the common room of my hostel, and he finally asked me properly, and I just blurted out a yes without overthinking it. This was on February 2,  2024.

But did you have any worries going into a relationship with someone who had never dated before?

Enitan: Since this was only my second relationship, I wasn’t really worried about whether he could handle it. In a way, it was a new experience for both of us. I was more concerned about whether he’d know how to be romantic. As I mentioned earlier, he���s quite the reserved one, and I wondered if he���d be able to keep up with the sweet talk, PDA and all those sorts of things that I like. 

I also worried about finances. From our time working together, I realised he prioritises collaboration with people over getting paid. I like money, so I wondered how I’d get him to understand I wasn’t being desperate, just realistic. But he turned out to be very easy to talk to.

Fair enough. Let���s talk about the early days of the relationship.

Dotun: The first two to three months were the honeymoon phase. They were calm, sweet, and we didn���t have any real issues. I was still shy then, so if there was something I didn’t like, I’d just stay quiet about it rather than confront her about it.��

Eventually, small things that shouldn’t have mattered became actual issues between us.  What helped me get through those moments was learning to understand where she was coming from, that the way a person behaves usually comes from somewhere, and accepting that, instead of just reacting.

Enitan: Everything he said. Those first few months were really precious and sweet, even though I struggled with the fact that he only seemed to be my man when we were texting. He always felt so distant whenever we were together in person. He’s also naturally introverted, so in public the most affection I can get from him is a hug, and if I try to hug him too much, he gets uncomfortable. 

There was a time we were walking somewhere, and I told him not to bother walking me the rest of the way, so I just sat down on the floor where we were. Can you believe he left me there? I felt so hurt. He told me later that he found it embarrassing, that we were adults and shouldn’t be doing things like that. I told him I wasn’t trying to be an adult whenever I was with him; I just wanted to be his baby. Eventually, I had to learn to hold back until we’re alone.

Dotun: I grew up in a family that wasn’t very expressive, so it’s not something I do on purpose. It’s gotten better over time, not because I made a conscious decision to change, but just from being more comfortable with her the longer we’ve been together.

Enitan: The money conversation was also still a struggle for both of us.

In what ways?

Enitan: I made it clear early on that I know what it means to have nothing, and I���d appreciate it if he reduced his collaborations and charges to reflect his worth. He just had a way with finances that didn���t seem to be optimising for the best opportunities we could grab. And whenever I raised it, he always had one reason or an excuse.

Dotun: I wouldn’t say I was defensive about it. I’ve always wanted to learn from my parents’ mistakes and be someone who actually listens to their partner. When she’d tell me to increase my rates or ask when I planned to start saving properly, I took it seriously, even if I didn’t always act immediately. 

Earlier this year, she pushed me again to raise my prices, reminding me I’d built a name for myself and shouldn’t be undercharging. As much as I understood where she was coming from, I was also scared of losing customers. Eventually, I decided to trust her on it. I now charge close to double what I used to, and I’ve actually gained more customers, not fewer.

Curious though. Have these money conversations spilled into your working relationship? 

Enitan: We’ve never had an actual fight about money. As he mentioned, the only time we���ve clashed is when I frown at him for undercharging himself, but that’s not really a conflict.

I think we���ve also been able to avoid issues because I���m very upfront about finances. Once we started dating, I told him I wasn’t in it for his money, that whatever he had at the time was his, and we’d grow together from there. 

Earlier this year, we opened a joint savings account, the kind where we can both see what’s in it, but neither of us can withdraw from the other’s contribution. We use that account whenever we need to fund a shoot, rather than using our personal money. And that has helped us. 

Finances aside, what other issues have you navigated?

Enitan: There was a period when a girl who liked him kept calling me from different numbers, using my name to make anonymous calls and stir things up. It wasn’t his fault, but I gave him a lot of attitude about it anyway. He asked why I was projecting my past relationship issues onto him when he hadn’t done anything wrong. 

Dotun: She ended up blocking me everywhere and removing our collaboration credits from our shared social media content.

Oh. And how did you two resolve this issue?

Enitan: Honestly, I don’t remember the exact details of how it got resolved. I knew I eventually had to decide that if I wanted this relationship to work, I needed to stop holding on to past hurts and projecting them onto him.

Dotun: I can’t remember the specifics either, but I know I eventually had to report the situation to her mum because she checks in on me and prays for me regularly. That’s become a pattern when things get serious between us, I go to her mum, because I don’t really open up to friends about relationship issues.

How do you feel about him bringing your mum into your disagreements, Enitan?

Enitan: I’m actually fine with it. He doesn’t talk to anyone about our issues, so I know that if it’s gotten to the point where he’s telling my mum, it’s genuinely serious. He’s also very proud, so he won’t be the one to text me first after a disagreement, which is usually how I found out my mum already knows what’s going on. But my mum has been a steadying hand for us during rocky moments. 

Nice. It���s been over two years together. What���s the best thing about being with each other?

Dotun: Having someone to share everything with. If something happens, good or bad, Enitan is always there to figure it out with me.

Being with her also changed how I approach business. I used to just post occasionally and hope people noticed, but she taught me the value of consistency, creativity, and standing firm on my pricing. She’s also the reason I started saving properly; she opened a savings account for me herself, and I’ve been using it for almost two years now. I used to just spend whatever I had, but now I know I have something to fall back on.

Enitan: Dotun is home to me. If something upsets me, he’s the first person I want to talk to, and even when he can’t fix it, he reassures me and calms me down. But the bigger change is academic. When we met, my CGPA was around 1.83. He found out I’d hidden my school portal password because I was embarrassed about my grades, and instead of letting it go, he went to my school’s IT office himself to get the password reset. That semester, I made a 4.33, all A’s except for one B, something that had never happened to me before. He also taught me to sacrifice quietly for the people I care about, and I’ve had to learn to tone down how much I need public affection, even though it’s still something I miss.

He’s my friend, my brother, in a way, and I think we mentor each other more than anything else.

Speaking of, do your followers know you���re dating, or do they think it���s still content?

Enitan: If you go through our content, you’ll only ever see us referred to as best friends or homeboy, homegirl. We’ve never posted anything intimate, so a lot of people genuinely can’t tell if we’re dating, related, or just close friends. I actually call him my twin, and I still do, even now.

Honestly, I used to enjoy the confusion. I find it entertaining it when people ask if we’re dating,. But whatever people think we are, that’s what we really are.

Gagging. On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Dotun: I’d say an 8. There are still things we’re figuring out, still ups and downs, but overall it’s solid.

Enitan: I’ll say 8.5. The extra half is for surviving a 90-day long-distance stretch while he was away, something I’ve seen break other couples who hadn’t been tested that way before. 

He still has room to grow with words of affirmation, but he shows up for me in every other way that matters.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this��.

If you���ve enjoyed reading Love Life, our flagship series on love, heartbreak, and relationships, we have exciting news. We���ve partnered with Cassava Republic to publish a book based on the flagship. Coming January 2026, it���s about to be your favourite book.

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Dehinde* (41) and Busola* (38) met at a wedding party in 2016. On this week���s Love Life, they talk about the pregnancy scare that led to their engagement, the work trip that resulted in Dehinde getting another woman pregnant three years into their marriage, and how they navigated a crisis that would have broken most homes.

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What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Busola: 2016. I’d just come out of a five-year relationship a few months before we were introduced properly at his sister���s wedding. My mum saw how sad I was and kept trying to get me out of the house. When Dehinde’s family sent an invite to their event, she insisted I attend.

Dehinde: My mum literally walked Busola over to me and told me to take care of her. It was such an awkward moment. We knew each other a little; our families had crossed paths, but not well enough for my mum to hand her over to me like that. Still, I ended up hosting her for most of the party, and she seemed to have a good time.

Busola: Yes. He was a fantastic host. He kept sending food and drinks my way, even though he didn���t really stay around for conversations.

God abeg. So what happened after the wedding?

Busola: The following week, my mum asked if Dehinde had reached out to me. I was confused. I remember asking her why he’d need to. 

Dehinde: Funny thing is, my mum also called to ask how things were going with Busola. I was just as confused. There was nothing going on. We exchanged numbers at the party as a courtesy. We didn���t even text or call each other. But my mum���s question made me realise they���d actually tried to set us up, and neither of them had told us.

Mothers! Did you eventually call her?

Dehinde: If I’m being honest, I called mostly to satisfy my mum. She kept pestering me, and it was starting to get on my nerves. I wasn’t dating anyone and wasn’t planning to. I was seriously considering relocating, so dating wasn’t on my mind. My mum knew all of this, so I didn���t understand why she was moving funny. But I called Busola anyway, just so my mum would stop asking.

Busola: My own mum just asked about twice and didn���t bother me. She knew I was still recovering from my last relationship and wasn’t looking for anything new. In fact, we were both still hoping that my ex and I would reunite. She���d grown fond of him and was already referring to him as her son-in-law. But we had some family issues that couldn���t make the relationship move forward. 

Anyway, Dehinde eventually called, and I was surprised at how easy it was to talk to him. We had a decent conversation that flowed easily. Even though I later found out that his mum put him up to call, it didn���t feel like that.

Awww. Sounds sweet.

Dehinde: One call led to another, and before I knew it, we were talking almost every day. I told her about my dating history. She also told me everything about her ex, and I felt for her. Not pity, just genuine understanding, because I’d lost a long relationship too.

Busola: I liked that he didn’t try to rush me or push past what I was comfortable sharing. Some people would want to know exactly what made your last relationship fail. But he just listened to what I was comfortable sharing and didn���t push further. That made it easy to keep talking to him, even when I wasn’t sure what we were really doing. 

After about three months of constant talking and hanging out, we agreed to date properly.

Nice. Did your families know at that point?

Dehinde: Not right away. We kept it quiet at first. Both our families already knew each other, so we knew word would travel fast if we weren’t careful, and we wanted some time to figure things out between ourselves first.

Eventually, they found out. But we were already solid enough that it didn’t feel like a big deal.

What were the early days of the relationship like?

Busola: They were sweet. We understood each other a lot. We knew what we���d both been through in relationships, so there wasn’t a lot of explaining ourselves to do. We gave ourselves a lot of grace. Since our families already had a relationship, introducing him properly wasn’t stressful either. If anything, everyone was happy. I eventually found out it wasn���t even just our mums��� idea to set us up. Our siblings and aunties were involved. 

But yeah, things ran smoothly. We’d talk on the phone most evenings after work, and on weekends he’d come by my place, or I’d go over to his to talk for hours about nothing in particular. I don���t think we had any major issues.

Dehinde: I think I fell harder than I expected to. I went into it thinking I was just satisfying my mum, and somewhere along the line, I actually fell in love. Soon, everyone around us started expecting we’d take the next step, and honestly, we didn’t see a reason to wait.  We both had stable jobs, so there wasn’t really anything holding us back. I always told my mum I���d be married by 30. I was already 31, and a part of me just felt an intense push to take things to the next level.  Still, I wanted to take my time. I wanted the relationship to go on for over a year first.

Fair enough. So, when exactly did marriage enter the picture?

Dehinde: About a year into dating, Busola had a pregnancy scare. In the days we waited to find out, something in me felt like it was a sign to take the next step. I knew then that whether she was pregnant or not, I was ready to marry her. 

It turned out she wasn’t pregnant, but that whole experience had already shown me where my head was. I proposed two months later, at her parents’ house, with both our families there. I hadn’t planned for a public proposal, but the whole thing just kept getting bigger. Everyone wanted to be there.

Busola: I know he didn���t really go into details, but that pregnancy scare was actually quite serious. I was extremely sick, which didn���t help. But the way he was so calm and reassuring really helped. I suddenly went from being scared to asking, ���What���s the worst that could happen?��� I didn���t get pregnant for a random person, and our families already knew we were together. I honestly don���t know why I was even worked up. 

In March 2018, he proposed. I was embarrassed because I hadn’t dressed up for the occasion at all; I thought it was just a regular family visit. Apparently, everyone else but me knew what was going on. We got married in August 2018, about six months after that.

What was the first year of marriage like?

Busola: Blissful. We were settling into life together, and it felt like we’d figured each other out well before the wedding, so there wasn’t a lot of adjusting to do.

Dehinde: But then our parents started asking about making babies almost immediately, which is normal for us as Nigerians. We weren’t in a rush, though. We just told ourselves that if it happened, it happened, and we carried on with our lives.

Busola: Towards the end of the second year, we started to worry a bit ourselves. I’d have delayed periods sometimes, get my hopes up, and then nothing. We tried not to treat it as an issue because it was still fairly early, but the pressure from family didn’t stop. My mother-in-law would call sometimes just to ask how I was feeling, and I knew exactly what she was asking about.

Dehinde: Honestly, two years isn’t that long in the grand scheme of things, but the constant questions from both sides of the family made it feel serious. I remember telling my mum to relax, that these things take their own time, but she wasn’t fully convinced.

Busola: It was a weird period. At some point, we even stopped attending family events because someone was either praying or asking about kids. 

Then Dehinde went and made things worse.

What do you mean?

Dehinde: I travelled for work that year, and I had a fling with a lady I met on the trip. I regretted it almost as soon as I got back to Lagos, and I genuinely tried to put it behind me and move on. I told myself it was a one-time lapse. I wanted to tell Busola immediately, but since I���d decided it wouldn���t happen again, I told myself there was no need.

Then, about two weeks later, I got a call from a strange number. It turned out to be the same lady. She told me she was pregnant and said I didn’t need to worry, that she only needed money to take care of it.

Oh

Dehinde: Part of me felt like I should have just sent the money and let it end there. But something pushed me to tell Busola first. We were already in our third year of marriage without our own child. As strange as it sounds, hearing that this woman was pregnant felt like confirmation for me that whatever was happening wasn’t necessarily on my side. So I went to her pastor and told him everything.

Curious. Why go through the pastor instead of telling her directly?

Dehinde: I needed someone else in the room. I���d stepped out and gotten another lady pregnant. I knew I���d deeply broken her trust and  didn���t know how to confront her alone. The pastor married us, so he felt like the right person. With him, I knew we also wouldn���t have to worry about our families hearing about what was going on in our home.

Right. So how did the conversation go? 

Busola: The moment the pastor showed up unannounced, I already sensed something was wrong. He doesn’t visit without a heads up. Once he explained what Dehinde had told him, I just sat down there. I didn’t cry or make a scene. I just said plainly that the lady couldn’t carry the pregnancy to term. I remember the pastor looking a bit surprised at how calm I was.

Dehinde: Her reaction threw me off a little. I’d expected her to yell or even walk out on me. She wasn’t dramatic about it at all, but she was very firm that the pregnancy couldn���t stay. She said it almost as if she were stating a fact, not a demand. I sent the money not long after, and that was the end of that issue, at least on the surface.

Busola, what was going through your mind at the time?��

Busola: I was hurt that he would even step out. But, oddly enough, I also felt a strange sense of relief that he was fine, health-wise. I should mention that all this time, we���d not really been committed to fertility treatments. We refused to let external pressure make us feel like something was wrong. Again, this was just our third year.�� So for me, it was like, no matter how his actions hurt, I knew he was fine.

Whatever emotions I felt were internal. Almost like I now had to figure out if I was fine. Why did someone else get pregnant so easily when we���d been trying, and nothing happened?

Was this why you stepped out, Dehinde?��

Dehinde: It was purely coincidental.

Got it. Did your relationship feel different after this rough patch?

Busola: It did. We grew distant. We didn’t talk about it much because we didn’t want to give our families any reason to get involved. If word got out, it would have only added fuel to a fire we were already trying to douse. We kept up appearances at necessary family functions and barely said much to each other at home.

Dehinde: For about a year, it genuinely felt like we were living like strangers under the same roof. We still had a physical relationship, but it lacked the connection we once had. On top of that,  we���d started going for fertility treatments, both traditional and hospital-based, trying to figure out what was actually going on. Some weeks we’d go to the hospital for tests, other times my mother would insist we see someone she knew back home. We tried it all just to see what works.

Did the affair come up again between you during that period?

Busola: Not really. He’d told me it was a one-time mistake, and whether or not I could ever fully verify that, I believed him. 

Dehinde: I constantly reassured her that nothing like that had happened again, because it hadn’t. It was a mistake I regretted immediately, and I was determined never to put us in that position again. 

So, where are things now, after eight years of marriage?

Dehinde: We’re in a good place. We’ve built a lot together ��� careers, a home and a life we’re both proud of. We still don’t have a child of our own, but we’ve stopped letting that define how we see our marriage. There was a period where every conversation somehow circled back to it, but these days we’re able to talk about other things, plan for other things, without that hanging over every discussion.

Busola: We’re still trusting God with it. We’re still fairly young, so we haven’t lost hope. But even if it doesn’t happen the way we originally imagined, we know we’ll be fine. We’ve proven that to ourselves already, through everything we’ve survived together. I used to think a child would make our marriage complete, but I’ve come to see that we’re already whole as we are.

Have you ever talked about what things might look like if you’d kept that pregnancy and raised the child together?

Dehinde: We have, actually. We wonder what it would have looked like to raise that child, especially now that so many years have passed without one of our own coming along.

Busola: We don’t dwell on it for long, though. We made the decision, based on where we both were emotionally, and we’ve made peace with it. Bringing another woman’s child into the marriage in the middle of everything would have been a lot, and I’m not sure either of us could have handled it well back then.

What’s the best thing about being with each other after everything you’ve been through?

Busola: Dehinde is dependable. Even through the hardest parts of our marriage, he never gave up on us, and I never gave up on us either. I know exactly who I’m dealing with, for better or worse, and I like that level of certainty. He���s not perfect, but I���m able to tolerate his imperfections, just like he tolerates mine.

Dehinde: My wife is stronger than she gives herself credit for. I don’t take our love for granted. A lot of marriages wouldn���t have survived what ours went through, and I think about that often.

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On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Dehinde: I’d say a 9. We’ve been through real tests, not just the small everyday disagreements, but something that could have ended a lot of marriages. The fact that we’re still here tells me we made the right choice in each other. 

Busola: I’ll also say an 8. We’re not a perfect couple, and we’ve had our share of pain, but we’re growing together, doing life together, and whatever happens with the child situation, I know we’ll handle it as a team. Eight years in, I still choose him, and I believe he still chooses me, too.

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you���ve enjoyed reading Love Life, our flagship series on love, heartbreak, and relationships, we have exciting news. We���ve partnered with Cassava Republic to publish a book based on the flagship. Coming January 2026, it���s about to be your favourite book.

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On this week���s Love Life, they talk about falling in love after just two meetings, taking the ���unpopular��� decision to move in together less than three months later, and how Sarah���s fear of depending on a man almost destroyed the healthiest relationship she���d ever known.

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What���s your earliest memory of each other?

Sarah: November 2025. A mutual friend matched us after I shared on WhatsApp that my mum was pressuring me to get married. She reached out and said, ���I actually know someone if you���re serious. He���s a lawyer and a really nice guy.���

I told her I was interested, as long as he wasn���t a player, and she assured me he wasn���t. When Demola texted me, the first thing I noticed was his profile picture. It was a line from a poem. I���m a poet, and I immediately became curious. I actually thought he was trying to impress me, so instead of replying to his greeting, I asked about the poem.

Demola: It was a quote from Interstellar: ���Do not go gentle into that good night������ I���d had it on my profile picture for years because it means a lot to me.

Sarah: He talked about the poem, and I realised he wasn���t trying to impress me at all. The backstory was fascinating, which impressed me.

Demola: But yes, my earliest memory also starts with our mutual friend. At that point, I was laser-focused on myself. Then, out of nowhere, our friend tells me she knows someone I���d like. I kept saying I didn���t want wahala because I was perfectly happy being single. But she convinced me to send Sarah a message and even shared her Instagram.

I did a little stalking first. She looked exactly like my type. I liked her job and how she carried herself in her videos. I kept trying to convince myself not to text, but before I knew it, I���d landed in her DMs and was explaining my profile picture.

Screaming. So how did things progress from there?

Sarah: We kept talking because I found him interesting. I was in the middle of organising my first book launch, so I wasn���t always available. But whenever we spoke properly, we���d spend hours talking about our work, values, faith, and the lives we wanted.

One thing that stood out was how emotionally open he was. He sent these ridiculously long voice notes and never avoided difficult conversations. Even when I���d disappear for days, he���d simply check in without making me feel guilty.

Demola: I���ll say we both knew what it was from the jump. By the second day, we���d already agreed we weren���t interested in wasting each other���s time. I came in with very strong, ���I���m here to woo you��� energy, and that honesty helped us move quickly.

Sarah: Somewhere in the middle of all that, I invited him to my book launch and asked him to bring cake.

How did that first physical meeting go?

Sarah: First of all, he showed up carrying two cakes. I always joke that the moment I saw him struggling through the door with both cakes, I thought, ���Ah. I don catch am.��� It was incredibly sweet.

Demola: She barely had time for me because she was running the event, but I knew I had to be there. She was leaving for Nigeria almost immediately, and I felt that if we didn���t meet before she travelled, we���d lose whatever momentum we���d built. 

Sarah already had this ���I enjoy my own company��� energy. She sometimes took forever to reply to messages. Imagine adding another continent to the equation.

Sarah: Even though I remember the cake moment, I don���t think the first meeting at my book launch registered. I was super busy and nervous, and we barely had time to talk. 

The meeting that really mattered happened the next day.

Tell me about this second meeting.

Sarah: It was at Heathrow Airport the day after my book launch. I was flying back to Nigeria and planned to stay for about three months. Demola didn���t want me to leave without seeing me again, so he waited for me at the airport.

It was such a hectic day. I spent almost four hours travelling from the West Midlands to London with two huge suitcases and was already irritated by all the travel-day wahala. We kept texting, and I kept asking him to go home because I wouldn���t get to the airport until 7 p.m. My flight wasn���t until 10 p.m., but I felt he���d be waiting for nothing. When I finally arrived, we grabbed coffee and talked for about an hour before I boarded my flight.

What did you guys talk about?

Sarah: We just went on reestablishing things we already knew about each other. I told him about writing and publishing my book, what I planned to do in Nigeria, and he told me about work and his December plans. I just really enjoyed talking to him. I laughed a lot, and a lot. I suddenly didn���t want to catch my flight. 

Demola: I think she really fell for me at the airport.

Was this why you insisted on meeting again before she travelled?

Demola: In a way, yes. As I mentioned earlier, even from just texting, I had a strong feeling that Sarah was my person. I knew the potential for something beautiful was there. Meeting her at the book launch confirmed it. But I also knew that if she flew to Nigeria without us spending proper time together, we���d probably lose the momentum. I didn���t want that; I wanted her that much. And I was right, that second meeting changed everything.

Neat. What happened once you got to Nigeria, Sarah?

Sarah: The wooing became intense. Two days after I arrived, he sent me flowers. A week later, he sent me cake, and it wasn���t even my birthday. We talked from morning till night. Everywhere I went, my face was buried in my phone. Everyone around me asked what kind of lawyer had this much free time.

The more we talked, the deeper things became. We still hadn���t put a label, but I already loved how we saw the world. He didn���t have the typical ���women should be submissive��� mindset. We agreed on religion, society, politics, and almost everything.

Demola: I���d say she became much more enthusiastic, too. Before long, we were already talking about love and what a future together could look like.

Sarah: I should note that at this point, I was talking to another guy who also lives in the UK.  He was in Nigeria for Detty December, and I had plans with him.

Wait, what?

Sarah: Yes. We���d made plans for him to show me around Lagos. But the closer the trip got, the more uneasy I felt. 

So I asked Demola. 

I said to him very frankly, ���I plan to go to Lagos for a week to spend time with this other guy that I���m talking to. Would you be okay with that?���

Demola: I didn���t even know there was another guy until she mentioned it. Normally, I���d have said, ���Do whatever you want.��� That���s usually how I am. But this time, I couldn���t.

I told her not to go because I really liked her. I even promised that if she waited, I���d take her to Lagos myself the following year and we���d do everything she planned to do with the other guy.

Sarah: That was exactly what I needed to hear. If he had said I should do whatever, it would have ended things for me. I hate nonchalance. The funny thing is, I���d already decided I didn���t want to go. I just wanted to know if he cared enough to fight for me.

Demola: I think it was her way of asking me to show that I was serious.

Sweet. So when did you guys become official?

Sarah: We were already acting like a couple, but I wanted him to actually ask.

Demola: I ended up asking twice ��� first over a conversation that ended up in her asking when I would ask her. I wanted to do it in person, but Sarah wasn���t having it, so I asked anyway.

Then later, after she���d returned to the UK, I cooked dinner and attempted to write ���Be my girlfriend��� on a plate with chocolate syrup. It looked terrible.

Sarah: I didn���t think it was pathetic at all. I actually loved it. My Instagram followers thought it was sweet. We became official in December 2025.

Awesome. What were the early days of the relationship like?

Sarah: Things moved very quickly. I���d originally planned to stay in Nigeria for three months because I���d sublet my UK apartment. But the more we talked, the more we started discussing my returning earlier. When I mentioned I wouldn���t have anywhere to stay, he simply suggested that I move in with him.

It sounded completely crazy. We���d only met twice and had known each other for less than two months. Still, something about him made me feel safe enough to take the leap. Against all good advice from family and friends, I bit the bullet and returned to the UK.

Demola: We both knew moving in together so early was unusual, but there was a lot of reassurance on both sides. I told her if living together didn���t work out, I���d still make sure she was okay. But it was still a massive leap of faith for her. Anyone can make promises. Whether they keep them is another matter.

Sarah: Those first weeks of living together were really difficult; definitely not what we both bargained for. The ���honeymoon��� phase disappeared almost immediately.

I was living with a man I barely knew while dealing with visa issues that meant I couldn���t work. He knew this though; it was part of why I���d returned to Nigeria, to catch a break from UK wahala. I was moody all the time. I became withdrawn. We���d also agreed not to have sex until we were both completely sure, so that wasn���t part of the relationship either. Then my friends started getting into my head.

What were they saying?

Sarah: It was the usual. I was trusting a man I didn���t know. The UK is dangerous, and I had no family here. It was risky to put my life in someone else���s hands. That he���d eventually throw me out because we weren���t sleeping together, and I���d end up stranded and regret leaving Nigeria early.

Meanwhile, Demola was doing everything he could to make me comfortable. I couldn���t cook. I hated house chores. He knew all of that before I moved in, but I still felt guilty watching him cook, clean and take care of me while I lay around feeling miserable. It was like all the love I���d felt disappeared beneath layers of fear. I became angry all the time. I���d shout at him. Whenever we���d argue, I���d threaten to leave even though I had nowhere else to go.

At one point, he even offered to buy me a ticket back to Nigeria or move into a friend���s apartment so I could keep staying in his place until I got mine back.

What was this period like for you, Demola? 

Demola: Oh, those days were rough. The excitement died down really quickly. I���d imagined welcoming the woman I loved into my life. Instead, it felt like I was living with someone completely different from the person I���d spent weeks talking to.

We barely had any real conversation. Still, I knew she was struggling, so I focused on making sure she was okay.

I kept reminding her that her work situation wasn���t a problem. Not cooking or doing the house chores wasn���t a problem. None of those things mattered to me. But she still carried herself like she was a burden. She was always quiet and passive, almost as if she felt stranded in my house. 

Even my lifelines didn���t help. I offered to send her back to Nigeria, to leave my apartment for her until she got hers. Nothing worked. Eventually, I started wondering whether she���d arrived and realised I wasn���t the person she���d imagined.

Sarah: I should mention that I���d also never lived with a man before, so I was caught between feeling guilty for depending on him and angry that I���d left Nigeria earlier than I wanted. It was a very confusing time for me. I knew I wanted to be with him, but I didn���t know how.

But did you share these worries with Demola?

Sarah: I did. He was very reassuring. He told me over and over that I wasn���t a burden. He spoiled me with gifts. He was eager to make me comfortable. If I so much as smiled at something, he got it for me. We slowly filled the apartment with my things until it started feeling like home. He never stopped looking for solutions. The problem was that none of those things fixed what was happening inside me. I���d be happy one minute, then sink back into sadness the next. Eventually, it affected him too. He started walking on eggshells around me.

Was this why you suggested moving out, Demola?

Demola: Not at all. I just wanted her to be fine. They were safety nets I���d promised in case she arrived, and things were different, and I wanted her to know they still stood.

So how long did this phase last?

Sarah: Almost two months, and winter definitely didn���t help. But somewhere in all of that, I realised I didn���t actually want to leave. Even in those dark times, we still had some good moments. Those moments reinforced why I loved this person and wanted to be with him. I���d never met anyone like him before. He genuinely took care of me. We both wanted the same future. Neither of us wanted children. We both hated the patriarchy. He loved that I was creative, and I loved that he was a lawyer. He cooked and didn���t mind that I didn���t. He was also very reassuring. It was literally my dream man right in front of me. I was determined to fight for us till the end. It was really difficult, but I started to come around. 

What changed?

Sarah: I finally recognised my subconscious bias was keeping me in that state. A part of me couldn���t believe I deserved something this good, so I kept waiting for it to be snatched from me. In the end, things started to work out on their own when I began to trust our relationship more. Trust that it was ours, and no matter if it felt too good to be true, I was here now, and I had what I wanted. 

Looking back, Demola, what convinced you to keep holding on?

Demola: As she said, we had our good days in between. She���d tell me how much she loved me and how she still wanted us to work. I also made more of an effort to step into her world. We used to joke about having completely different interests, but I started embracing the things she loved. It brought us closer.

Sarah: I always told him exactly what was happening in my head, even when I didn���t understand it myself. I just kept asking him to be patient with me.

Demola: I think we���ve come a long way, and our love is stronger than ever, really. Those first few months taught me silence. I���d always wanted to tell Sarah everything. Back then, I learnt to hold back because it wasn���t the time. Now we���re in a much healthier place, and I���m actually having to unlearn that silence because she wants to share everything with me. I wouldn���t trade that for anything.

Fair enough. What���s the best thing about being with each other?

Demola: Sarah has made me love life more. That���s the simplest way to say it. I notice things I would have walked past before I met her. My inner child is more alive than it has been in a long time. She has a perspective on the world that I���d genuinely never encountered before, and it has expanded how I think about everything. Being around someone that sharp and original in how they see things makes you want to be a better version of yourself ��� if only to just to keep up. I am more intentional about what matters to me than I have ever been in my life.

Sarah: Before Demola, I had a lot of fear around men in general. I���m a feminist. I smoke. I have very questionable shopping habits. These are things the average Nigerian man treats as reasons to withhold love or make you feel like you don���t deserve good things. In previous relationships, I felt the pressure to hide parts of myself for fear of being judged very harshly for being who I am. 

With Demola, I show up completely as myself. I don���t have to perform anything. My nervous system is calm in a way it has never been. We are together almost all the time, or he is at work, and I have no anxiety about what he is doing. I have never had that with anyone. When my friends try to worry me, I just tell them that my gut being this relaxed is how I know I made the right choice.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Demola: 10. We are both committed to being better for each other, and we genuinely just want to see each other happy. She is the most beautiful, most intelligent woman I could ask for.

Sarah: 8. We���re in a good place. The minus two is for the fracture that those early months created, which still shows up sometimes when we quarrel or fight. But we both recognise the problem, and we���re working through it together. We���re a very good team

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you���ve enjoyed reading Love Life, our flagship series on love, heartbreak, and relationships, we have exciting news. We���ve partnered with Cassava Republic to publish a book based on the flagship. Coming January 2026, it���s about to be your favourite book.

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